what to do to protect yourself financially if marrying someone with a child
okay, I know many of you on here have read my other posts and are screaming "SHE'S STILL GOING TO MARRY HIM?!?!" I am doing a lot of internal evaluating and trying to figure out if this is for me.
With that being said, I do have a few question:
1. If we are married, how do I protect my finances from becoming involved in the BM child support and such? I have heard horror stories from people (one is a relative of mine) he was remarried, had a son who was I think 12 at the time, paying child support for years etc. His ex found out he was getting married and brought him to court to get more support from HIS WIFE. He wasn't behind, she just decided that since there were now two incomes and she only had one, that would entitle her to more money. They are still somehow battling this out.
Is this a possibility??
I heard if we do not file our taxes jointly until after his support is done then I am in the clear, but I'm not sure. I have no issues helping him with his son, but I'll be damned if someone is going to garnish MY wages for THEIR child. I shouldn't be forced to contribute.
2. DH brought her to court to establish his rights last year, they determined a visitation schedule, what his cs would be, his work info etc. However, a month went by and his support wasn't coming out of his check. His bm was freaking out and yelling at him saying she needed money, he called his lawyer and was told that he did his part, his BM had to file her financial info etc before the support would be finalized. Long story short, she lied about everything, refused to submit her info, and when she called them back was told the case was dismissed. DH lawyer told him since he had the paperwork, the best thing he could do was follow what the judge ordered, write her a personal check for support every month and take a photo of it for proof, and if anything should come up when the child is older he would have his butt covered and she would be at fault. Since the case was dismissed/closed does that mean that it won't get reviewed in the standard two year mark?
Any and all advice will be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
your wages as an SM are not
your wages as an SM are not counted when calculating CS. Period .
Not entirely true. New
Not entirely true. New spouses income on the NCPs side not counted "dollar for dollar" however, counted to the extent that her income frees up NCP bioDAD's income (SM takes on more of NCP biodads living expenses) which thusly enables more "disposable" income towards larger CS.
The post 2010 NYS financial affadavit asks for income from "all residents" in the household.
Combine that with the fact that most courts are interested in getting the highest amount possible of CS out of the NCP (with the exception of an NCP BM) due to federal kickbacks, then your income DOES come into play. The courts couldnt care less, however, if the CP BM remarries a millionaire so CP stepDad's income is safe.
If you file a joint return
If you file a joint return and your DH is now in a different tax bracket which gives HIM more disposable income , that could potentially lead to higher CS. The second partners income however can not .
Instead of asking on here, I
Instead of asking on here, I would call a family lawyer in your city and ask him these questions.
The price of the consult will be worth knowing the correct information.
Since SS is 12, you have 6 years till he's 18 and CS should be done. If it turns out that you could be part of the CS calculation why take that chance?
Why do you want to get married now? Do you want children? Is it a religious thing?
You can be completely committed to someone and not be legally tied to them.
At the time my relative
At the time my relative remarried his son was 12, my ss is 8 sorry if I phrased it incorrectly. I'm hearing about them going through this, that's what made me want to ask the question. I do not have a personal or family lawyer, you're right I should probably get more information. I was just curious if anyone on here knew anything about this, I've researched and received mixed information
It's always nice to know if
It's always nice to know if someone else has dealt with something like what we are going through.
However, in a case like this I think it's best to get professional help. Most lawyers do a free consult and so you should be able to find one that you like and it shouldn't cost very much to get their opinion. It might even be worth it to get a prenup to protect the assets you are bringing to the marriage.
Personally, I think that if you are that worried about your finances you shouldn't get married.
The child will be 18 in 10 years, so it means that you can live together for those years and then once CS is done get married, if it's still important to you. That's why I asked why you want to get married, why is it important to you. You can live together and then without question your finances will have nothing at all to do with his CS.
It's so much easier here in Canada. We have a chart for each province and depending on your income and number of children that's what you pay. Doesn't matter what your spouse makes. You can fight over section 7 costs (extras like hockey, music lessons, ect) But even those are split based on what each parent makes, the spouse doesn't factor in.
1) Though not beyond
1) Though not beyond possibility it is highly unlikely that BM can get an increase in CS because DH married you. Sparent income generally is not attachable for CS calculation purposes. Check your state rules to confirm. Google it.
However, I am a custodial StepDad and though my income was not used for CS calculation purposes the SpermIdiot did get an income reduction credit because as the idiot bottom 10%er of the legal profession moron of a family law judge said "Step Dad makes a significant income and BioDad should not be required augment an artificially eleveated life style for the child." So, the Judge awarded the maximum income reduction credit of $1000/mo which only minimized his CS obligation by $50/mo. One penny of my income benefiting that POS waste of skin pissed me off to no end but in the relative scheme of things it was a non issue.
