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DH is angry and bitter

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Dh TALKS nasty to our teen BS, and I. Just nasty and impatient.

SD and family are due to arrive for their 2 week vacation at our 2nd summer home this weekend. Said home is only 10 min away from our permanent home. so basically I will not see much of DH for the next 2 weeks. Then he wants 2 of the gkids to stay with us for a week, then SD and her DH are back at the other home for another week. This is one month of my summer that I have to deal with the great divide and DH's guilt and misery.

I am losing my patience for dealing with the split family. Dh and first family v. me and our son together.

I really feel like wrapping this up and putting myself out of my misery.

As my counselor said, nothing changes, if nothing changes.

Feeling very lost and sad right now.

positivelyfourthstreet's picture

It's weird how they can be so bitter and angry at US for the problems THEY created isn't it?

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Dh has just been nasty and impatient about anything. We avoid the step issue like the big elephant in the room.

He just is miserable about EVERYTHING. I am so tired of walking on eggshells.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

The week the gkids would be here Sd and her DH would go home as he has to work that week. So they all thought it would be nice for the 2 gkids to stay with us.

I am thinking of asking DH to stay there for the entire time as I can't deal with his moods anymore.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

Thanks Ripley. I was drafting a letter and your input helped immensely!

So frustrating.....

frustratedstepdad's picture

Stupid question....but have you told him how you feel? I wouldn't put up with walking on eggshells in my own home. I did that for years because of the stepdaughters, and it just made me angry and resentful.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

oh Yes I have told him how I feel many times. He will then calm down and be "nice" for a while. As soon as step shit starts up again, he is angry and bitter.

Rags's picture

I think that what a BP with no Skids and children with multiple partners forgets is that for their spouse the only child priority is their own child(ren). They may share those children with their spouse but for the Sparent only their own take precedence.

While the partner with multiple broods struggles to understand that their spouse wants their joint brood to be the unequivocal resource, time, and life focus.

IMHO the spouse and their own joint children must get the nod over the X and the previous brood. The loyalty to the spouse trumps anything to do with the prior spouse. If the first brood kids do not live with the second spouse and brood then sadly they cannot have precedence.

The partner with the prior brood must insist that the first brood participate with the second or they don't get to participate.

All of the kids are at parity but the spouse trumps all of the kids which gives the advantage to the current spouses and their joint brood.

My apologies for the meandering but hopefully I communicated what I was thinking. :?

stepinafrica's picture

I'm so sorry for you, and especially for your son. If you can't arrange to go somewhere could you at least arrange for your son to be out of the home during that time. Perhaps visiting his grandparents or something?

Get a hobby - something that can take your mind away for hours. I used to knit and I would literally be in my own world for several hours while knitting. You could also consider volunteering somewhere. Anything to make sure you are not there to be his emothinal punching bag.

*hugs*