Firstly, my condolences.

You can cut the step kids out of YOUR will, but not your husband's I'm pretty sure. But you ARE his wife, so that may give you some leeway, I would honestly get a lawyer darling.

The desire for revenge runs deep.

Your husband who knew these children for all of their lives decided to leave them his legacy anyway and you should respect his request. After all he earned his share of the assets and they should go to where he directed it to go.

I have little doubt he had some complaints about your children yet had no objection to them inheriting your share of the estate. Plus I have little doubt your step-children have complaints of their own about you and perhaps their father also.

I'm guessing they were raised by their mother and as a result your husband had little to do with how they were raised. They reflect the values of their mother and probably a step father. But this is not for you to judge when it comes to the final act. Your husband made his decision while in good mental health and you should leave it alone.

Of course they should have acted better. I'm sure you can remember some times when you wish you had also. Nursing homes are difficult places to visit and its a reminder to everyone that visits that they could end up in the same smelly privacy-less place at the end of their lives. I'd rather jump off the building than go in it. You have the opportunity to take the high road here instead if the petty little revenge seeking old hag you'll be remembered as if you pursue this course of action.

Ask your attorney about a Living Will which should name all of the children as recipients of the whole estate. A Living Will allows the estate to bypass Probate which is an expensive and time consuming procedure which does little but reduce the amounts the heirs finally get.

Let me give you a tip. Go through all the personal effects of your husband and give all of it to the boy who contacted you asking him to share it with his siblings. Do the same with anything you want your children to have after you die. All that jewelry you never wear. Watch the glow when they receive your treasures while you're still alive. Do it now. It'll be a gift and has nothing to do with the estate after you die. It's their property the second you hand it to them. The same can be said of any furniture, pictures that have any family heirloom value. Give it to your children. And to his children anything in the house you know belongs to your husbands family. His fishing rods, old automobile, the toy he made in woodworking class in high school or that oil panting his uncle made. Give it to them and if they put it in the trash its their business. You've done the right thing.

I am so sorry you are going through this. I have a different take. I grew up dirt poor; my dad is dead and my mom will die in debt thanks to her get - rich - quick- without-working second husband. I think an inheritance translates into a promise that is easily broken. Why do we have to leave anything to our kids? Shouldn't they be out earning for themselves? My DH is obsessed with leaving the kids a pile; I'm not. Personally, I don't make a lot of money but by the time I retire I will have a quarter million in my retirement, along with the assets in my marriage. I plan on leaving my kids (including SS36)A token amount apeice, and the properties we own. The rest will go to the little church I grew up in, and the humane society. Whatever you decide. please get a good estate lawyer. Good luck, and God bless.

I am sincerely sorry for your loss ~ death brings out the devil in people. When my mother passed away ~ everything went to my father. Bout almost 6 years ago I lost my husband and have been our 4 kids that were all under the age of 15 by myself. My father remarried almost 15 years ago ~ I never wanted him to be alone. My siblings and I were all adults in different states n I would visit as often as possible.

I liked my sm until the moment she wanted me to speak to my father about putting her in the deed of the house. She was worried as to what would happen to her after the demise of my father. Hearing this over and over again when I was in town visit became to much for me. I had just recently lost my mother n truly didn't want to fathom my fathers death. I told my sm ~ I m sorry this is not something I ever want to speak of again.
I continued to have a solid relationship with my father through daily phone calls. After my husband passed away ~ the worry of me raising my kids on my own grew into stress for him. 6 months to the day of my husbands death ; my dad passed away. With my sm knowing the concern my father had for me ~ my father has left money market accounts for the grandchildren upon her demise.
I m struggling to keep a float for unforseable events in my life. I have kindly asked for her from her ~ n I was told there is no money in one breath n then the next I can't access it without getting a penalty. My words to her were you know exactly what my fathers intentions were ~ if you chose not to honor them ~ then it is on you. I hope you sleep well at night.

I am on the fence about the house which in the will was left to all of us ~ but because the deed of the house triumphs the will I was not even given a handkerchief of my fathers. He was my father for 43 years ~ my parents legacy is bound up in that house ~ she will never take my memories away from me ever. The greed in her was astonishing ~ how can she just wipe their existence away. They were the best parent anyone could have had. Death brings out the devil

I have in my will that if anyone were to challenge [contest] my will they get nothing.
My will says my children and step children will be treated equal. I am soon going to change that. The one who is extremely nasty I will give one dollar. the others will no longer be equal to my own kids. Why reward the lack of love and respect? Only one SK has treated me good. I am thinking 10% for her but no longer equal.

