Your DH has every right to ask what BM is spending the CS on. However, she nor anyone else is required to answer.

The difficulty of this topic is that CS is usually just a part of the income of the CP household and which specific dollar of income goes to which specific bill or cost can not be determined.

Dollars are dollars.

Personally I believe that if CS makes up a notable % of the CP household income (say 35+ that the NCP should be able to request periodic audits of CP household expenditures. If CS makes up <35% of the CPs household income then there should be no ability by the NCP to ask for an audit.

In our case CS was never more than a low single digit % of our household income so it was for the most part completely irrelevent (Started at $110/mo and peaked at $385/mo).

Any audit response should be simple. In our case a single line item response showing CS at $110/mo and our mortgage at $XXXX.XX should be adequate to show the NCP and courts that CS is not being abused.

Though I am the CP StepDad I agree that CS audits should be required in qualifying situatios.

Interestingly even the pittance of CS paid by my Skid's SpermClan caused a whole bunch of drama on their side. They wanted to know what it was spent on. I played that for all kinds of entertainment value over the years. }:) }:) }:) That pittance of CS bought 6 cars, 2 houses, boarding school for my Skid and several very nice vacations over the years. At least it did in the minds of the toothless morons in the SpermClan. They gnashed their teeth about that until the CO expired and still do when they rarely speak to my Skid.

Basic math is not their strong suit.

I am totally all for a rule/law that requires CP to show how/where the CS money is being spent on. I know for a fact my BF's 920.00 a month is NOT being spent on JUST skid. BM is currently not working and has 4 other kids from 3 different men. I know she doesnt get much for the oldest 3 anymore so of course my BF's hard earned money is supporting them all. GRRR burns my ass. BF doesnt make much after getting raped in CS every month but in cases like BF's I think that BMs should have to give an account for it. There is something fishy going on when a woman with 5 kids can have a new vehicle every 1-2 years and get her hair, nails, tanning, etc done all the time. :O

In my case I am also a BM. And I can honestly say that I spend all of the CS I receive on my son. I receive 400.00 a month and I spend every penny of it on my sons private school tuition. As of this month it is being bumped up to 500.00 a month and I will still be spending it on my sons tuition and there will be some extra left over and that will be for my son to have for spending money.

I just don't get these pos BMs and how they can do this and always seem to get away with it.

He can ask, but she can choose not to answer. If he's concerned that neglect is happening, he needs to go to the courts/CPS.

My DH only has 3 more years of CS on the last two kids. It's been a long financial road since he is down to approx 850 a month now and at one point he paid as much as 1400 for 4 kids plus 60% of day care and 50% of medical.
I don't think so much about the money anymore, just a relief to be rid of owing the BM anything. I get so tired of seeing her little e-mail reminders of how much he still owes her for braces and dr visits!
Over the years listening to the SKids rants that BM would not buy year books and school pictures and knowing how much CS my DH paid I was disgusted with their constant complaints that their BM made them pay for 1/2 of everything and that she had 2 closets full of clothes and shoes. These are things I would not know without them bitching and complaining about her to me....not to mention her nails and tanning visits.

I used to get SS for my son (father deceased), every year I have to fill out a form that says what I spent it on and how much I saved for him for college. Every year, I put tuition, mortgage and bills. I think they can do the same for CS, but honestly, no one is ever going to check up on it and do an accounting so does it really matter. Do you know how many people they would have to employ to have that level of accountability? Never going to happen. Just accept it and move on and count the days until they are 18 and CS goes away.

When you start asking for a financial breakdown, it gets ugly. When you have the government forcing you to account for every penny tyou spend, you're asking for a massive violation of privacy. When they start deeming things you do as an adult as unnecessary and unfair - how will you like that? My ex has a brand new pool - is that necessary? I have a new car. Is that necessary? I have cable, but he has satellite, are either necessary? I paint my own nails twice a week and spend money on nail polish - is that necessary? Oh you don't like that we eat out, well I don't like that you buy Omaha steaks. Why can't you buy your shoes at Walmart? Oh you have low arches? Prove it. You don't need to spend that on that! You don't need to pay money for this or for that! Why? Because they don't deem it necessary! You want your ex and the goverment to dictate EXACTLY how much you spend and where? Seriously? I don't.

Sure you can ask and you can get a high level breakdown - but won't most people have the same high level breakdown?

Food, Shelter, Clothing, Utilities, Education, Daycare if applicable, and then the extras.

Think about the sheer number of people they'd have to employ to do that sort of thing. Not to mention how much time and effort the current system already takes, now multiply exponentially.

