"Thank you for your apology."

Must I see them? -Nope

Must I go on trips with them? -Nope

Unless you have told DH it's you or the kids then you don't really have to change anything.

Just let her know that she and DH are adults. If she want's to spend time with him you aren't doing anything to prevent that and she should contact him.

As for you and her. Speak with DH. You can explain to him that you have no desire to attempt to reconnect. Realize that DH may end up mad because it appears that SD is extending an olive branch and you are considering refusing to accept it. You have to decide which battle you want to pick.

Play nice for DH or maintain your distance for your own comfort.

Start by asking DH what he would like, let him know what you are willing to consider and go from there.

I've followed your story over the years and hope you'll forgive my blunt question, but I thought you were leaving this crazy relationship?

Your marriage is in no way conventional, or supportive. Your DH is very controlling, drinks too much, tolerates all sorts of mistreatment from his daughters, and wants you to as well. His parents are also controlling and annoying. Three generations of a dysfunctional family that stresses and steamrolls you. So, why do you choose to be in a relationship that is so hard, where your needs are unimportant and unmet, and you have to deal with emotional booby traps like this?

You are an intelligent, educated professional, a catch on the marriage market. Yet you've wasted so many years on this man and the dysfunction that surrounds him. Today, it's this email; tomorrow, next week, or next month it will be something else.

I know this sounds trite, but I think you would really benefit from some therapy to sort through all of this and identify why you put up with this garbage. I think you deserve so much better and are at an age where your kids are grown and should be enjoying life.

I'm not going to tell you what to do here. Wow!

When DH and I had our blow up three years ago, DH ask me how we could fix things???? I told him, "if you and SD want to sit down and discuss this whole mess with me, apologize to me for the betrayal and gossip behind my back, for almost 15 years, we'll move forward from that time." They neither one have apologized to me and things have never changed concerning my SD. My SD56 wrote me a two page hate email, throwing DH under the bus; thus I found out he had betrayed me to SD for almost 15 years. At that point I blocked her from all my social media, thus I NEVER responded to her, just ignored her. I would never accept an apology from my SD, via email. If she cannot sit down and look me in the eye, we discuss our differences, and take it from there, that is not a true apology.

Social media is for cowards. If I have differences with someone, I will talk to them face to face.

What's up with hiding behind your IPhone and social media, not sincerity. Ugh!

She is a coward!!!! Apologize through an email, basically she is apologizing to a computer or a phone, but not you. How hard is it for her to pick up the phone and call you to apologize? I am sure she talks on the phone every single day, but she will not pick up the phone to apologize to you. It is not like she is doing a face to face apology. Do not fall for it. She is not being sincere! She has some agenda up her sleeve.

If you are responding with an an acceptance for your Dh sake, do so knowing that it is really not an apology. No need to become buddy buddy with your sd. I hate when people apologize by sending a text or email. Give me a break, she is definitely up to something.

"Thank you for your kind email. That was very nice of you to send that.

Of course I want you and your father to have a great relationship. I am so glad that is what both of you want. It's very important for a daughter and father to have close ties.

I never want to come between you and your father. You deserve to have time together to reinforce the bond you two have. Since I have a very full life I will not always be able to join your activities."

Doesn't that just sound sickly sweet - but not a lie. Translation - "Yeah you send an apology - so okay. I guess that makes your father happy, but it changes nothing for me. Have whatever relationship you want with your Dad - but leave me out of it. I am not prohibiting him from seeing you - but I have no desire to ever see your disgusting, lying ass ever again."

A few years back I received a similar email from YSD shortly after she announced the royal wedding date. It said something like "sorry we did not get off to a good start and would like to try again." Because of her nasty behavior toward me prior to that and the timing of the email, it was clear it was so she could look good in DH's eyes and/or because she wanted funds for the royal wedding event. So, there may be an alterior motive for your SD in sending this to you.

My response to the email was that I never even acknowledged the fake "sorry we didn't get off to a good start" and responded to say something like "congratulations on your recent wedding date announcement and I hope you and your future husband are as happy as me and your father." I left it at that and never tried to call her to meet for coffee or anything like that, and am glad I did because she has since ramped up the disrespect not only to me but to her father. I kept thinking how can someone who has been so nasty to me actually send something like this. In my gut I knew it was so she and future husband could hit up DH for wedding funds and shortly after they did.

I never checked with my DH first on what my response should of been. He knows how disrespectful YSD is. You do not have to do anything you don't want to. If you would rather not open the door to her, don't. You will know in your gut if she can be trusted or not. Early on, I made the mistake of forgiving the adult steps when they were disrespectful for DH's sake, only to be treated with hatefulness over and over again. No more. Today, If I ever received an email from any of them apologizing for past nastiness, I would not even waste my time and respond.

An apology entails specifics. Admit what they did, fix what they did in what ever way applicable and NOT do it again.

"sm, I am sorry I stole 1000 from you. I will pay you back each month starting Oct 15, 200.00 until it is paid off in a form of cashiers check. It must have been an awful burden on you and dad to try to make up that money. I am sorry, I lied and I was a thief..

"SM I am sorry that I wrote you were an awful women on FB. My comments were and ARE untrue. I have retracted those comments on yesterdays posts. Please read them attached here". My 300 friends will see this too. They will see how ugly I was to you. I am so sorry I was wrong. One more thing I made sure my mom and my grandmother received copies of my fb post. AND I sent it too the church, they were told awful things about you too.

