since I've seen four of DH's 5 kids and 10 years for the other. Recently, I decided to "try" for a reunification, using info from years of counseling and boundary info I learned. DH chose to do it his way. First visit with son/wife was awkward. No changed behavior but they were respectful of me and my space. Think civil and superficial. The second visit...with the two daughters, one mini-wife and one with mental issues....was a disaster. No one comes into my home/yard and starts antagonizing me....they were told to leave. 

So...I am back to complete seperation and because of how DH handled things...I am done. I will not put myself in that position again. It took several years for me to heal from the damage I let them inflict on me for 12 years.....not going back to that. That encounter gave me a tiny setback but I will prevail and DHs kids can stay away from our home. Let me clarify ages of said "girls." 30 and 39. SMH

I didn't understand the degree to which I was affected by my step situation until I was on the other side and started to recover. Physically, emotionally, spiritually - I'd been worn down by Other People's Problems. I was nervous and jumpy, perpetually on high alert. It took a long time to calm down and feel safe again after I cut contact with DH's people, and longer still to rebuild my self esteem.

Another sad result was how little I expected from people - I remember offering to be the driver on a trip with some new friends. They asked how much they owed for gas! Whipped out their phones to calculate it, and put cash in the glove box! And when we stopped for lunch, they paid their share! When I talked about it with my therapist, she said pointed out they just wanted my company, not my wallet, and that's what healthy relationships look like.

I am SO much stronger and healthier now.

Crazy but sometimes we don't fully understand how toxic people are until we cut them out of our lives.