Does counseling help
Forums:
I see some couples going to counseling to try to save their marriages because of crazy spoiled adult SK's and a DH that gives into them and cant stand up to his kids.Does counseling help? Does the DH finally figure it out? Just wondering if counseling helps anyone that has been. 
My DH will not agree to
My DH will not agree to counseling, as he is a firm believer of what he doesn't know, can't be true..... I guess, he really doesn't want to hear anybody else's opinion on his behaviour.
The only thing we EVER argue about us the skids.......
I agree. I think the reason
I agree. I think the reason Husbands refuse to go is because they are the ones held accountable and told they are wrong to put the wife aside to please their kids.Some Husbands dont deserve a good loving wife.Some Husbands do deserve their SK;s.LOL
That happened to me. DH's
That happened to me. DH's former shrink (before I was on the scene) told me that he has every right to parent the way he wants to and I am to accept it (IN MY OWN HOME). I DIDN'T GO BACK. DUMB BITCH. He'd already spent a good year playing VICTIM to her over his own divorce, that he had her sucking his thumb. It was completely biased. AND---she was suppose to be skilled in "blended families". OH--------if I knew now what I didn't know then, She'd most certainly have a bull in the china shop with me.
I would love my DH to go to a
I would love my DH to go to a good counsler for us and for the way his kids treat him. I can tell him what they are doing to him and he just dont get it or cant face it.I dont know. All 3 of his kids are nothing like him. They all stick together and they cant do anything wrong.If one of them causes a conflict the other two are right there to defend the one wrong.In the past before I disengaged from his kids they could tell some big lies on me or do something to really hurt me.DH would be really mad and when he went to talk to them he would come back like a whipped pup.Nothing was settled and he didnt want to talk about it .If my daughter treated her SD (my DH)like his kids treat him it would be on I can tell you.She would never treat him bad again.My daughter isnt like the SK's .She wouldnt mistreat him.How is it mothers that have kids or SK wont put up with them acting like the devil and yet most DH's give into them when they are the devil and the innocent ones are the ones to hurt.I think counseling might just help my DH.Guess its worth a try.
Big waste of time and money
Big waste of time and money if you ask me. I've been to 3 different counselors since I got married. First was for DH and I, she told me I was being codependent and told DH he had to learn to be a human-being, not a human-doing...he has issues with life not being a to-do list of things to check off. No constructive advice, DH never "got it" and couldn't even do reflective listening exercises. When we went for family counseling, the skids just wanted to play with the toys (they were 8 and 13 at the time). The last time I went on my own and I basically felt like the counselor was trying to convince me the only way I would feel happy was if I had a divorce and moved back to my home state. When I told him that wasn't an option he said, "I never said that, you are putting words in my mouth", so I quit going. SS went to counseling too per neurologist orders and his counselor made him believe that pulling pranks at school would help him find his identity and that he should get an allowance, just for being alive! If you do decide to go to counseling, good luck...its never helped me.
When SD had her meltdown and
When SD had her meltdown and DH ran out the door I called a 'mental hotline' and got a women who was openly hostile from the get-go. After being verbally and emotionally abused by both SD and her husband, the counselor told me not to expect DH to choose between SD and I - it was too conflicting. I wasn't ASKING DH to choose. It made me wonder if she was a SD herself. Like many of you, my DH refuses to go to counselling because they basically told him he was going to have to treat me with more respect. After the experiemce with the 'mental hotline' woman I was really nervous but made an appointment for myself. I got lucky this time. The therapist helped me to regain enough confidence to disengage. I guess if I were to make an appointment with a therapist, one of the first questions I will ask is, "Are you a child of divorce?"
I was fortunate in that the
I was fortunate in that the counselor I chose picked up immmediately the narcissistic behavior of one of my SD and told me to STAY away. I went 6 months to her. Felt guilty that maybe I was being too rough of both of the little darlings and got a second opinion from my husband's pastor . He too had picked up on their personality disorders and told me to STAY away from them. Wow! It took me two years to actually see how aweful I had been treated for years. I have since thanked them both. They told me to disengage but never used that term. Exactly what many of us on this forum practice. My husband has disengaged too. I look back now at the 10 years and just shake my head. How horrible.
I had a good experience with
I had a good experience with counseling. I'd suggest you go alone. First you'll be amazed at what insight a good counselor has and they can give you tools you never thought existed.
Second your husband may decide to go if for no other reason than to defend himself or to see if you are working out how to best divorce him.
Our experience in 'family'
Our experience in 'family' therapy was a dumpster fire. The first therapist seemed reasonable but fired us (SO, SD23, and myself) because SD23 sent a long annoying email to therapist outside of session complaining about therapist's mediation and then chastising therapist for not using the correct they/them pronouns. Therapist disengaged after that. Yes, that is how bad it is to interact with SD23 that the therapist - a PhD - disengaged after 3 sessions. The second therapist was nice but useless. SD23 can't communicate (which is why she sends long inappropriate texts/emails) and therapist tried offering advice but SD23 is too immature and stunted to understand. Therapist did bluntly tell her she had to move her stuff out since both SO and I said she had to. I call this parenting but nowadays it seems these spoiled kids will only listen to parents if backed up by a therapist.
I told SO the next time his bundle of joy started giving him the silent treatment because of me, he was on his own. Not doing any more family therapy.
I guess it may help some but in our case the SD has too many issues and really needs to do individual therapy first. And frankly not sure she will ever get 'better'.