sole Custody/Moving/Unfit BM
I'll try to keep this as short as possible but there is a lot to say. I am a SM of 3 SDs ages 10, 9 & 8 years old. I've been married to Bio Father for 4 years but together 7 1/2 years. When I first got together with BF he had joint custody with BM her being the custodial parent. Approximately 3 years ago state took kids away from her and deemed her unfit... Involving drugs found, unsanitary living conditions etc. After a year long battle my husband was granted SOLE/FULL custody of his daughters and they now live with us full time and only see BM every other weekend. She was ordered to pay child support but has only made 2 payments in over a year, which state is about to throw her in jail because of non payments.
She has no job, no vehicle and switches boyfriends more times than she changes her underwear. She has been pulling at straws ever since to try to get them back. Will call Social Services and give faults accusations to try to get us in trouble which fails every time. Will call the cops and say she fears for their safety... Just anything to be a b**** pretty much. Always ruled out. Her latest fit she threw was over us letting her know we plan on taken kids to Denver for vacation on Spring break. She called the cops and said my husband was trying to kid nap them. Cop told us since we have sole custody we can legally take them out of state for 3 months without getting in trouble.
Little does she know. We are moving approximately an hour away (still in same state) away from her to a new town. Found a nice big house, better schools for SDs education, closer to my husbands work, better employment opportunities for me to find work etc. And she is going to flip her cork cuz she has no car and right now after everything she pulled on us... She is required by the court to pick them up from our residence and we pick them back up from hers on that Sunday. But she won't always have a ride to get them and well as far as I'm concerned the less they see her the better. But it wouldn't be that we are keeping them away, just that she must come get them. Seems fair to me. Shes always putting something in their heads constantly and I think that in itself is mental abuse. Kids are doing great in school now (yet when they was in her care, they was failing and missing a bunch of school) they didn't have cloths that fit them... It just all pisses me off. I love my SDs and its all a money game to BM not that she cares.
Just FYI, when our BM moved
Just FYI, when our BM moved an hour away for no reason (she didn't work and her husband's job was in the town she moved from), courts ordered DH to meet BM halfway despite the fact that she was the one who moved. (Before they lived 6 miles apart.)
My husband was also court
My husband was also court ordered to meet BM halfway after she moved an hour away. She didn't move because of work or anything. Actually, it was the opposite. She didn't want to get a job so she moved in with her boyfriend an hour away so that she didn't have to work. Lady is right.....if you've got a uterus then you've got the advantage.
Be careful how you play this.
Be careful how you play this. These kids will want to get to know BM eventually--they'll need to do that to figure out who they are themselves. It's a natural part of growing up.
At that point, if she's cleaned up her act, they won't remember all the bad things she's done, but she will tell them you guys took them away from her. Make sure YOU don't eventually get blamed for moving away. Make sure this is DH's decision, not yours, and make it loud and clear.
I would suggest you check
I would suggest you check with the courts where your custody order is from. Many places require a 30 notice to the other parent prior to moving, even if you have full custody and are staying in the same state. This doesnt necessarily mean she can keep you from moving but she can ask that you be made responsible for all transportation. Many judges would Grant her request taking into consideration her car situation. Cover your bases and check.
I do understand what you are
I do understand what you are going through. I would just make sure to read the CO to the letter and find out the stipulations for relocating. We have a 30 mile clause, we have to give 30 days notice if it is 30 mile or more move, giving the other parent ample time to file for a change in custody order. BM here doesn't exercise her parenting time currently so we don't really worry about anything too much.
Well your peachy little plan
Well your peachy little plan to further alienate the children from their mother may just backfire on you. Depending on the laws of your state she may be able to prevent the move especially if you have not given her notice and if you are not within the miles stated in your custody agreement. You and the father are creating a hardship for her to see her children and may be ordered to provide transportation for the EOW's to continue.
You're moving an hour away so that you can "find work." Weren't you just berating the childrens' mother for not having a job?
I hate hate hate parents who play the PAS game with their and other peoples children! Women like you give SM's a bad name. I hope she gets a good lawyer, a sympathetic judge, and gets herself together and the kids back.
Don't judge her too harshly because life can pull the rug out from under you at any minute.
For one thing you assuming I
For one thing you assuming I just don't work is ridiculous. I had an amazing job as an chiropractic assistant for the last 5 years! My father got diagnosed with lung cancer back in February of 2015 and I quit to bring him into my home to take FULL care of him! He passed 5 months ago because the cancer spread to his brain and he had a seizure! BM CHOOSES not to work so she don't have to pay. Oh my bad she babysits under the table and her boyfriend works. We live in a ridiculous small town and I tried to get my job back at the Chiropractic clinic but they went and hired someone else. So don't just JUMP to conclusions lady! Only reason BM don't have a job is before the custody hearing she got fired from McDonald's for not showing up all the time, being late.
In our CURRENT legal custody order it already states specifically we can leave the state for up to 90 days and move anywhere inside the state without any changes in our current transportation arrangement. She is already in bad standing with the court system.
So you're telling me that you
So you're telling me that you have had the luxury of being financially supported by your husband and not working for the last 5 mos and you are berating BM for losing a job and now working under the table. And now you want to move her children away from her because SHE is lazy and no good. Ha! Whatever would you do without a man to support you?
bm LOST her kids and any
bm LOST her kids and any rights except those given by the courts. If the move is good for your family then move (following court outlines). it being a hardship on bm doesn't need to enter into the equation. If she blames you when the kids are older simply whip out those documents showing what a worthless mom she was. If she couldn't be stable enough to keep her kids when she had them she probably won't be stable enough to even come see them. I agree with you. The smaller her influence the better. It's her choice though whether to step up or not. It's not your job to make her relevant to her kids
The courts will take any
The courts will take any hardships into consideration. Also about leaving for 3 mos at a time, BM will be allowed to make up any lost visitation.