We have never filed separate taxes but as I said I am the custodial step parent. My bride has always had fill physical and legal custody which seems to be the default for single teen out of wedlock pregnancies.
2) I suggest that DH take his CS payments directly to the CSE office. Though there may be a screw up that dismissed the case making payments to the CSE office makes the process officially confirmable and could remove some risk of BM playing the "that was not CS it was ......" game if she is so inclined.
I would have DH confirm with his attorney again and ask about paying directly to the CSE office with the case number and a copy of the CS order from the Judge.
This does many things including sending the message to BM that her games will not be played or tolerated.
As for separating finances and protecting your income/assets. Talk to your attorney and your CPA. Their advice should guide your options and decisions. In our case we have never separated our finances other than our individual employer investment programs and IRAs. The basic systems are in place in the family law system to protect your income in the overwhelming majority of situations. I take the confront and destroy the opposition approach rather than the run and hide approach. It has worked so far.
In my legal layman's opinion of course.
Good luck.
Thank you for all the helpful
Thank you for all the helpful advice! Guess we have a lot of work to do. One thing DH lawyer did state was to BE SURE to write in the memo "current month" child support for "sons name". That way BM can't dispute what the money was given for. Funny his lawyer never mentioned calling the CSE office. Expensive lawyer, hope this doesn't bite us in the future.
It has happened here in
It has happened here in California that the BM can file for additional CS based on the new "household income". The step parent is not forced to pay CS but the biological parent is asked to pay more because of the higher household income. So basically, you get screwed.
The system is changing in a way that is totally unfair to the step parent and you are right to be cautious.
If I could do it again, I would have a "committment ceremony" with my partner and just not sign the marriage certificate until the kids are 18. Although she can't get CS from me, she can ask to see my financial records and I have no privacy.
Why don't you just get "married" and hold off on signing anything? Best of both worlds and if it doesn't work out, no harm, no fowl.
If you married a guy with a
If you married a guy with a kid the costs are going to come out of the yang for even the most unreasonable things so you
1. Set up a separate personal account that YOUR check gets deposited into
2. Split the household bills, living expenses and anything else 50/50 that come out of an account for the both of you
3. No financial favors aka don't spot him the money for Child Support or medical costs or lawyer costs...he can take out a loan or find a way to pay it if he can't get it modified
If you aren't married yet then I suggest you NOT get married and live in separate places until the kids are moved out. Sure its more like dating but your relationship will be much better in the end without all the bumps and stress that comes with living with the Skids.
Again I am not a lawyer so in
Again I am not a lawyer so in terms of specific legal advice as to how CS is calculated in your area you need to speak to a lawyer.
I am getting married this year, so far all our finances are separate. I pay certain household bills, my fiance pays the rest. Although generally he transfers his half (actually more than half as he earns more than me) and I pay all the bills online.
Once we are married we intend to open a joint bank account and a joint savings account but still keep our individual account. The idea being, our work pay will be paid into our individual account, we will both transfer a certain amount/percentage of that into the joint account. All household bills with then be paid from the joint account (Rent/mortgage, gas, electricity, water, internet, home insurance) any leftovers will be then moved into joint savings accounts for "family" holidays or household purchases.
We will then be individually responsible for our individual bills (so for him; CS, his phone bill and his motorbike insurance) and me my phone, car insurance, etc.
I dont particularly agree with partners having secret bank accounts, but to me theres a big difference between private and secret. I think its important partners know what their joint financial situation is, to ensure the household is running at an affordable living standard. But ultimately if you (or your partner) have $500 left after all the bills are sorted, its down to YOU how that money is used. BUT if thats how you feel, then you cant complain if then your partner is spending all his "extra" money on the skids, or cigerettes, or joining a gym.
Its either all money is in the same pot and both can dictate what it can be spent on or extra (disposable) income is handled solely by the earner. Cant have it both ways.
I should probably add that if
I should probably add that if we do get married we have no intention of having a joint account unless it is just for our rent and utilities. I'm hesitant to even do that (seems safer not to) our landlord lets us write two checks for everything so why complicate things? Our vehicle payments are separate, any credit card debt, debt accrued before we met etc is separate and it will stay that way. We aren't too proud to ask each other for help if needed, but we work so much and try (me at least) to budget so its never been an issue. I will still look for a lawyer to ask more questions.
The answer will likely depend
The answer will likely depend on the state you live in and if it makes it before a judge, their mood for the day to some degree. I'm not even sure if it matters if you're married in some states, as long as you live together. This subject gets me so worked up. I absolutely refuse to be made to legally provide a penny for a child, I have no legal rights to. I don't care how the courts phrase what they are doing or how they get away with it. If the payment changes based on me moving in or getting married, I am being made to pay for a child I have no legal rights to. Give me legal rights, I'll pay. No legal rights, no way. Deal with this before you get married and if you will have an inheritance of any kind after you are married, make sure it is stated in the will that the money goes to you and only you!
