Need advice on what to do and where to start....
Hi! New here. Going to be a SM officially next summer. Future SS is 2 right now. Parents have joint custody but BM has primary care so BF pays child support.
Kicker: SS has not resided with BM since at LEAST March 2010. We know because he is living with BF's parents. BM asked this as a temporary favor while moving, ended up -so far- as a 6 month ordeal with no sign of her taking him back into her residence. BM has been receiving all the child support during these months, as well as state aid and WIC, and the only thing she has contributed to his expenses at his current residence has been diapers and wipes, and an outfit once every two months. BF's parents are incredibly kind and patient because they love their grandson, but we all know this isn't the ideal situation for my future SS, and on top of it BM is effectively robbing the state and BF.
BF and I are moving in a week into our own apartment (we were living with roommates and without the freedom or piece of mind to have him stay here more often due to the roommate situation). The only thing stopping us from moving SS in with us full time is that we will be barely scraping by financially if we do so. If BM wasn't getting child support- which she obviously doesn't use to support her child- then we could handle this without any major issue.
BF is planning to sit down with SS's case worker soon to lay everything out on the table and see where we go from there. Any advice before we do this? I have no idea how custody arrangements work, only thing I know is SS isn't being raised by BM as he should, and BF and I want him here.
Jessielyn - the only advice I
Jessielyn - the only advice I can give you is to make sure that your BF is sincere, professional and as "non-reactive" as he can be. Meaning - he wants to be able to show SS's caseworker that he and you can:
1. Provide SS with stability in your new apartment. That it is in a good, safe area, clean and well-kept. That your bills will be paid and that both of you will be active parents. There will be no drugs, no acquaintences of bad character, etc.
2. Taking SS isn't about not paying child support. It's about BF doing the right thing for his son, and his own parents!
I think that your BF is doing the right thing by sitting down with the caseworker and talking. But if you come at it like BM is robbing the state and keeping child support, I think it will be harder for you. Also, BF's parents will need to step in and testify that they have been providing sole support for SS all this time. Do you think they will do that to help your BF?
I'm kind of talking out of my butt here, since I do not have the direct experience you are seeking. But I do know that the 2 points I made above are pretty universal. Courts don't like children being seen as paychecks. They are also need PROOF.
Sometimes courts can be pro-BM. So getting the caseworker on your side, will be a big plus.
Does anyone out there have any real experience with this??
thank you for your input. the
thank you for your input. the cs/money thing is definitely not the major issue, though it is a frustration. our major concern is his well being. bf's parents are more than willing to testify. mil has been keeping a log of when bm visits or calls her son, to keep it as factual as possible. it probably is a good idea to steer clear of the money issue with the caseworker, so i truly do appreciate the advice. sometimes the frustrations surrounding this topic just escalate until we let surrounding factors matter more than they should. what matters is ss's well being.
best of luck Jessielynne!
best of luck Jessielynne!
Believe me, I completly understand the frustrations of the $ topic making these escalate. I just lost my cool with BM over here due to exactly that reason.
Please let us know how things go...
I don't see any reason to
I don't see any reason to steer clear of money issues. I understand you want to be seen as being above such things and that the welfare of the kid is at the heart of the matter. But - without money you can't properly take care of the kid.
As a taxpayer you also have a right to be concerned about the other sources of income being abused. If your husband wants he can say that he's not trying to get his ex accused of a crime he just wants the rip-off to end.
Make money last on the list if you wish, but keep it on the list.
I agree OC... I didn't mean
I agree OC... I didn't mean to not mention the money at all... just not make it a priority.