Advice on 17yo stepson
I need some advice. Am new to this forum. I have 3 step children and have been married to their dad now for 8 years, the problem I have Is with the 17 year old. He left school a year ago and is working full time as I found him a job after he sat around doing nothing for 6 months. He gets paid quite well and he pays us a small amount of rent and in return he gets free internet, power, water, food etc so his rent covers his room. We still expect him to do a few jobs to help out but it's small jobs like putting rubbish out and mowing lawns, and we have to constantly nag him to do these, and every time he argues about why he should have to do any jobs at all.
His dad and I both agree on what he pays and the jobs he does, we have warned him that if he doesn't do his share he will have to move out, and the other day his dad and him had a massive argument and we told him to pack his bags and leave to which he did.
He came back the next night as his dad asked him to, and now he is taking him out tomorrow to spend time with him as he feels bad for kicking him out! I am annoyed but will not say anything.
How do I handle this going forward, everything is always about him? Surely he has to grow up sometime. We started having problems with him when he turned 14.
Go to Amazon.com and look for
Go to Amazon.com and look for books by searching 'failure launch' and get him one. The boy is a little young to put in that category but the book will point out the failures parents make leading to the launch failure. Hopefully Daddy can avoid them.
That's awesome Sally! Two
That's awesome Sally!
Two rental contracts is an EXCELLENT idea!
Raise his rent. It sounds
Raise his rent. It sounds like he dropped out of school, is this correct?
Like my dad told me...."If you think you're old enough to drop out of school, then you're old enough to find your own place to live." Quitting school was not even an option for me.
Like the other posters have said, it's time you allow him to grow up and face consequences for his laziness. Your DH caving in just sets a very bad precedent. Your stepson now knows he can act like a fool and nothing will happen.
Sweet baby jesus, I hate
Sweet baby jesus, I hate teenagers.
Sorry, no real advice, but LOADS AND LOADS of sympathy!!
Ewww...he sounds like my son
Ewww...he sounds like my son when he was that age. Getting him to do anything was like pulling teeth, or the end of the world for Pete's sake! He did barely graduate but had no job and no goals. Knowing I can be a co-dependent rescuer and my "parenting" was not gonna benefit him, and due to skin issues he could not join military...I more or less filled out the online application for Seasonal job at Yellowstone for him.
They offer employee dorm and it comes out of check so...no responsibility required on part of student! I drove him out and dropped him off the day after he graduated. Yes, he has made a few dumb choices but life's consequences are better teachers then a parent, once they reach a certain age. In order for him to be a functioning adult, I needed to get out of the way. He lives 7 hours away from "his mommy" and life is good.
That is an awesome solution
That is an awesome solution for a wayward kid who has no direction. We went the Armed Forces recruiter route and ours joined the USAF.
Parents always worry and want to help their kids. The hard part is knowing the difference between helping and harming. My bride and I struggled with this with my SS-22 when he was 17-18. We finally came to the conclusion that we had done what we could to raise him and it was time for him to mature on his own time and his own dime. He is a young man of character and is doing well in the USAF. His mom and I are very proud of him though there was a time when his survival was a precarious thing. Fortunately for him his mom and I never quite aligned on doing him in as one of us was willing to give him one more chance to live.
I wish we had thought of the Yellowstone seasonal laborer option. That would have been a great experience and lesson for him. There is nothing quite like blisters on your hands from manual labor under the hot sun to give a kid some clarity.
Thanks for sharing your story.
A kid resident in the home is
A kid resident in the home is either in school or working full time. The fact is that if the kid is under your roof he abides by your rules and expectations. When my SS-22 finished HS he was 17. He informed us that he was not ready for college and if we forced him to go it would be a waste of our money. I am proud that he was mature enough to recognize that and be direct with his mom and I about it.
So, we told him if he wanted to live at home he had to have a full time job. He was not interested in that so we made him our beck and call boy/chore bitch. This was a tactic designed to get him to launch. His mom did a ever growing chore list and we worked his ass off. 4mos later he enlisted in the USAF on delayed entry until there was a job opening in his selected field.
Your DH may be only 17 but he lives in your home and you and his dad must enforce the rules. No lip, do what he is told when he is told to do it regardless of what it is, and he resides in your home at the pleasure of you and your groom. I suggest the beck and call boy/chore bitch approach. That will create the burning platform that will get him to launch.
A parents job is to create a viable adult who will contribute to society and not a leech who has feelings of entitlement. Gettin in his dad's face about his household responsibilities is absolute proof that your SS-17 is on a track to an entitlement mentality. He wants to think he is an adult, he is not in school, he is out.
IMHO of course.
Good luck with this. It is a tough one.