General Disgust
So I spent Thanksgiving with DH large family of many siblings and their kids and grandkids. I shared with you all earlier that my DH and I felt like third wheels. For many reasons and many related to our divorces, we have many kids between us but are alone for the past year or so on the holidays. Not so bad.
I was not prepared for hearing one of my brother in laws use the n word at the dinner table. This after they had to say prayers. Lol. My DH was the only one to comment, saying too kindly that it was inappropriate. Then one of BIL sons says he agrees with his father. I said nothing. I'm still processing it days later. I must say that the son has always been very nice toward me.
And here I've been faulting DH's kids for not spending holidays with DH. Maybe they know more about DH's family? I don't know. One of friends is black and years before had shared how hurtful it was when she was crossing the street with her child in a push cart snd called that vile word from a passing motorist. I should have shared that.
I'm going to enjoy a quiet Christmas with one or two of my kids and DH. The world is pretty ugly these days and yes I need to avoid painting with broad brush.
I can't avoid seeing his extended family but boy I sure would like to.
Hugs
So grateful I was raised by a precious woman who respected all. I grew up in the Deep South and at age 62, can say I saw plenty of racism. BUT my sweet mom taught her children to love people based on actions, not skin color.
You are smart to stay away for Christmas. Let those nasty folks enjoy each other. You don't fit in. Hugs again.
A quiet Christmas does sound
A quiet Christmas does sound in order. I can't stomach the behavior you witnessed.
Quiet Christmas again
DIL just informed my daughter that the only time they are available for the three of us (my DH, myself and adult daughter who lives with us) to visit is the weekend after CHRISTMAS. That is only time they are free. Eye rolling. She and my son moved away about 3 yrs ago, 4 hr car ride. Her mother followed and bought a home in their same town this year. I have to add that several years in a row, DIL' mother and grandma were invited to our home for Christmas. My ex had them all for thanksgivings. He btw had to visit the weekend before thanksgiving as we have been informed basically that my son will now be spending all holidays at his MIL. AND the implication is that we all will not be invited. Very disappointing as their child is only a few months old and the implication is becoming clear to me that we are the extras. I have to say over the years I always always made sure my parents were not alone and even other relatives, including my DIL's mother. I feel like the holidays have just imploded for me. And yes the racist in laws would welcome me and my DH. Too much to take in. But no just me and DH. the new holidays for us.
My mother, widowed in her
My mother, widowed in her second marriage, was treated this way by my brother and his wife. Sister-in-law's family always came first, which was weird because her mother and stepfather were (and still are) demanding, intruding, using fools. My sister in law was totally brainwashed/indebted to her mother and my brother went along with it to keep the peace. Needless to say, there was tension between them and me back then.
In their case, which might be similar to what you're seeing, the mother-daughter relationship was so enmeshed that no one else had a chance. Mommy demanded. Daughter jumped. In our case, sister in law finally saw the light.
Sounds familiar.
I am planning a quiet lovely meal for Xmas eve and Christmas for TWO. Any recommendations? Im thinking of a small beef Wellington.
Tarte tatin for dessert.
Tarte tatin for dessert.
I should add
That I've sent 3 boxes of clothes and gifts for the baby but never got a thank you. I did text my son to ask if they received the first one and got a thanks you we loved it. But nothing since. I'm really dismayed.