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Not showing up for visitation

mentalmama24's picture
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Has anyone dealt with a BM that will sporadically show up for visits? If yes, did you take it back to court for a modification? Or did you just deal with it? I did some googling and found that some judges will terminate visitation if the parent continuously no shows because it is damaging to a child to sit and wait for a parent who never shows. I know all cases, judges and states are different but I'd like to hear other people's experiences. Also, to take it back for a modification does it have to be continuously missed visits? Because in our case BM will miss several visits, start showing up for some, and then stop no showing again.

oregonducks's picture

In oregon if a parent is continuing missing visits we are supposed to tell the child that you both love him/ her and to make exceptions as to meeting the parent compromising by meeting them to take or visit the child.

Rags's picture

And this kind of libtard court crap is exactly why though our Custody/Visitation/Support CO was issued in Oregon we never lived closer than 1200miles to that beautiful cesspool of libtard crap. Oregon is a beautiful place that would be amazing and nearly perfect if it was not full of idiot Oregonians. The few that are not idiots seem to have moved far, far, away. At least that is the case for my bride. I am hopeful for your kids/Skids that you too are exception to my Oregon experience.

My bride was an Oregonian 16 & Pregnant Single Teen Mom with a 22yo unconvicted statutory rapist POS SpermIdiot. She petitioned for an order of paternity and CS before my SS-24 turned 1yo. She then took the kid and moved out of state for college after she graduated with her HS class with honors and left the then 24yo POS SpermIdiot perpetrating statutory rape against yet another 16yo minor and moved out of state for university.

When SpermGrandHag heard that my then GF was dating someone at university she filed for custody in he useless POS son's name. Instead of rolling over and playing dead my bride took out supplemental school loans, got an attorney and faught them in court. We finally ended up in front of the Judge to nail the SpermClan to yet a bigger CS payment and to defeat their idiot attempt at custody the week after we married.

From then on it was our fondest hobby to bare the SpermClan's idiot asses in court and do everything in our power to bankrupt them and show yet another idiot Oregonian family court judge how big of an idiot they are.

My bride went on to a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors, and on to a successful career as a CPA. She made it her primary focus in life to demonstrate to her son what hard work, character, and education can do for a person. She also commited to give him an example of what a marriage and equity life partnership is and what being quality parents looks like. I am honored that she chose me to set that example with.

"In oregon if a parent is continuing missing visits we are supposed to tell the child that you both love him/ her and to make exceptions as to meeting the parent compromising by meeting them to take or visit the child."

My ass! As my SS-23 got older we introduced him to every fact of his POS SpermIdiot's behavioral, criminal, and recreational drug escapades as well as the SpermGrandPa's affairs and SpermGrandHag's toxic crap. We let there be no secrets under the slime covered rock they live under in their shallow and polluted gene pool. Our son was given everything in an age appropriate manner over the years.

Kids should not be lied to. Even if that lie is to tell them that a toxic uncaring parent loves them. Yes, definately do not PAS the kid against the other parent but do not speak for the other parent. Let that parent speak for themselves. Stick with the facts. Kids need the facts so that they can learn to protect themselves from the shallow and polluted end of their gene pool (if they have one) and have a chance of overcoming and being far better than the toxic part of their family.

Don't feed your kid the Oregon Kool-Aid. Tell your kid the truth. The kid deserves it.

My son had regular visitation with his SpermClan in SpermLand (Oregon). From the time he was 2yo until he aged out from under the CO when he was 18 the SpermClan had 7wks of long distance visitation they could take. (5wks summer, 1wk winter, 1wk spring). They missed many of those visitations and even when they took visitation my son rarely saw his SpermIdiot for more than a day on any give SpermLand visitation. The SpermIdiot was usually too busy with his lowrider, snowboarding, playing some stupid fantasy card game, or chasing yet another of his out of wedlock spawning baby mamas. He has 4 out of wedlock spawn by 3 different baby mamas. My son is his eldest and our only.

When my son was 22 he asked me to adopt him. We made that happen. He has put the shallow and toxic end of his gene pool far in his rear view mirror. In large part because in an age appropriate manner we told him the facts and the truth about that part of his family and the rest of his family for that matter. He knows who his real family is and who really cares about him and loves him. He loves his SpermClan because his mom and I raised him to know that you live family. He does not respect them though. His respect.... they have yet to earn.

Sorry for my rant.

oregonducks's picture

In psychology it states not to tell them that the other parent loves them, they must of had other things to do. Or distract them? Really? That doesn't sound realistic to me..

Indigo's picture

SD31 had 50/50 custody of her 3 kids w/two dad's. Left town for almost 3 years w/sporadic visits. One father just got CS based upon the number of overnights. Broken promises are part & parcel of their relationship. All of the kids are still delighted whenever she appears.

Court is supporting "reunification."

Thumper's picture

Love is a verb not a fee fee

IF she is refusing to present child/ren AT and for visitation absolutely get into court.

IF she doesn't show for her courted 'offered' visitation, modify in court if you want to. But NEVER sugar coat anything. I totally agree do not ever say "MOM loves you very much" that could be false and will place the child into magical thinking, day dreaming. It is much better to be truthful to a child.

If you know moms deal, tell the kid. I would leave the word LOVE Out of it.

Non custodial do NOT have to exercise visitation.
JMO of course

Rags's picture

Absolutely this^^^^^^^ Love is not a noun, it is a verb. It is action. Actions grow the feelings. If there is feeling without action that is not love. That is endorphins. That tingly feeling is not love.

And that is why so many kids are in blended families to begin with. Parents who failed to require action from either themselves or their X breeding partners. They mistook endorphins for love.

Kids deserve better than that.

I now relinquish the soap box.

mentalmama24's picture

Thanks for the advice everyone. DH and I never tell SS that BM loves him or make up excuses as to why she didn't show. We just tell him the truth. I didn't know courts encourage that and I think that's bull. We will keep collecting evidence so that we can eventually bring it back to court. DH currently (was just awarded) primary legal and physical custody, but with the frequent no-shows along with some other evidence we recently received (new boyfriend has a background with drugs and pictures of her house covered in dog shit) we definitely want a modification that will either lower visitation or put her on supervised visitation. Does anyone know how long we should wait before filing for a modification? DH was just recently awarded primary custody and as of right now we can in no way afford to go back to court. I'm worried that if we wait too long the judge will wonder why we waited so long.