OP there is a lot more to an apology than an email confession of sins.SHE is the one to make you whole again. It is NOT your moral obligation to make her feel better, warm and fuzzy about her note to you.

Just play the game, be civil, but disengage and don't put any energy into this toxic person.

Do not waste your energy or emotion, whatever you do, whatever it is...will eventually be horrible, regardless of what action you take. Your actions will be interpreted negatively somehow, even if you are completely sincere. The fate of SM's is often very bleak, in this enmeshment; but then again...some SM's may have SD's who do not plan to ruin the marriage a million different ways and then some...LOL; I think there is always a hidden agenda, but I have been burned too many times..to ever trust again.

You're wise to not trust. Keep your distance. You have nothing to gain by socializing with these people. As for your response, just says thanks and hold your ground. Her father is in this position due to HIS failure to set effective boundaries with his children and HER actions. This literally reeks of hidden agenda. Been there and experienced that enough to never trust SD again. Ever.

I can sense from what you wrote that it feels like you took a deep breath and finally were able to exhale. Now you can let go and let be. From here on you can just go about your life and never have to focus on her. She is really nothing to you. What you did was because you love your dh and it was commendable.

He does sound like a good soul. My dh used to make fun of me and said I lived on the planet zorch because I always saw my glass half full and believed people were inherently good and then I met his ds. Now I understand why my ex saw the world as an evil place full of cruel people.

You are also a good soul, you did good!!!

The best thing that can happen is for her to criticize you letter. Hope she does that and that she shows it to your dh. You can then say, "No matter what I do or say it is never good enough. Dh do you see something wrong with what I wrote? I guess I am done trying." Then in silence you can say "good riddance" and smile.

OP - My advice to you, whatever you decide to do is: Write it, Regret it. Say it, Forget it.

I have always held to that adage and instilled it into my daughter as well.

Once something is written down it can't be taken back, or even denied. And it can be read wrong or taken wrong. There is a lot to be said about the way we talk and the nuances of words and tonation in speaking.

If you say something to someone then they have the chance to question you if they don't understand about meaning. But, at least they don't have any kind of written copy that can be used against you etc. And should they take it wrong, or decide to make it seem that you said something to them, it becomes he said/she said, so to speak, and that never holds up. Even if you were mean to her in what you said, there still is plausible deniability as there is NO ctual record. Remember, he said/she said stuff never ever holds up in court....no proof.

I guess the same caution would go to emails, facebook, cell phone, etc.

What you communicate to her is commendable. The ball is n her court and now you have written proof. You can now let go!

If she were truly sincere, she would have contacted you directly and met with you face to face. Since you know she isn't, whats her motivation for this non apology letter? There has to be something in it for her otherwise....

Your post made me recall once or twice when my SD was suddenly warm and kind to me. I took those chances to tell her how happy I was the past was behind us and we could be friendly. Today, I'm completely disengaged. My SD runs very hot and very cold - as if she really wants to be decent to me and grown up, but she can't sustain it because her own demons get in her way. So I get whatever mood the wind blows my way on any day. I've felt like a chump trusting the mean girl. It's been humiliating at times.

Perhaps your SD is the same - she knows this is silly, Lifetime movie behavior, and at the moment she wrote her apology, she really wanted a better relationship with you. But there are her evil mother and sister who might influence her attempts to fix your relationship, not to mention her own parent issues, abandonment issues, daddy issues, all of which might flare up making you the sucker again for trusting her one more time.

I don't think you should disregard a sincere apology because surely it wasn't easy for her, even if it's too little or too late. To her, it was huge. It should be rewarded with due kindness from you - it will set an example for her, show her you're a forgiving person, and it could come back in spades later - you just never know.

But you said it - you don't trust her. That doesn't have to change soon. You can accept the apology without expecting much from her because of it. If you get something better, great! If you don't get anything better, you didn't lose credibility. Just keep cool and distant, and save judgment for later. Maybe she will surprise you, but you won't know if she's genuine if you shut her down now.

So I think you thank her for her kind note, write a sincere acceptance, maybe acknowledge that you recognize it wasn't easy for her to write the apology, say you hope things can improve because it would make DH happy to have his family on better terms - all true things, or nearly true things - and then sit back and enjoy the fact that you did not make the divide bigger, you gave her an opening to improve her behavior, and you don't have to do any work.

This ticks a lot of boxes, including showing DH you are open to his miserable kids. You don't lose any ground because you're not promising her anything. If she reverts to the same old, you and DH know you were open to her and she's the one who blew it.

MarbleFawn it was not a sincere apology. If it was she would have done it face to face or at the very least called her on the phone. Strange how these adult steps think they can sidestep accountability, responsibility and integrity by simply typing a few words on a machine. My ss who is 50 years old, recently made up a story to get my ds in trouble with my ex, his df. The incident blew up on ss face as he was caught in the lie. My ex got really angry at his ds and let him have it to the point that ss was crying as he was being yelled at. So in order to fix things with his df and to gain favoritism again ss texted an apology to my ds. They live under the same roof, as ds rents upstairs apartment from ex, and ss lives on the lower floor with ex. They saw each other every day, sometimes a couple of times a day. How hard is it to simply approach ds, apologize, and shake hands. No, instead he texted. Like in newimpvmodel's case it was not a true apology, made with the intention of making amends. The apology is meant to gain favoritism in daddy's eyes.