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DH is really showing changed behaviour

tigerlily74's picture

Submitted by tigerlily74 on Thu, 02/08/2018 - 6:49pm

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

Chinese New Year is next week so DH and I are planning all the many visits we have to pay to senior family members as is the tradition.

Me: Hang on, I hope you aren't planning to visit SD31's in-laws. We did that last year, right?
DH: We did.
Me: Well, her parents-in-law are not Chinese, so we aren't obligated to visit them.
DH: I suppose.
Me: And SD lives with them. Technically, your daughter should be visiting you. Not the other way around.
DH: Okay.
Me: Okay?
DH: Okay, we won't visit them.

Wow. That was easy!

I'm really pleased with DH's changed behaviour after our big fight three weeks ago!

marblefawn's picture

Submitted by marblefawn on Fri, 02/09/2018 - 2:07am

Oh, is that the tradition? That's so cool. I should visit my parents. I'm not Chinese, but...wait for it...I have a Chinese crested and it IS the Year of the Dog!!!

Tigerlily I'm very happy to read that things are going your way. You know what they say...New Year, New You!

新年快乐

tigerlily74's picture

Submitted by tigerlily74 on Fri, 02/09/2018 - 3:28am

@marblefawn: HAHA. You should definitely take a nice photo of your pupper and wish all your Chinese friends a "Happy New Year of the Earth Dog"! Make him wear a red shirt to up his festive game. 新年快乐 to you and your oriental doggo!

Yes, visiting your seniors is the tradition during Chinese New Year! You visit your elders to "pay your respects". For example, my father's family used to gather at his stepmother's house. Now that she's passed, the family gathering will move to my father's house as he is the next most senior who is willing to open his house to the whole clan. It's quite a nice tradition!

Thank you, DH does seem to be changing how he panders to SD. We started re-reading "Step Wars - Overcoming the Perils and Making Peace in Adult Stepfamilies" by Grace Gabe & Jean Lipman-Blumen. I whipped it out recently as we continue to heal after our big fight. We read it aloud together at night before we sleep. Very nerdy, but it builds togetherness - and we stop to comment, discuss or rolleyes (that'd be me). I suggested reading help books with their spouses to a couple of people here!

Fingers crossed DH will keep it up!