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I didn't take the bait

Newimprvmodel's picture

Submitted by Newimprvmodel on Sat, 09/03/2016 - 8:27pm

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Adult Stepchildren

So unfortunately I had to attend a college football game with my in laws. My FIL, whom I despise, tried to provoke me within 3 minutes of seeing me! Remember I posted about the love letter birthday card my dh received from his adult daughter? (Haven't seen her in 6 years). Well he had to say to me in front of everyone, "oh, I saw the lovely birthday card that blah blah sent to A." Silence all around. I wanted to say plenty, but kept my mouth shut. What a piece of work. I spent the rest of the afternoon wishing I were a thousand miles away. And of course dh was sneaking out later to get pizza to call his daughter, Er besotted girlfriend.
What a shit show. But I am keeping my distance and sanity.
Disengaged.
And yes two lovely glasses of wine helped.

sammigirl's picture

Submitted by sammigirl on Sat, 09/03/2016 - 9:37pm

GOOD FOR YOU. I know keeping quiet is very, very difficult in a situation like this. You are a bigger, better person for what you did.

If words are exchanged, they can never be reversed. I'm guessing your DH showed FIL the card??? I would have acted like you didn't know anything about it and just shrugged your shoulders with a smile and an eye roll. }:)

Don't let them know it infuriates you; I understand. My DH can't go a week without "gaslighting" me over SD56 (lives just up the street). I just look at him, like "what?", roll my eyes and act like "who cares". I refuse to acknowledge her or their "sweet" relationship. My DH is like a child when it comes to "reverse phycology; I use it all the time, to keep it all under control, because I have a short fuse, when it comes to my SD.

I sleep with my DH every night (love it) and I don't give a hoot what his "princess" thinks of me or says about me. I dare SD56 to come around me or say one word to me, ever!

Also disengaged (7 years)
and yes two lovely glasses of wine take the edge off; it's good for your heart too!
Keep up the good work.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Mon, 09/05/2016 - 5:54pm

if dh ever goes on about how wonderful his skids are i am quick to point out the truth: trouble with the law, getting booted out of the law, drug abuse. he shuts his mouth.

Miss T's picture

Submitted by Miss T on Sat, 09/03/2016 - 10:34pm

Good on ya!

My motto: Never miss a good opportunity to keep your mouth shut.

It rarely fails me.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Submitted by CANYOUHELP on Sun, 09/04/2016 - 7:32am

I try to ignore anything related to skids, if you try hard eventually you form a healthy habit (given your situation). These kinds of people have a goal-- they are hoping for a response from you. Show no emotion, nothing, ask about nothing, say nothing, no facial expression, nothing, just as stated by Sammi. Sounds like you are trying, it is not easy to sit there invisible.

I finally realized I could not put myself back in this situation after many years of trying, so being around them is no longer my problem. HE can deal with the rude comments, he has allowed them to speak this way for years. You will know when you have had your limit of the mess. Even ignoring and saying nothing was never enough to stop them, in my case, that is.

Put the problem solving back on who is responsible for it.

CANYOUHELP's picture

Submitted by CANYOUHELP on Sun, 09/04/2016 - 10:03am

Agreed with Heavenlike....Protect your own mental/emotional health.

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Mon, 09/05/2016 - 5:51pm

i have the same situation with an enmeshed sd and toxic in laws. i stand back and watch everything implode. i dont have to do a time and let the karma bus run everyone over one by one.