If he left everything to you then it does not sound like your husband's children are legally obligated to a share and therefore you are also not legally obligated. The one thing I would question here is, is there anything that his children should have that you are willing to give to them? Giving them something now that he is gone might help them, they did lose their dad. I understand your thoughts with them not visiting and all. Did they attend his memorial service?

I think that you need to ask yourself a few questions.

1. Where did the bulk of the estate come from? If the majority of it came from your husbands income, your income, or 50/50? and that leads to the next question

2. If your husband contributed the majority of the assets then how would he feel if you cut out his kids and left it to your kids?

Honoring you husband should trump cutting out the skids. If this was the will he favored and he contributed at least a significant portion of the assets, then you should not disrespect him in death and change it.

One last note - if the will in place is a joint will then you might not be able to change it. Some states require the signatures of both parties to nullify the current will.

im sorry for your loss.

unless it was an oversight, clearly your husband intended for you to be taken care of first and foremost, and not his children.

it is entirely up to you what, if anything, you will to his children.

my fiance does not intend to leave anything to his daughter. she will get a life insurance policy and his social security should he die before she turns 18. beyond that that, he feels that what he has paid in child support is her inheritance since when all is said and done it will be about $200K, all of which is tax free.

you could always leave a tangible dollar amount to each of them if you feel you should or that he would want it, but i personally would not leave them a percentage interest in the estate. you can simply say "10K to jimmy, $10K to johnny and $15K to billy because he is the only one who cared, and then the remainder of my estate will be divided 50-50 among jane and joan"

My SD will get nothing. My parents are also concerned about money they leave me will not get into SD hands. I will be getting a will that puts my inheritance into a trust if I die first and my husband will get a monthly allowance only. Upon his death, the remaining funds will go to my nephews. I have no children

Don't give the brats a second thought.

I do want to say I'm so sorry for your loss.

My thinking is that he left everything to you. Period. You do your own will now and you leave everything to your children. Period. Specifically state in there with regards to your step children that you are specifically omitting them, and should they contest it they are granted $1.00 (ONE DOLLAR). I don't know what state your in and I'm sure every state may be different, but this will be what is in my will should I survive my husband. I will be instantly re-doing my will to specifically leave those brats out of my estate. I would rather that my estate go to ANYONE ELSE BUT skids. They are jerks.

If I were you I would not leave anything for them either.
They did nothing to deserve it.

i am so sorry about your loss. i agree that what he left you is YOURS. you owe them nothing. they made life for you miserable, now its time for them to reap their "reward." i find quite a few skids are only interested in the money their father hands out.

Sorry for your loss. I think the best answer I could give is, sell everything. Give each one a portion that you feel comfortable with and call it a day. You do not OWE them anything. I have often wondered what will happen in my case when it comes to that day, and to be honest, they will take everything away from me and I know this. That is why I am trying to get my life choices in order long before and I will have a will for DH and myself that can NOT be contested. If I have to update a will every year, so be it. I can only say that I have been here for my husband for years and to have skids walk in and take everything from me, NO NOT going to happen! I would burn it all to the ground before I would let them walk away with everything we have built and leave me with nothing. Johnny Cash sung about this also.. You can have it all, my empire of dirt.... That is how I feel about that.

I would give anything to have my Dad back in my life, he past 3 years ago.. But was gone long before due to stroke. I would endure a dreaded step mom, because in the end, it's not about them, its about you and your father/mother not about who is doing what to who. You don't get that time back. I have no respect for people (skids) who say I can't stand the SM or SD enough to walk away from their parent forever. You have to have a balance from both parties, a mutual respect and love for the parent. He or she is caught between their child and the person THEY chose to love...

I hope things work out for you. Sell everything, that way there is NO ties for you to have to divide. God Bless...

Remember, we're only hearing one side of the story.

I am a step-mom AND a step-daughter.

I saw my dad's will and he has it set up so that my SM will receive 75%, while the remaining 25% will get split between myself and my two brothers. In essence, most my father's money will end up with my step-brother and step-sister's kids. Each of his own bios will get 8.3%, while his three step-grandkids will end up with 25% each.

