Father and Daughter Relationship

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My relationship with my husband has become very strenuous. He was previously married and she passed away. The problem I'm having is My husband feel's the need to tell his adult daughter everything. He seems to think she walk's on water. My husband's 2 other adult kid's seem to think it's because she remind's him so much of the late wife. I have tried to be very nice with her and her husband. They have continued to be very disrespectful of me. This has gone on for about 8 year's. I have not been to their home in 3 year's because of the way I have been treated by them. My husband said they apologized to him for the thing's they have said. I told him they don't owe him an apology they owe it to me. Let me say I don't believe they apologized, why because they are not the type to say this. I'm tired I love my husband, I'm not sure why he let's this continue, I don't call them nor do I talk to them I have told him go see them and he does about 2 or 3 time's a month. He also told me if it ever came to him having to choose them over me it would be them. I didn't know what to say but what did come out of my mouth was I have known that since the day I met you...( this was a lie I didn't know that). His daughter and her husband have told me they don't even like my husband. The only thing they want to know is what they are getting when he passes. My husband doesn't want to know anything that they have done or have said to me, but it feel's like to me that he keep's bringing them up all the time to me. They had wrote us an email saying they didn't like me. He wouldn't read it but I did and thought well how great that was because I don't like them either, They have gave me no reason to like them. I don't loose any sleep over it. I'm done trying to be nice to them. What's funny is standing back watching my husband kiss their ass, it's pathetic but also sad. I will never stoop to that. Thanks for letting me vent.

Some time's I feel if I had

Some time's I feel if I had been a step mother to them at a younger age maybe it would have been different. My own kid's don't treat me bad why should I have to put up with it from these adults. I also put the blame on my husband to me its just as much his fault as it is theirs. He will take something out of the fridge and say do you think this is still good . If I'm not sure he will call and ask his daughter.

Before he can reach for the

Before he can reach for the phone snatch the food item out of the fridge and toss it in the trash. Every time. End the discussion without her entering it.

That would drive me crazy and ^^^ is exactly what I would do. This is MY house. Not hers.

Snoopystep I hope all work's

Snoopystep

I hope all work's out for you. Trying to ignore them I've been trying to do this for along time.

I do love him Ybarra. He has

I do love him Ybarra.
He has been thru so much. I just don't want to be like his kid's . I know someone will say but what about the way he does you. I believe in marriage but It may come down to one day me leaving. I refuse to be treated like crap from them anymore. The next time they say something out of line to me he better say something or I will.

Love the quote "I don't hate

Love the quote "I don't hate your children. I'm just not excited about their existence."

Thanks for making me smile today

It's not ALL on the h. These

It's not ALL on the h. These are adults. They are responsible for their own damn behavior. DH can own the part where he's falling down as a partner. But these are damn freaking adults. They don't get to blame dad anymore. No excuses.

"Tell him you're doing it for

"Tell him you're doing it for him ... that you don't want him to have to choose you or his kids." Love it!!!!! Get away from this a$$. If he values his kids over you he is not worth staying with.

Geez..he sounds like a total

Geez..he sounds like a total loser as a husband. He'd choose them over you..his WIFE??? Goddamn..I'd be planning my exit stage left..

i am so sorry about

i am so sorry about this.

while it is tragic that his wife died, YOU are his wife now. his daughter is his confidante and its too close for comfort.

this is very common. he should be using you as his confidante.

he is treating his daughter like a wife and its not fair to you. and the daughter and husband should NEVER be allowed to treat you as anything less than the wife of their father.

agree with mariejeanne. you need to find someone who will treasure you and defend you from attacks from his needy children. the young woman has a husband. she need to let you have yours.

http://www.steptalk.org/node/164494

He sounds very insensitive.

He sounds very insensitive. His wife should come first before adult children! I'm so sick of skids! Continue use to stay away and just don't even engage in conversation about them. They're dead to you. If your DH wants to be used by them, let him. His problem.

...

BTW, I don't get these damn

BTW, I don't get these damn adult skids. My mother remarried when I was an adult. We didn't much care. We were happy for her. We did not own her when my father was alive and we did not own her when he was gone. Do not understand these skids.

ETA: I was YOUNG adult. 19 or 20. Siblings all in their 20s. We all had the same reaction.

I really appreciate all the

I really appreciate all the response's. I have got to the point where I don't even like them. I have put up with it out of respect for my husband, he love's them very much, I also understand this. I have never asked him to put me before his adult children nor would I ever. I have told him if they want to come here that is fine, but come here and have a good time and not make comment's that are rude and out of line. He need's to quit making excuse's for their bad behavior. He never want's to know what they say to me and if I try to tell him he get's upset. If they can say thing's to me, why cant they tell my husband what they said to me, that just make's me look bad I think in his eye's. I look at it if he want's to believe whatever they tell him so bid. I don't care anymore.

