dh x wants nothing to do with me- i don't really like her but sometimes i feel like it would be good for us to communicate regarding our son. (he's with us 3 months out of the year and dad works all the time, so i pretty much raise him on my own during the summer) I would like to speak with her as a parent to parent sometimes. I tried calling her once when he was having a problem and she totally blew me off. She is a bit crazy, hopefully this book will help me understand as well. thanks for the info.

I have that kind of relationship with my exH's wife and him. He actually is doing the remodeling work on my basement and therefore has a key to our house. He still calls to check if it's ok to come in, in case I'm not home, or we're busy etc.

It takes years and a concerted effort on both parties. The key is to look for any opportunity to extend an olive branch or take the high road.

It also takes two people who are not self absorbed, jealous or suffering from some oppositional mental illness for sure.

My sons have it very good. As a matter of fact we just had our first and only really major issue. My sons' SB had done something inappropriate to my oldest son (they are the same age.)

My exH called me immediately to inform me of what was said by my son, and to ask if the boys could stay with us indefinitely til they figured it out, that SM had already called the therapist (an office I recommended to them initially) and that he didn't know what to believe from whom.

It took several months. My sons stayed here every single night (except one weekend I was out of town- and their SB was staying at his grandma's a few doors down from exH and SM.) My exH picked them up many nights to take them to dinner or hang out with him, they helped him with the work in the basement to hang out with him, he did all the transporting to fall baseball games all over the county to spend time with them and make up for the extra money we were spending by them being here full time (they are usually with each family EO week.)

It was hard and I really never talked to SM throughout about the situation. In the end she believed my son's version of events. Ironically, my exH could never decide who was telling the truth but was convinced (as am I) that the truth was somewhere in between the two boys' versions as it often is.

Anyway...

we made it through what would have had many other people in court.

And now things have recently returned to normal. One of SM's daughters, who has a baby and her BF had moved in at ExH's the last year, finally moved out and SB got their old room to himself. My sons' share a room at each house.

No family is perfect, but if you can pick your battles and accept every opportunity to rise above the petty ones, then it can work the way those authors' relationship did.

Though I have to admit, I don't agree with the title in our case.

A bpd BM who has no awareness of her mental health issue?

Can be quite the BIT@H.

Maybe that's the book I need to write!

"Quite the Bit@H"!

Sita

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen