Frustrated with 17 yr old lazy sd
Last night my sd told her dad to go get her medicine and fix her a big cup of chocolate milk....with a straw. Didnt ask...she isnt sick or unable to walk. She just doesnt want to get out of the recliner. He got up and did it. This is every time she is over. I get so stressed and want to go somewhere. I talk to him about it and he does not really get it. He says he has always babied her because it's his little girl. I dont think its babying her as much as doing what she wants ...when she wants. He cant even sleep in on the weekends because he has to set his alarm to get up and take her meds to her in bed with a glass of milk. I think she is old enough to set her alarm a d get up. Last night he told her to set her alarm for her meds. She said "no...I dont lime the way the alarm sounds". Really? Does anyone? He told her to set it. So this morning, he gets up 30 minutes past her med time and she never got up...someone else always has to do this for her. She will be 18 this year. Am I being to hard? I think she needs to be independent because she isnt going to know what to do on her own....if she is ever on her own. As it looks now ahe has to ambition to do anything but lay around on her cell phone until 4am...sleep til 1pm...get on cell phone and expect daddy to jump
If he wants to insure that
If he wants to insure that his baby will fail to launch and be a helpless adult, unable to function in the real world and dependent upon him forever, then your husband should continue doing just what he's doing. Any chance his prima donna is capable of functioning at BM's house but puts on an act for Dadddeeeee?
She does the same with mom
She does the same with mom
Oh boy, you're going to have
Oh boy, you're going to have the failure to launch, then. Hopefully your husband is on board with not having any adult children living with you.
Yes. FAILURE TO LAUNCH!!! She
Yes. FAILURE TO LAUNCH!!! She has missed 2 of 4 days of school this week...again
Take her on a tour of the
Take her on a tour of the local homeless camp. I did this with SS. He was given clarity that we either went to HS graduation on the day it was scheduled or .... we dropped him off with his new neighbors. That scared the shit out of him. We followed it up a few weeks later with a third option. A one way long route discount bus ticket to SpermLand with a $20 bill. That pissed him off.
He let me know in no uncertain terms that he knew where his home was and who his true family was and he got the message after the homeless camp tour.
He ended up graduating on time and with honors. Though for a while we weren't sure we would get to that point.
I mean, what are the meds for
I mean, what are the meds for? Does she have a life-threatening illness or something that causes her to be seriously mentally impaired? Those would be the only excuses for him doing that. If she is mentally competent enough to, say, get a drivers license, she should do it herself.
These guilty dads are ridiculous though. My SO's 20-year-old daughter texted him while we were out and said "me and my friend are hungry, bring us some McDonalds so we don't starve!!!! (insert crying emoji.) She was living across town with her friend at the time. Like a 30-minute drive. This woman (yes, woman!) has a car and a job and is not in school. He compromised by letting her come home and get some cash.
ETA she wasn't starving, is constantly asking people to borrow 20 bucks which she then blows on restaurant food and weed.
This type of thing makes me lose a little bit of respect for him every time.
The meds are birth control.
The meds are birth control. And also she was diagnosed with epilepsy about 5 years ago so she has to take it at specific times. She isnt disabled and had been seizure free for almost a year. She has a learner's permit to drive if that tells you anything. I can understand my SO wanting to make sure she got up to take it....which is 9am. But she wont even try. She wont set an alarm because she doesnt like the way it sounds. So my SO ...and her brother or sister get the task of setting their alarms..getting up...fixing her a drjnk and taking it to her. She is fully capable of playing on her phone all night...driving...watching tv and youtube all night.
Oh, sweet Baby Jesus, what is
Oh, sweet Baby Jesus, what is wrong with these men?
My DH's love language is service, but geez, this is ridiculous.
No, you aren't being too hard
No, you aren't being too hard. She's 17, not 7. It's fine to do a favor for her now and then and grab her something if you are going to the kitchen, but waiting on her hand and foot is ridiculous.
Since BM does it too, prepare for her to still be in the recliner when she's 25.
If that happens..I am gone. I
If that happens..I am gone. I raised my 2 kids to be independent and self sufficient. They have done their own laundry since they were in the 5th grade. Cutting grass...cleaning..cooking...balancing checkbooks, etc
If taking the meds late would
If taking the meds late would cause her serious harm and she is unable rather than unwilling to take them herself that is the ONLY reason DH should be doing it. My guess is these mjeds aren't keeping her alive....Daddy just doesn't know how to say no ...
