Anybody have experience with addiction?
My SS (24) recently admitted he was addicted to drugs. He went through an in-residence treatment, but could afford only 30 of the recommended 90 days. He learned a lot about himself, and for that I am grateful.
He left the rehab center maybe 3 weeks ago and has been living with an aunt (DH's sister, my SIL) about 800 miles from us. All was going well for the most part. He needed to make some decisions about his future and decided to go back to school to finish his bachelors degree. He did about two years of the degree at a college about an hour away from DH and me, and he decided to return there, starting classes this summer.
So last week he got mad at everybody, left his aunt's home, and drove up here to arrange housing, look for work, register for classes, investigate financial aid, all that. He arrived when DH and I were out of town (we didn't cancel our plans for him, yay DH). He's been here for several days and has yet to see his father. Has cancelled dinner plans, an evening at the movies, and hasn't been returning DH's calls. Except once to say that he hasn't recovered enough to go back to school full time and deal with all that stress. Fine, then the other option is to get a job. Silence.
I SO fear that he's reconnected with his druggie friends. But this is all new to me and he could just be overwhelmed and scared (a typical reaction for him when faced with adult decisions). Can anyone help me with more perspective?
Awww, not judging, I
Awww, not judging, I actually let out a confession also this week (don't want to reconfess) so I know how u feel.
Oh, honey, you made me cry.
Oh, honey, you made me cry. ((((Hugs))))
I so very much hope he's dealing with stress without the drugs. DH just told me that SS will be with us for dinner tonight, my BD's birthday. I hope he really does join us.
You're a strong woman
You're a strong woman Collegemommy.
"A pessimist complains about the wind, an optimist counts on the wind changing, a realist adjusts his sails"
Winehead, my BS' dad is an
Winehead, my BS' dad is an addict. And I personally believe that he will continue to use for the rest of his life.
It sounds like your SS isn't ready yet to live a clean life (I'm not bashing, just going on what you have posted). My ex would blame everyone and everything for him getting high. It was NEVER his fault. He was also never ready to work, or go back to school. There was always some ridiculous stumbling block.
And then one day we had a conversation and it cleared up so much. He told me he actually LIKED his drug of choice. All these years he made it sound like he wanted to stop, but didn't know how and here he is admitting to not wanting to stop at all.
To this day he still uses. I gave up trying when BS was 1 1/2 and he will be 8 this year. And I did it all. Narc-Anon (for family members of the addict), counseling, rehab centers etc. I stood by it all, and that proved to be no good. He just likes his drug more than anything. Once in a while he will call and claim to be clean, and new life and found God, etc. Then something will happen in his life and he will get high to cope. The cycle gets tiring.
It won't change until your SS wants to change. Each person has their point. For some its rock bottom, for others it takes death. But its all up to them, and there is nothing we can do to speed up that process.
((((HUGS))))
My son is currently in a
My son is currently in a program, he was not only smoking weed but crushing up xanex and snorting it, messing with cocaine and he is 17 and will be 18 in july. what I know is when they avoid parents or are running the streets and have nothing to show for its more then likely he has relapsed. That is my BIGGEST fear when my son gets out, he has been in since December of last year and MIGHT be released next month. He is my only bio child I have, I fought him down tooth and nail, I cried and cried..I was SOOOOOO desperate for help.
DONT GIVE UP ON HIM, DONT TURN THE OTHER CHEEK..go to him if he wont come to you!
GET to the bottom, My thing was I HAVE to do EVERYTHING I can no matter who I had to crawl to, because if I had to bury my son I didnt want to live with the should of's and could of's.
It is true that it has to come from them to stop, BUT you can STILL involve yourselves, find support groups, theirs MOM( mothers against meth, just a example of a group), find some support groups for him, and for you and dad so you can relate to the addiction, not every addiction brings the same feeling when high, and present it to him with all the information.
As for my son they kept him longer because they wanted him to learn how to deal with his emotions( abandonment from his father,resented me because of it..couldnt understand why Bd never cared), they knew if they could get him to except his emotions and learn how to deal with them he has a better chance of staying drug free instead of wanting to get high to fill the void. So..what has he been through in life?whats his hurts..I mean drugs are away to detach people from reality, IT could be something pretty deep for him but whatever it is he needs to learn control of those emotions and maybe if thats the case he still doesn't know how.
I wish you the BEST and my thoughts and prayers are with you, I hope I helped a little.
Good luck!!
" Life is like a jar or Jalapeno peppers, what you
do today could burn your a*s tomorrow."
Stired, You're a dear, and
Stired, You're a dear, and yes, you've helped, as has everyone who posted and PMd. This is a great community.
We don't believe SS has started using again. One of his defense mechanisms is to go into high anxiety mode and avoid his family. Drugs had been a part of this avoidance and a way to cope with, well, everything of course. He is learning how to deal with his emotions and his hurts. I truly don't think he knew that all adults have struggles and hurts. He is going to AA meetings at least a couple times a week, and I am learning as much as I can. We are hopeful.
It has taken a lot, A LOT, for me not to give up on him. At the height of all his lies and drama I seriously tried to disengage from him and was pretty successful at it. As part of his recovery, he has apologized to me, although we haven't really talked that much about what happened. Don't know if we ever will.
Communication between SS and his dad seems to be good, and most things seem positive right now.