BM schedules another dr appt and guilt trips DH
I have posted on here numerous times about BM scheduling things without talking to DH, then guilt tripping him if he can't make it. Last time it was a dr appointment on a Wed at 10a.m. (not 100% sure on the time but too tired to check my other post). He ended up not being able to go due to work related issues. Then it was conferences scheduled in the morning again without discussion. Now she has scheduled a second Dr. appointment for tomorrow (a non skid weekend for us) at 345 and once again contacted DH with the "it's at ____, are you coming?". No, this is not an emergency check up it's just another routine one. At 10 y/o I also don't understand the need for all of these constant appointments either. We had family plans to get ready for the upcoming holiday and she just sprung this on him last week. DH is worried that if they go back to court BM can use this against him because he is not usually able to go to any of her scheduled dr appointments for ss because she just schedules them without talking to him and guilt trips him if he can't accommodate. Here's my issue; if its not a detrimental appointment why does he even NEED to go? I've never heard of two separated parents having to attend all dr appointments together. Heck when my parent's were still together my mom did all the appointments. If BM didn't want to or wasn't able to bring ss to any appointment she could call DH and he could schedule it on HIS time and bring him alone. I just don't see why they both have to go. They both have insurance cards from DH plan. This seems like a deliberate act on BM part to intrude on "our" time, and given all the drama we have had going on this week I really don't appreciate it. It's right in the middle of the afternoon making it extremely hard for us to get anything done beforehand unless we get up at 6a.m.
Have any of you gone through this? What did you do?
I can't figure out how to
I can't figure out how to edit but I want to add that it doesn't say anything in the CO about appointments other than DH has to have SS on his insurance and pay for most of the costs.
A court can hardly come down
A court can hardly come down on Dad for not being able to attend appointments and P/T conferences he has no inclusion in making. In fact, I'd see it the other way around 'Ms. BM, why aren't you consulting with the father as to when non-emergency events are convenient for both of you and the father to attend?'.
At age ten, I can't imagine Dad needs to go in for a routine check-up. Would the little girl even want her father present in the room while dr is examining her? And if it's a case of conferring with the dr , Dad could confer via phone at the office's convenience. My daughter's dr's office nurse has called and conferred via phone several times when Dad ran her in for appointment but sat out in waiting room (my daughter is older than ten) when I could not make it in.
It's a boy not girl so maybe?
It's a boy not girl so maybe? But it still seems weird to me.
don't both parties have to
don't both parties have to install it? I don't think BM will.
SIX skids??!!! I thought
SIX skids??!!! :jawdrop: I thought Chef was bad off with THREE! You must have had to take out a 2nd mortgage on a mansion to pay the CS!!!!
My parents stayed married and
My parents stayed married and I can't ever remember BOTH of them coming to my medical appointments. I recall both parents coming to teachers' conferences after my dad's workday was over. If it's not done in an intact family, why do it in a split family?
My dad never went to a
My dad never went to a doctor's appointment or parent teacher conference in his life. Granted, they were all pretty standard. Perhaps if I was having real medical troubles he would have gone to a doctor's appointment. My mom managed all the education, though, so even if I was struggling, I doubt he would have gone to a parent teacher conference because that was her realm (my mom is a teacher herself). Also, he certainly wouldn't have rearranged his work day to attend. Sounds like your DH has been firm with her on what his boundary is - if she wants him to go, they need to reach agreement on scheduling time; if there is an appointment she can't manage, he will arrange it and attend with the child. Now, he just needs to enforce that boundary and remind her what he said. If the child is 10, there is surely no reason for him to be there.
This. Most intact families
This. Most intact families only send one parent to these standard appointments.
Our BM is completely psycho, and tried so many different tactics to gain facetime with DH so she could try to manipulate him. This was one of those tactics. He didn't fall for it.
IAMLOSINIT, I know this post
IAMLOSINIT, I know this post here is from last Nov....Lady--you have your hands full with your BM.
Hopefully by now you have learned it is OK that dad is not at appointments with MOM. A judge has heard this 10000000 times. Half the times bm's will bring this up in court :bio dad wont go to appointments,,boohoo...later it is discovered the BM doesnt take the kid anyway the Grand parents are doing it for the bm. Sometimes Bm's siblings too. Here is the fix about those AND about parent teacher conferences.
1. Call the teacher and request that there is a seperate conference for dad, when ever the teacher if free. This is not the first time a teacher has provided seperate times for divorced parents. Heck, dad can get on board with the teacher and email 1x a week and also use school portals to stay up to date with grades. Also ask the teacher how to be signed up for robo calls from the school and the school district for up to date info. . KEEP this close to the vest. Do not ask BM for anything unless it is an emergency.
2. bm, thanks for asking me to go to the doctors appointment. (never say sorry cant go because of work) IF you want me to take her when I have her, I will be more than happy to. We can really make this super easy and split custody this way I have her equal to you then I can make all the appointments and take her. It would be so much easier for our kid this way.
I'm REALLY confused as to why
I'm REALLY confused as to why they both have to be there... Out of the past 4 doctor's appointments the skids have had. I took them alone for two of them, and DH showed up just a bit after I did for the other two (shots and nose swabs... That way I had help holding her down. LOL) If it's routine though, I don't see why one can't just take them, and if something is wrong, just inform the other parent and then go on their merry way...
I can't see why Dh not showing for EVERY doctor's appointment could count against him. He's working to provide for the kid, so as long as the kid is receiving medical attention when he needs, there's nothing that needs to be done, IMHO... Your BM is just finding something to b**** about. If it doesn't work with his schedule, your DH just needs to tell her no.
Also he can call the teacher like someone said above, I'm sure they'll be willing to accomidate a second visit