You know, in healthy families s-grandkids thrive in an atmosphere of everyone's love. My SIL has two grown skids who are in their 40s and 50s. Her SS's kids ADORE her. They do not call her granma, use a different name, but they love her more than their bio-grandfather ( her husband) and grandmother. Why? because she is very hands-on: she plays with them, does things with them they enjoy, takes them places, goes to their events. She is fun and games - but that is possible in a family where no one plays head games. She is pretty much disengaged from her SD after 20 years of attempts to get closer to her, but has a very warm relationship with her SS ans SDIL. They love her.

So if her SS and SDIL were to divorce, she would still be in the s-g-kids' lives. She values that relationship and her role is valued in the family. It is a win-win.

Makes me jealous. I cannot imagine anything like this with my skids.