I don't care about the money, it's the principle. We've been great kids to our father and have been in his life waaaayyy longer than his wife. They married when we were adults. We have never been anything but respectful and nice to her, while she has been controlling and bitchy.

I understand that a wife is usually the main inheritor, but if a father intended for some to go to his kids, she shouldn't have control over whether or not that happens just because SHE feels they may not have treated her the way she wanted to be treated. On the other hand, if the kids honestly WERE uncaring (and not just avoiding SM) to their father, as a step-mom myself, I would have trouble giving them much of anything ...but I'm not sure it would be my call to make.

I like what StepAside wrote a number of posts back.

skids rarely belong in the estate of a step parent. the best way to do this is to talk to an estate attorney. wills can easily be contested and are not the best option. wills also have to go through probate.

My husbands kids already said anything of value is theirs... Even down to my cat, whom is my little baby, they said they want her. I said NO! That is something personal to me, not them. As far as expensive things, yeah there is a lot that is high dollar, but we also have life insurance and that is split between myself, and two step kids. Which would mean that all our bills will fall on me, because it is more than the insurance after being split. So I told my husband I am going back to work to get rid of the debt because I am not going to live in a box if anything happens to him.

Fair is fair and I get that, but everything in our house is personal to me not them, other than pictures. All my kitchen stuff, my bedroom set, none of which is stuff that they should even want, but I know if something was to happen the BIO would get them to fight for everything.

That is why I have told him we will log everything, keep it up to date and know who gets what (and so will they so they can not fight me over it).

Cut them out and do NOT feel bad about it, they would leave you high and dry if they could! Do you not deserve what you have worked hard for?? Sorry I show NO sympathy for these people because they would leave you in a box if the shoe was on their foot!

First, my condolences to you and your family on the loss of your husband.

Now ... the assets are yours. Period. You can do with them what you wish both now and in your Will after you pass. In my layman's opinion of course. Get hold of your attorney and get an estate plan in order that distributes YOUR estate as YOU wish.

Give the money and assets to whoever you wish. Personal effects, particularly your DH's effects can also be allocated in your Will. It might be a good gesture to give his prior relationship spawn any of his personal effects that predate your relationship with him/them and any gifts they may have given to him after you married.

My parent's Will splits their assets equally between my brother and I. It is our job to allocate assets to our own heirs in our respective Wills. That said, SS-23 who is the eldest of my parent's 4 grandchildren was named specifically in their Will as receiving a lump sum. Now that I have adopted him ... he gets squat. }:) Now for the rest of the story.... Originally my parent's Will divided their estate (following the death of the last survivor) in equal shares between all of their direct descendants. So, other than a specific lump sum allocated to my SS my brother and his 3 kids would get 80% of our parent’s estate and I would get 20% as I have no BKs. I was fine with that. I am successful in my own right and so is my baby COO bro who is notably more successful than I am. Our parent’s Will gave my SS a lump sum for two reasons, to ensure he was included in the distribution of their estate, and to protect the Will from being contested by the Sperm Clan in the event of my parent’s demise before SS reached majority.

My brother took exception to him and his spawn getting 80% of our parent’s estate while I would get only 20% and advised our parents that if that stipulation remained that he and his children would refuse any inheritance or donate all of theirs to charity. He did not think it was fair that since he spawned and I have not that he and his heirs get more than I would. Little Bro the COO advised mom and dad to just split their estate equally between he and I and let us be responsible for providing for our own family and heirs. So, that is what mom and dad did. When I adopted SS in April of this year … their Will was changed removing him from receiving any assets directly as an heir to my parents. My son and my niece and nephews are all named as receiving specific personal items from their grandparents but none of them get assets or money. SS-23 has always been a Rags. But now that he is officially a Rags with the family name and all he is no longer special. Poor kid.

My son is my parents eldest grandchild and they have considered him nothing less than their grandchild since I introduced the Skid and my bride to them about 7mos before we married. Our marriage made that a permanent condition. Heaven forbid if anyone were to tell my parents that the Skid is not their grandchild. I shudder to think of the wrath and fury that would fall on a person who would make that mistake.