Ed b/c my comment double
Ed b/c my comment double posted for some reason.
I recommend totally separate
I recommend totally separate finances. Totally separate accounts with his name nowhere on your account. File separately for taxes instead of jointly. People should understand that when you marry you will be jointly responsible for SOME debts incurred by your spouse. Medical bills for any family member are considered a family rather than an individual expense. You can be sued for your spouse's medical bills even if you never signed anything. Don't cosign anything. Don't be a joint purchaser of an automobile. Don't help your spouse borrow money by signing anything. You'll have to pay the debt if he/she doesn't.
This is a BIG reason why I
This is a BIG reason why I will never marry Chef. Everything is in my name and we have completely separate accounts.
Chef is basically my tenant.
Chef used to try to compare apples and oranges: "The Girhippo got remarried YEARS ago!"
Yeah well she's the CP so the courts and the government dont give two hoots about StepDaddyBigBucks ample income as they are the payEES.
The system would NEVER include the CP's stepparent's income as that would REDUCE the amount of governmental administrative fees flowing into the local coffers.
I am not married yet to my
I am not married yet to my partner but he supports his kids who are abroad. I do not directly support his 2 kids in the uk but they have stolen from me and disrespected my home. They took advantage of my knidness and i had to tell the daughter to her face to stop begging me for money all the time and ASK HER FATHER. Even her father told her the same but she would still try her luck at times with the same answer from me.
It had got so bad that I could not let my grandchildren who are 12, 11 and 7 who were at my home at the time, go to the shop to buy sweets cos she would ask THEM for money and beg them not to tell me she had asked. Of course they did tell me and I told them when she is around don't let her know that tbey have money. She says she has no money but gets her hair done in the latest styles all the time. I would not leave one cent of my assets so that my partner's 2 adult kids in the uk could attempt to grasp after I peg it.. after their behaviour... no way... I don't mind my partner but I hate the 2 kids aged 39 and 30 and the granddaughter aged 8. She is exactly like her mother...sneaky and spiteful to my grandchildren..... if I never had to see those idiots again..even NEVER would be TOO SOON .....My partner's son is nothing like my partner. My partner says he takes after his mother....nuff said...
.
I have already stated to my partner that any children not from my womb or descended from me get NISH, based upon their behaviour to me!!!!! He knows from that statement the 3 idiots are OUT but I leave things to his own interpretation...... My will has already been sorted to exclude my partner's son, daughter and granddaughter.......
Our problem hasn't been the
Our problem hasn't been the Skid... it was the SpermClan ripping the SKid off. We used to send him on visitation with travel money so he could have lunch or have money in case something delayed his travel.
When he would arrive in SpermLand the badgering would begin almost immediately for him to use his travel money to fill up the SpermIdiot's gas tank or pay for lunch for SpermGrandHag and the three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas, etc, etc, etc.......
As he got older we opened a bank account that was in my DW's and the Skid's names that we could transfer money in and out of in the event SS needed money to escape the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool while on SpermClan visitation. That used to piss them off to no end. They would badger him into pulling out his debit card and then ..... poof... no money and they would be all embarrassed because they couldn't pay for whatever they had expected SS to pay for. }:) We used to get some raging calls from SpermGrandHag over that.
Interestingly they never seemed to catch a clue that we did not put money in that account unless SS needed it while traveling. There were many examples where they would have SS call to ask us to put money in the account so they could do things since "they don't have enough money to pay for me". It was gut wrenching but we never would subsidize their visitation costs when he was with them. They would just rag on SS after those calls though it was apparently just an attempt to get money out of us.
However, we did upon occasion pay for their half of visitation airline travel when it had been a year of more since they took a visitation.
Once SS turned 18 and they no longer were on the hook for CS...they have made no effort to get him to visit except to badger him that he is working and can pay for his own ticket. He won't go unless they pay. He visits us and my family all of the time on his own dime and never asks for us to pay for it. Though we would be happy to.
To protect our assets from in any way benefiting the SpermClan we created our Will to lock it all in trust for SS in the event his mom and I passed before he reached the age of majority. Even then... he gets nada until he either completes his undergraduate degree from a regionally accredited institution or turns 40. That way had we passed away our assets would have in no way benefited them, they would have had to support SS until he turned 18, and ... we could parent from beyond the grave to get him to go to college.
We could probably back off on that now... as he has no use for the SpermClan and their toxic crap.
Most pathetically... when he enlisted in the USAF they put on a full court press to try to guilt him into sending money each month to help support his three younger also out of wedlock SpermIdiot spawned half sibs by two other baby mamas.
He has never sent a penny.
I am fine with helping people who I determine are deserving. Toxic idiots... are never deserving.