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Adult 27 yr. old SS needs to move out

Mrs. W's picture

Please help. My 27 yr. old ss has lived with his dad and me since he was 14 years old. Over the last few years my ss does not acknowledge me when he comes into the house or a room I am in. He does not talk to me unless I talk to him first. He is a slob. He does his laundry but will let the clothes in the dryer sit there for a week. If he needs a piece of clothing he will pick it out of the dryer. He puts his dirty dishes in the sink....not the empty dishwasher. He showers for long periods of time, leaving no hot water. He pays no rent. My husband gets frustrated with him and then makes idol threats. He has threatened my ss to kick him out so many times over the years it is ridiculous. He tells my ss to stop paying hundreds of dollars for tatoos and contribute to the household expenses. My ss will ask "How much do you want?" My husband says "I have to think about it and let you know." Neither happens. I would like any suggestions. Thank you all in advance for your reply.

Angel72's picture

I hate to tell you this, your dh is the issue. He has to grow a pair of balls.
In the end, this is an ultimatum situation. It does and will come down to him or me. And frankly if i was the wife in this situation, i would basically turn about and tell my husband, Either your son leaves by the end of 2 weeks(i'm being generous here) or i will leave.
There is no point in staying with your dh with circumstances such as this. I know he loves his son. We are not disputing this. But evven if this man paid rent, would you honestly be happy with the living conditions? i wouldn't. I would not care about rent. i went tell your dh, he's an adult and he leaves or i will, cause i wont live with this.

Angel72's picture

He's a man at 27. Not a child. I'd give him the ultimatum. Regardless of this economny, he can start by getting a job, any job, even mcdonalds. The fact that he rather pay for tatoos, which are expensive, than pay rent....mmmmm, if he's not working where does he get the money for the tatoos? his dad i guess...
I've notice this 'failure to launch' these days too. Its the parents fault for allow this slack idea. These adults have no clue on how to do it..
In the end, i think something drastic and serious must be done.

winehead's picture

DH needs to confront this. If there are three adults living in the house, then each of you should be contributing 1/3 of the money and doing 1/3 of the work. That's what adults do. Sounds like SS is still being treated like a 14-year-old, and even at that age a child can get laundry out of the dryer!

This would be intollerable to me. I've had a similar situation and now that SS is out of the house everybody is happier. DH and SS included.

DH and SS need to have an adult conversation, decide on a deadline for SS to be out, and then enforce the deadline. SS needs a wake up call about living in the real world and DH hasn't helped him by allowing your current situation to go on for so long.

Shannon61's picture

This man child needs to grow up . . seriously. Not only is he lazy, but he's mooching off his dad because dad is allowing it. It's one thing when the kids are living at home trying to save to get on their feet and are contributing by paying rent, etc. But this guy has it made. Dad needs to grow a backbone and tell this grown man that it's time to get a job, pay rent and start saving for his own place. My SD will be 27 this year and will hopefully moving into her own place within the year. We've also had issues regarding her lazy, inconsiderate antics so needless to say, I'm looking forward to it.

Nellie's picture

I have a 25 yo stepson that would mooch off his 90 year old grandmother if he could, probably expect her to go out and get a job to buy him groceries, then come home and cook for him. He is the laziest person I know. Currently he is living homeless in downtown San Diego, for the past year. Why? Because he decided he would rather sleep on the street than work. It's a choice each and every one of us makes, whether you realize it or not. I don't like my job but I decide to work in order to have a home and provide for my needs.

Until a year ago, DH was still trying to get this lazy SS to work and take care of himself. DH was renting him rooms at the SRO hotel, giving him food money, etc. SS would say he was going to work, get a job, quit a week later, rinse and repeat.

Finally DH quit. How? I dragged him to a counselor. I let DH explain everything. I just sat there. The counselor very gently explained to DH that providing for lazy SS was not going to get lazy SS on his feet. Not providing for him might not get him on his feet either, but providing for him definitely would not get him on his feet. The counselor explained all about enabling and such. DH accepted everything the counselor said.

Of course I had been saying the same things for years, and DH rejected my take on the situation. But for some reason, DH decided it made perfect sense coming from the counselor!!!

My advice, go to a counselor!!!