I really appreciate all the

I think Cat is spot on here.

I think Cat is spot on here. She has lived the life and offers the cold hard truth.

Thanks Cat.

This is his home he had it

This is his home he had it before I came along, I don't feel I have a say weather or not they come here to visit. Like I said before I have told him I don't have a problem them coming here , but to have fun. They come at time's when he is here for a few day's and he leave's for work after he leave's is when it will start. The time before last that they came they got here about 130 am I got up with my husband to greet them the first thing son in law asked me was what kind of car I'm driving, I said the same one. Husband didn't say anything or pretended he didn't here it. the last time they were here my husband purchased a 5th wheel he had them come up and pick it up to take it to there home, that's what he stays in when he goes there. My husband gave them money for gas for doing this and the son in law told me he didn't need the money because my husband does a lot for them. I fell he said this to try and upset me. I know my husband help's them a lot. one time there microwave stopped working they let it sit there tell he came back to there house so he purchased them a new one. I don't want them in my life and when they come here I will make sure to stay out of there way. I was in making dinner and I was cutting up some tomatoes his daughter walked in and said did you wash those I said yes. Told my husband about it and he said she didn't mean anything by it.it goes on and on.

"Did you wash those?" OMG.

"Did you wash those?" OMG. Answer: "All but the one that's going on your plate."

If you feel you can't ban them from the house grab DH's credit card and check yourself into a nice hotel every time they come. Tell him, "I just know it will make them so much happier if they don't have to deal with me."

No one can criticize that. DH will start turning them away when he realizes it will cost him a hotel bill and an empty bed. He'll figure out he can see them elsewhere and less often.

Beachmom, I think you know

Beachmom, I think you know that your’re never going to find peace in this marriage.
No matter how much you love this man, he will never step up to the mark and cherish you as you deserve. In your head you will invent all kinds of excuses for him …
‘He’s just trying to be a good Dad’
‘He’s stuck in the middle’
‘He’s a good man but he’s in an awkward position’
‘He doesn’t want to fall out with his kids’
My (late) DH was enmeshed with his daughter (I call her Daisy on here) from an early age.
I won’t list the numerous red flags during the whole of her teenage years (except the vision of her at 15 years old, as big and wide as him, walking along the street together holding hands, me straggling behind!) I was SO forgiving – and STUPID!
Let’s jump to once she married. It was to a weak man, and – not meaning to be unkind but who was not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, yet seemed to genuinely love her. She, at around 23 stone (322 LBS) was desperate to marry ANYBODY. Now, let me say that I always felt sorry her that she got into that state through her father giving her everything she ever asked for with absolutely no boundaries including disgusting amounts of chocolates and sweets. Looking back I see DH ruined her life before it had even begun.
So Daisy begins her sham of a marriage, but now that she is an adult, she sees DH as her true ‘husband’. Her own DH is there to be nothing more than a sperm donor.
So along come the grand-children. Whoopee! The ultimate weapons in her armoury for full domination of DH. And yet, he was a willing victim. They fed off each-other. She gave him praise and admiration, he gave her money, support and time. For me it was exactly like living with a man who had ‘another woman’, albeit without the sex (I think).
Examples:
She would constantly phone and text him – never use our landline because she did not want to speak to me.
She would find out on a daily basis when he had any free time and ask him to take her shopping or pop round to do jobs around her house, anything just to get him with her.
She encouraged DH to be a ‘father’ to her children i.e. take them to school, football matches, clubs etc, and delighted in the fact they were more excited to see DH than their own father. In fact, she and DH laughed in the face of Daisy’s husband about this.
He would discuss me and our marriage with her. She would do the same about her marriage.
They would exchange – by text – dirty jokes.
I don’t know how to relay the day to day misery of living with these dynamics without writing a book. The worst thing was the utter frustration that these two were successful in passing off any of my protestations as JEALOUSY of their ‘close’ father/daughter bond.
I did a lot of painstaking research in the latter years and discovered I was more than likely married to a narcissist. In fact I believe Daisy is one too. An impossible situation. I encourage the good ladies on here who suffer from ‘Disney Dad’ to google narcissist, because I believe men who disregard their wife’s happiness so blatantly must surely be affected.
My H has been dead for 2 ½ years now, but I am scarred for life. I still have to listen to his ‘public’ telling me what a wonderful man he was. I still have to face people who believe I was jealous of his daughter.
Beachmom, you cannot change this. All you can do is get out of it. It is the only way you will ever get any peace.