She is unwilling. Doesnt even
She is unwilling. Doesnt even attempt to set an alarm. She takes birth control and seizure meds every day at 9am...and 9pm. She is fully capable of driving, shopping online and playing on phone all night...but cant roll over and take her meds at 9am by herself
Um yep, there's no
Um yep, there's no overreaction there - I would be majorly peeved off with my DH if he did thiis. Perhaps a little bit of start taking responsibility for yourself or else you are going to get sick is in order!
Time for her to experience
Time for her to experience the consequences for not taking her jeds. If she does not take them and ends up a single teen mom or flopping around on the floor doing break dancing impressions she may just learn.
I was Dx'd as a Juvemile onset T-1 diabetic at 16. It did not take many head in a bucket ralfing my guts out with entire body aching nausea with my head pounding like it was being run over by a freight train, being so weak I could not take 5 steps without my legs collapsing under me sessions to learn to not skip taking my insulin.
Stubborn voluntary stupidity cannot be fixed by a parent catering to a teen.
If I were daddy in this scenario I would not tell her to take her meds. I would let her get nice and cosily sound asleep and then I would introduce her to the air horn. I would blast her out of bed after she was sound asleep. She might get PTSD from my parenting but she would not "forget" to take her meds and she would hunt me down to take them in front of me to avoid the horn.
Sweet, suck up to the 18yo, kiss ass daddy does not work. Air horn daddy may just get the point across.
smh
What meds does she take?
What meds does she take? Just curious.
That your pathetic non man ball-less wonder of a DH caters to an 18yo at all much less to this nauseating extent makes hiim a write off IMHO. This kid would be out on her ass if that was my house. And so would her pathetic sperm donor.
These type of men are so unattractive
His inability to actually parent in a way which will facilitate the growth of a fully functioning and contributing member of society is just enabling yet another entitled adult brat who will expect this kind of pandering forever. My DH was like this when I first met him and I told him how much of a turn off it was and how he was doing a disservice to his kids. And no he wonders why they turned out to be bums.....
OMG we have the same SD17 and
OMG we have the same SD17 and the same DH. Isn't it sickening? I know how you feel....and you are not being too hard.
Every single thing you listed....all of it is the same in my house.....but SD's "medicine" is her birth control pills.
And what is up with these idiot kids staying up until 4 am and sleeping all day? And why do people think that is a normal way to live? My SD12 wakes up on non-school days at 3 pm and I am not kidding.........3 PM. This is not normal..........
I don't really have any advice because I don't even know how to address it in my house.......I'd get the "whats the big deal" kind of response.....
SD17 woke up this weekend and came to the kitchen......DH was sitting in the living room....she opened the fridge and freezer...then proclaimed "daddy make me some waffles". So up DH gets.....to get FROZEN waffles from the freezer and place them in the already plugged in toaster....then cuts them up and pours her a drink while she sits there. I think my blood pressure was probably high enough for serious concern..............I hate it.
OP, your situation is one of
OP, your situation is one of the worst on this site IMO. I don't know why you choose to stay and put up with all the crazy.
Your H is just plain sick. He needs serious professional mental help.
Wow a little worse than what I have experienced
My sympathies for sure. Another example of an over functioning Bio. I spent a long time angry and resentful of my two SS but eventually realized the root cause was my wife allowing this and both of us not getting onto the same page then 3rd place is the lazy, ill functioning child.
If you love your partner and want to save the marriage then time to stop this like a brick wall. You and your spouse must get away and talk alone and extremely honestly. Agree upon boundaries and make no bones that if this continues it gives you the clear message your marriage is not worth it and thus may fail.
Snowflakes
This is exactly why we have so many snowflakes. With parents like this, these kids are going to morph into motionless blobs w/o arms or legs. I agree it is clearly creating a 'failure to launch' child that wil end up living at home and heaven forbid this girl get pregnant, espec if daddy doesn't get her up to take her birth control pill. My SD was/is a daddy's girl and it is very hard to witness. She's out of the house now and married with a baby BUT the strings are still there but it's not as bad as when she was living with us. You have my sympathies. From my experience you are not going to be able to stop this. It's hard to turn a blind eye too. I could feel my BP rise as I was reading you post.