Of course all could change upon the demise of the first of my parents to check out. The survivor could leave it all to cats or dogs or something. Survivorship laws make a Will only as good as the judgment of the surviving spouse. They don’t have cats or dogs but my mom is a plant freak so she could leave it to plants if that is what she chooses I suppose. My hope is that mom and dad enjoy their hard earned success and slide into the curb in front of the pearly gates with their hair a windblown mess, the tires smoking, having bounced the last check they write and laughing about what an amazing ride they have had.

They raised their sons to be independent self supporting adults. I want them to enjoy their retirement years and not worry about their boys or grandspawn. My brother is in agreement on this.

As for our estate (mine and my brides), we are each the sole beneficiary of everything and in the event of our joint demise our Will stipulates that it all goes into trust for our son (Formerly my SS-23) until he turns 40yo or completes a bachelor’s degree from a regionally accredited college or university. This is our way of parenting and enforcing our goals for him from beyond the grave if necessary. Mwa, mwa, mwa, mwa, mwaaaaaaaaa! }:)

My husband and I got married late in life, a second marriage for both of us and we have separate wills. I don’t expect him to leave anything of his to my son and my husband doesn’t expect me to leave anything of mine to his two kids.

My husband’s two adult children abandoned their Father a long time ago. They are selfish, irresponsible and difficult to deal with. I don’t understand how such a sweet, gentle, intelligent man like my husband could be the parent of these two, they are nothing like him or any other members from his side of the family. We get rumblings of their actions towards others through our nieces. Most of it is difficult to hear about and it embarrasses and depresses my husband. Their names are brought up less and less at family get togethers.

To make certain there is no chance they get any of my assets, I have left everything to my grown son. His name is listed as the primary beneficiary on all documents. My sister is the second beneficiary and the executrix of my will.

My sister and my son have a copy of my will and I have photographed sentimental family items with descriptions and a letter of intent of who is to get what.

In a funny way I am grateful to my step-children for being so awful because it made me diligent that all of my paperwork is in order.

Step children aren't owed anything in any state. Double check, but most states do not have provisions for step children - they aren't your kids!! My SKIDS aint getting shit and they ain't got no claim to it. Make this profoundly CLEAR in your will. There isn't a thing they can protest about. Better yet, put things in a living trust so your heirs don't have to go thru probate which could take minimum of 2 years.

I am in a similar situation, but I didn't need the will, I directly inherited everything, there was not enough after that for probate. I am done with how they treat me and have decided to cut back on what they will get when I die.  My husband wanted me to be taken care of, we both worked hard all our lives for what we have, he was only with their Mom 7 years, he was with me close to 30.  I am just done even trying, my husband told me what he wanted them to get but also said if they are bad to you, you can disinherit.  Well, they did do a pretty bad thing to me, trying to get $ now instead of waiting till I die. I had given them more than what my husband had asked me to when he was alive, they did this to themselves.  Now I will give them more along the lines of what my husband asked me to, which is substantially less.

We can give you all sorts of advice and opinions but don't know the full extent of the laws in your state. My DH and I have  wills but I still have questions about how things would/could play out in the event of either of us passing away. I'll be making an appointment with an attorney with some questions but I'll be going without my DH.

I'm going to sum up the past year and a half. My brother was enmeshed with my mother and he literally used up all their money and filed for bankruptcy. Only asset left was my parents home in a trust. My father lived with us his last year.  It was hell. No money.  No Medicaid. Just me and DH who was awesome. Father died. We never had his will changed so it all went to his wife. My vile twisted mother. She got control of trust when my father died and removed me as trustee. Put in a family member and made my brother's minor child sole beneficiary of close to a million dollars that my brother can use. 
So I got absolutely nothing from the house I up in. And the irony is we cared for the house for yrs as my mother left 6 yrs ago to be a slave for my brother across the country. 
I was totally disinherited. I feel the tears coming even now. It is a terrible pain and honestly if you can give the steps something I would. Where did the money come from of your husband's?  Was it when he was married to his ex?  
I do understand your poor relationship with steps. But I can tell you being totally left with nothing is the worst emotional wound I've ever suffered. I feel like I was never loved as a child by anyone. No joke. And it's not about the money. So I would recommend giving them some items and possibly some money as well. I admit I reacted strongly reading the beginning of your post and then felt the need to respond. It's very personal stuff.  So sorry for your loss.