Sure I get that it's frustrating when your EX or your exes EX suck, but adding a whole new level of beauracracy on the top of it is ridiculous.

(Sorry this is a hot button for me as my exes fiance' asked me the other day how much I spend on my son as if I neglect him - I know that's not how she meant it, but seriously, I haven't taken that man back for a review in ten years and I send my son with money every weekend that he goes to his dads so he doesn't have to spend extra on him. He goes to private school and is in extracurriculars that I don't ask for help with, I pay for extra school photos for my ex and his family, I pay for the insurance, I pay for it all - F that shit. I dare someone to come and ask me how much I spend on my son again. It won't be pretty)

In response to the original general question... most likely because when the law was made the law makers realized that accountability of CS spending could and would be used as another way to harass the CP. most of these laws were originally made in another time when women had very little power and were generally screwed over because they had little or no ability to support themselves and generally no ability to support themselves on the level that the father did. There were many more cases of women being victimized, abused and harassed by an ex husband at the time, so saying that those women had to supply an accounting of where the went would be one more avenue for them to be harassed.

That being said, times have changed. Should there be an accounting now? Maybe. But I doubt the laws will change because who's going to be responsible for doing the checking? Most state governments don't have the budget to start a department just to check up to make sure that CS is being used on the kid and if its a one parent overseeing the other parent,you're just going to have a huge increase in frivolous contempt suits. The courts are already pretty busy,I don't think they have any desire to open up another avenue of legal recourse in family court.

ETA- and it's not different everywhere, there is no state I know of where the CP is required to account for how CS is spent to the court or the other parent.

If I had bios and my ex asked how I spent cs, I'd laugh in his face because I'd have an excellent job and would be using my salary from that and the cs to put a decent roof over their heads, buy clothes, food, doctors visits, etc.

The $500 per month in CS I pay my ex for DD15 goes straight to his live-in girlfriend's new Jeep payment. My daughter still does without most items and borrows things like hair conditioner, tampons and body wash from her friends. On a good note though, the gf is a realtor and just hit the jackpot with a house she sold and I have to give her kudos, she bought my daughter a new wardrobe of summer clothes! Well, gee, thanks since usually every summer she arrives in Colorado wearing the same clothes I bought her the year before...they're holy, ripped and too small. This year, I guess I'm off the hook for having to buy her clothes!

I could not give a financial accounting for my DS's CS (when it was received - DS is almost 23 and he still has $15K in arrears). Like other posters have said, it was all in the same account.

BUT I was sole custodial parent. His father didn't even try to get any visitation. It was on me completely to fund DS's life. The CS I received, when received, wasn't close to half of the expenses.

Also, my son was always fed. Not bony. He had plenty of clothes to wear and toys. He had everything he needed and quite a few things he wanted.

What a lot of us have a problem with is when the CP is OBVIOUSLY using the CS money towards their OWN lifestyle, instead of on the skids (i.e., turning it into alimony rather than CS).

Our BM got an increase in CS and went out and bought a new 5 bedroom house (she already had a 3 bedroom house but had to get a bigger one for her and two skids) and a new car (she already had a van that was over a decade newer than either of our cars). Then, when CS went down again, she sold the house and car. All the while, both skids would come in tattered jeans and flip flops, even when cold out. You cannot convince me that she was using the CS towards the skids and not to increase her OWN lifestyle!

As a BM I kept records and separate bank accounts for CS. At anytime I could have provided this information. I only used a small amount of CS toward rent or utilities, most of it went to feeding my teenage son. It also provided extra curricular activities for my son. Once my ExH asked what I spent it on and I provided him a spreadsheet, he never asked again. I was not using CS on vacations to Morocco. }:)

As a SM, I'd love to ask, but cannot. Skids always look to us to provide any basics needed and all the extras. SS13 told us that DH and I have more money than anyone they know. We corrected him, it's just that we know that we have to provide everything so we budget for their needs and go without so they can have. A little reality check? BM spends CS on whatever she wants and that usually doesn't mean anything on the skids.

I've never thought much about it. My husband pays $356 (he paid $20/mo the first 3 years of SS10's life $218 for 5 years now $356) and it's hard for me to imagine that the CS money DOESN'T go toward the kid. She probably spends that much for food alone on SS10! Good Lord that kid can eat. She also works full time, so if she has a new car, gets her nails done, etc., who really cares? It's her money.

But then again, I'm not in the situation a lot of you are in. Having a BM who doesn't work, yet lives like a Boss would not be fun!