Need some help here...
Long story short...I am engaged to a man with 4 kids and 3 BM! I know it sounds horrid, but the 2 BM are fine. They don't bother us, and visitations go as planned. It's that 3rd one that is a pain in my A**! My fiance has been going to court over a year with this girl. Long story short, she was a 'one night stand' (please note this all happened before me!=))got pregnant (he found out 4 months into it), had the baby, and for a while he stepped up and tried to be a "live in" dad. However, about a month into it, found out that she was allllllll lies. First of all, she was a minor! He only found this out because she didn't want him to sign the birth certificate, get the SSN information or anything. And then one day, going over his son's medical records saw the mother's age as 16! Needless to say that he left IMMEDIATELY. Later on, he and I met, fell in love...yada, yada, yada. I knew about his kids and exes. However, last year in August ('08) she called at like 1 am for a ride, and after a lot of arguing, he went to pick her up because she had his son with her at 1am. On the way home they got pulled over and she had drugs on her and the baby was not "properly restrained." They both lost parental rights and had to go through so many CPS hurdles. Now, she got custody back within 10 months! He still has nothing! He attends all of the mediations and court dates, and now things are getting ugly. Here is what I want to know.
*She hardly lets us see his son because she HATES me (He and I are 26, she is now 18...I remember being a teenager, so I brush her off.). My fiance works as well as do I, we make a good income. During the court hearings (which I do not attend) the court has made it very clear that I am a nobody in this case, I am just a GF, etc. Now, they are completely on her side.
*All of the bills are in my name, our phones, everything. I have never got involved in his CPS case, only to give them my information for my background etc. However, last June, I called the Social Worker because the BM was calling my fiance about 15-25 times a day and texting, about 50-100 times a day...no joke. She somehow got my number and started doing the same, then she got my work number....so I had to put a stop to it. Myself and my fiance told her to stop calling, she left me alone, but not him...and it NEVER had to do with their son. So I called the SW about a restraining order, she informed me to "do what I had to do, but that a restraining order could affect his visitation in the future." So I did the next best thing, we blocked her number from his phone, and the other 14 number she proceeded to call us from. Mind you, she still manages to get a hold of us through his mother or brother. So recently, we changed his phone number due to her obssesive behaviour. Here lies the problem. In the last court hearing, the court said that they were going to make it "court ordered" that we un-block her number. Can they do that on MY phones? Especially when I am a "nobody" in this case? Also, I have not seen a court order yet, but she is now telling people that she is going to take me to court for not following the order...hmmmm. My biggest issue is that I am not to be involved with anything, but they are now telling me that I have to unblock her harrassing A**!?!?! Can they do this?
Any help is great!
Thanks everyone!
This is what he had talked
This is what he had talked about this morning. He is going to change his phone # again, and he got a pre-paid cell phone with cards to put 40 minutes a month on it. He has visitation set up now for every other weekend and one weekday. So, if she needs to waste 40 minutes a month to call "about her son" when we have him maybe 9 days a month the court should see that she is obsessed. Also we started documenting everything as of last week. Thanks for all of your advice. And luckily I have a good man that share's the hatred for her!
He is willing to step up and stop all of this. In fact he said that the "court only ordered me to give her the number, not to answer it."
He absolutely has to
He absolutely has to document by recording the conversations.
My advice, if your bf isn't willing to do this, you need to RUN...FAST!! Get out while you can, your life will be a living hell.
Find someone with no children.
6 years later my husband is STILL dealing with BS from his ex, he could have had a restraining order and full custody by now, but noooo, he has to be the nice guy to his ex, and a complete ASS to me and MY kids. It's the same story I have heard from everyone else here. This will be your life, if he cannot be assertive, set some boundaries, and keep documentation...LEAVE.
Run!!! As far away as
Run!!! As far away as possible before it is too late! Don't make the same mistake many of us have!
(Learn from our stories.)
The court has no
The court has no jurisdiction over you. It cannot MAKE you do anything. our BF on the otherhand will have to obey the order otherwise they could stop his visitation as a sanction.
Hey go buy a "magic jack"
Hey go buy a "magic jack" and that can be his new home number! It all goes through your computer, and when your computer isn't on you still have an answering machine, that she can leave messages on, and yet you don't have to hear the phone ring. We love it!
I would not think they can
I would not think they can do anything regarding a personal number in your name. Given the drama this man comes with and the string of women/kids/not knowing enough who he is sleeping with to know how old they are I would look hard and long at if he has matured enough to truly provide you with a stable life. This sounds like a guy with a history of poor choices who has a hard time making relationships work. I'm not trying to be mean but try to look at him objectively.