He just showed up.
So at 9 am husband shows up w/ cheap flowers 4.99. Lol. No phone call, asking or saying he wanted to talk. Would that be ok?
Yes he left his house at 7 am, but I found it disrespectful and out of touch. I did not want to see him or get into a discussion.
I refused to go out to breakfast. I refused to just go back. I told him his house is his security blanket and it is an albatross to our marriage. He says he is always here when it matters. That is not my definition of marriage. You are there every day. I told him that him saying his daughter doesn't want the house sold, but he would do it, is an indication that she has become his confidant. He has the phone calls, why does he need me?
I told him how lonely life has become for me. I am married to someone who won't finish their house so they don't have to sell it in order to live with me, their wife. I believe that statement totally. He said I can't speak for him.
I think that is why I am depressed, not that the depression is making the marriage worse. I feel rejected. I feel lonely. And I have reached the point that I do not want to be with him. I prefer when he is not here and I can sit and read a book.
He says I have checked out. I give nothing back and maybe that is true. I am at a place in my life where I gave spent 9 years going back and forth. Between two states.
I finally told him we need to do soul searching. He says he has and he wants to get on track and will sell both houses in 6 months. I was silent. Too much water under the bridge right now.
He left after 3 hrs. Taking his ladder with him. Nothing remaining here.
Are you depressed because the
Are you depressed because the end of your marriage seemed inevitable? Or are you depressed because you were expecting more out of DH during his visit? six months is a long time to sit in limbo, waiting for him finish his house. Then he has to make up his mind to sell his house. Plus, he is still using SD as his mini-wife. Did you two discuss her part in your future?
I did not want him to ambush
I did not want him to ambush me this morning. He left on bad terms. I think I have been depressed because I am in a marriage where we are both not really committed. Because I spend so much time alone and I feel like I am in limbo.
He obviously likes the little time we spend. Two nights from mon to Friday and then sat night until early Monday morning.
What happens in a few years when one or both of us can't drive 2-3 hrs at a time. And I want this man as my next of kin?
He says he has every right to
He says he has every right to discuss anything with his daughter. He doesn't see it as a problem. I do. Why do I want this man as my next of kin going forward into my old age?
I think it is time to call a
I think it is time to call a realtor for both houses and put him on a burning platform to shit or get off of the pot so to speak.
You are getting into a good place for moving forward for you. He can either engage or be left behind.
Take care of you.
Yes you are right. I am stuck
Yes you are right. I am stuck in limbo. Married to a man that won't really live with me. How would that make you feel, day in and day out? Do you live with your husband?
He is not the one wanting to spend more time WITH ME. Isn't that a huge red flag? We are spending less time together. It is harder and harder to make conversation. I resent it.
Sometimes being alone is preferable to feeling rejected.
in a marriage, someone needs
in a marriage, someone needs to be first--and that is the wife. too many husbands put their children over their second wives and that is how the problems start.
i think in time you will sort this out and decide your next move.
hugss to you.
NMP - so what if you checked
NMP - so what if you checked out, I would've as well cause you are simply there, he's not talking to you, he prefers talking to his daughter about things he should be talking to with his wife...
Yes it's sad that it came to this, but you are a good woman, you deserve more in life, and belief me there's so much more to life then sitting around waiting for some attention from your husband.
Stay strong Hon, you are on the right track
I feel for you. When my
I feel for you. When my husband and I first married we lived in different states. I owned my own home and had a very well paying job. I had to make a choice. I left my job, which was scary in itself. Moved to his state, it was a 3+ hour drive each way. I did not sell my home and left my 19yr old son in it. Since he was not the most responsible adult, we had to check on my home at least every other week or weekly. It became so tiring, sometimes I did not know where I was waking up. Also, I was so lonely in his state I did not know anyone and my days were so lonely. He was working so his life did not change. Finally, I convinced him to move to my state it only took 3yrs. I could not imagine living that life for 9yrs.