You teach people how to treat you. Your house, your rules. If they don't follow them you enforce them. If they don't like it, leave. Simple.

Next time the 18 year old threatens to move out, say "promise?".

Next time they don't clean up after themselves or their boyfriends, take all the dirty pots and pans and put them on their bed.

Next time they bring a boyfriend in without asking, tell the boyfriend to leave.

They do it because they can, no one enforces the rules - you may as well not have any.

I really feel bad for you. It is a tough situation and it WILL NOT get any better as long as the adult children are allowed to stay.

Your first mistake was allowing them to move in. I know you thought you were being the good guy and in a perfect world it would have all worked out great. What I have learned is "no good dead goes unpunished!"

Personally the ONLY option I would give them is 30 days to leave. That 30 days will be tough enough on you but in my honest opinion it is the ONLY option for peace in your home. These adults are ungrateful and only learning that it is okay to not grow up. If mom doesn't like the plan she can have 30 days as well.

It wont be easy. My dh and I live out in the country on our farm. We have a small herd of cows. About 20 moma cows. The calves are weaned at about 6 months. When it is time to wean we have to separate the mother cows from all the calves and you should hear all the crying/bawling. It is loud. The mother cows all bawling for their calves and all the calves bawling for their mothers. This goes on for DAYS! The thing is, we HAVE to wean them. If we don't the mother cow (who is expecting another calve) will continue to nurse this adolescent calve right up to the point she gives birth to her new calve AND the new calve will die without that first special milk called colostrum. This colostrum milk is produced only for a few days. I share this little education about cattle as it reminds me so much of how adult children and their parents act when it comes time to wean children that have not been taught or prepared to be on their own.

For THEIR own good they need to be on their own and for your marriage they need to be on their own.

I have been married with adult stepkids for 12 years. Thankfully none of them live with us now but I had had enough problems with them when they did live with us. I will not allow them to move back. I/we have done so much for my skids including cars and even a rental home for one to live in. Nothing has been appreciated. I have learned to mention something to my dh about his kids will get me one of three reactions. 1) he will defend them, or 2) he will make excuses for them, or 3) he will throw me under the bus. I love my dh very much but this is what I have learned and I don't like any of the 3 reactions. My line in the sand now is NONE of them will move back in. My dh mentioned once about the oldest sd & her dh AND her three kids moving in with us. I told him we would get divorced and I meant it. Like I said, I love my dh but after being treated so crappy by my skids (still treated crappy by the way) and my dh NOT protecting me or defending me I certainly will not live like that.

You mentioned you are a christian. I am too. No where in the bible does it say "parents, obey your children."

I truly wish you the very best.

Agree with Heavenlike except for this - I think there is only one solution to your problem: Divorce.

Period. It's as simple as that. Face the facts: You are 43 years old and you MUST think about your own future and what you want the rest of your life to be like. You are nothing more than a meal ticket to your wife and her brood - I'm sorry, but that's the truth.

This situation will not change and will only get worse as these girls get older and start popping out kids of their own.

They will suck you dry financially and emotionally until you are nothing more than a shell of a man. Don't be swayed by false claims they "love" you ... bull. They love what you are able to provide - not you.

Get out now, while you can and you will be amazed at the wonderful self-supporting women out there (also childless) who would be happy to SHARE their life with you.

Imagine what a life you could have - traveling, building a beautiful home together, enjoying time with like-minded friends and family. And being able to experience a TRUE spiritual partnership with someone, not the lip-service that you are currently getting.

Or you have the option to stay where you are -- which is flat-out doormat. Love and respect starts within. If you want to be the best man you were destined to be, you must get out of this situation. Only then can you truly be a contributor to a healthy home and a happy member of a community.

Sorry to be so blunt but I think you have time to get out NOW before it's too late! Don't waste another minute - make 2017 your year of liberation.

They have trained you to be a doormat. They took advantage of your enthusiasm and love and generosity and inch by inch, foot by foot, scratch by scratch, trained you to be a doormat.

You are supporting 5 adults by my count and that doesn't even count you. Who made you the Social Welfare Agency of YourTown?

I advise you to re-learn how to say no and to keep boundaries. I was advised this a very long time ago by a wise man and it really helped me. Next time there is some situation requiring a group or joint decision, just say no. "We thought maybe Taco Bell for lunch, whaddya think?" OP "No. I'd like Chick Fillet. Let's go there."

This will make you sweat and palpitate at first because you don't really care and why not go along if they really do care and why be such a ratplastered? Well, you are not being a ratplastered. You are learning to find your voice, your boundaries, to express dissent and enforce boundaries.

The more you practice this the easier it will become to actually say no when it really does count and you can drop the Taco Bell moments.

Because the only way to save yourself now and to prevent yourself getting into this situation again is to take back your self-hood and learn to protect your boundaries.

Hopefully within a few weeks you can get your gumption up -- without the sweats and palpitations and yelling -- and quietly, calmly, confidently give the married couple a 30 or 60 day eviction notice. Then move on to the 20 year old. By then the last one should be around 19 and if she has gotten a clue from the fate of her sisters, maybe she can stay for a little while longer. But eventually she has to go, too.

You fear your wife will be the first to go if you start doing this. Yes, you take that risk. But I doubt it. As you said, she enjoys getting the mortgage paid and where is this troupe of clowns gonna go without Mr. GotBucks? So I really believe the risk is very, very low. Also, I would like to presume your wife really loves you. So you take the action and test that. In your discussions with her, you just keep repeating "it's time to let go of the fledglings, let the birdies fly" alternating with "I can't live like this and I won't live like this. You had 4 years (or whatever) to straighten it out now it's my turn." Broken record.

I promise you that if she bails on you you are better off knowing what you really mean to her. And you will find someone who actually appreciates and respects you in the future. But I'm going to say chances are you will just get some yelling and pouting and finally a peaceful house full of 2 adults only -- you and dw.

You've obviously heard of Disney Dads - well you obviously have a Disney Mom. You really need to get mom on board with these rules and help enforce them. You being the man of the house and it being YOUR house, you have every right to say no boys, clean up, and pitch in. Mom is the biggest problem - she is allowing her kids to do this even when you seemingly both had agreed on house rules. The bio parent is supposed to be the one to handle the discipline - but if the bio is incapable of it then you may need to step in to "help" her learn to enforce rules. Especially if it is a moral issue (boys in their rooms, staying over, etc.). Have a nice long talk with mom about her need of love and your need of respect - or yes, it may eventually lead to divorce.

In our house there is graduated financial help from the kids/skids (an all dependent on them going to college full time)- when they graduate form HS they pay for their cell phones, gas, clothes, car payments, insurance, etc. They basically get 1 free summer to adapt then they start paying a % of the utilities, food, etc. And when they graduate from college (22-24 years old) IF they choose to move back home it is with them paying rent and they have 4-6 months to get their own apartments - or the rent gets increased until they do. If they choose to drop out of school and not go to college then they must work full time AND start paying rent, utilities, food, etc. Make it uncomfortable for them and they will find someplace else to live.

At their ages, they should WANT to be independent adults and not living under parents roof - but without rules to abide by, why move at all? It is easier to let mom and SD take care of all their needs.

Matt 19:5-6, Eph 5:23-24, Eph 5:33, I Peter 3:7, I Chor 11:3.

you need to be a man and kick those adult non-blood related women out of your home and then command the respect of your wife. That would please the Lord.