I don't know what is considered normal when it comes to greeting cards
My husband and I have been married 10 years. He has a 38 year old daughter who lives across the country. She's lovely, polite, has a terrific career. She comes to visit 2x a year and seeks to have 'alone daddy-daughter bonding time' and will make reference to it in emails prior to her visit. I think it's another way of saying I want to spend some alone time with my father and I don't want you around. That doesn't really bother me as it used to because, well, I live with him and I see him all the time, so I get it that she doesn't see him all that often and would like her own time with him. It's the way she goes about it.
When she sends Christmas, Easter or Thanksgiving cards. She sends one to 'daddy' in a separate envelope and sends one to me in another envelope. When we send birthday, Christmas, Easter, etc. cards to her, it is usually picked out by my husband and will say something like .... to my daughter and he always includes me when he signs the cards and encourages me to write a note if I want. This has been going on for all these years and I find it odd that she separates the two of us.
Is this odd?
Would you address it? If so,
Would you address it? If so, now?
My husband would have nipped
My husband would have nipped this in the bud from the get go. I don't have worry about, though, as my SD cannot be bothered to get us cards.
I would let the card thing
I would let the card thing go. IMo, If you let her know you feel like an outsider when she does this it will probably just get worse for you.
Thank you all - I just didn't
Thank you all - I just didn't know if I was seeing this the right way. I have talked about this periodically with my husband (twice a year that these cards come LOL) and he's in agreement with me - he finds it odd as well, but I don't think he's ever addressed it with her and I don't know if he would. I wouldn't bring it up to her. She feels awkward around me or something .... I can't figure it out. Yet she wants my opinion and what do I think about the love of her life (sigh).
The youngest daughter (she's 28) and I get along very well and we're fairly close, but she's also around us a fair bit so she's comfortable and so am I. She will often come to me and ask my advice, or just to spend time together, we go to movies and out for supper.
The difference between the two are polar opposite.
WOW!!! Did she take
WOW!!! Did she take everything, and does she still keep in touch? I have wondered what will happen with myn relationship with my SDs if DH passed away.
You're making me laugh.
You're making me laugh. Cheezy yes! Always her cards are cheezy. I agree - it's poor etiquette and no tact. In a word - unhealthy regard. She looks to her dad in a different way - it's like adoration, yet she's unsure of boundaries. She did start psychotherapy ... don't know if she's still going. But at first hated and was uncomfortable because the psychologist was pressing the buttons that ticked her off -some truth didn't want to hear?
Whoa- that would be a
Whoa- that would be a thread...
If DH passed away before me, I can guarantee zero relationship with SD. (probably only see her if she happened to be with DH's family for some reason) Have no interest. Her sack of shit BM will try to get money and we have made it airtight against her.
The golden eggs will send
The golden eggs will send cards addressed to both of us BUT there's always a personal note inside of "hoping to see you there DAD!"
Disengaged - don't go!
You're being treated like my
You're being treated like my parents would have if someone was shacking up together. Pretending she doesn't exist. But that was 60 years ago and the country had morals.
Keep dong what you're doing and keep your attitude. It's not worth doing anything else and would only start a unnecessary war. One of the replies above was right when he dies all hell could break loose. Maybe not but its certainly possible.
Make sure that you have all your ducks in order. He should have given her all of her mothers jewelry if he gave any to you give it back. Jointly held property such as a house or car should be held in a trust so the survivor can live in it until they die then split between your children.
The best time for Daddy to tell her what artifacts around the house the two of you agree she should get would be on her next visit. She can take them with her or they can be shipped. Same for your kids. She needs to be sure of her inheritance and what isn't hers and that should be out of Daddies mouth not yours.
That's sad. I asked DH to
That's sad. I asked DH to give SD anything he wanted to leave to her BEFORE he dies. Could you do that with your Dad?
SA- thanks for sticking
SA- thanks for sticking around... your wise advice and first hand experiences has helped and given strength to MANY of us.
I think it's not only odd but
I think it's not only odd but rude! I could chuckle if she was a pre teen being nasty but this is a grown, successful woman. GROW UP! I read some but not all of the responses so I apologize if this has been asked but what does you husband think of this?
I say you should see it as a
I say you should see it as a compliment, a recognition that she feels she has an actual relationship with you no matter if you think she's deluded about that. My skids (now young adults) never thanked me or acknowledged when I gave them separate presents from their Dad's at Christmas and birthday, so I stopped. I used to get my bios to do them presents all the time simply to foster a sibling bond, but again I stopped that too when I saw there was no reciprocation. Now one of my skids is a lovely girl whom I have always been fond of, and she has started now she is a young adult, and out of the orbit of the BM and her upbringing, to give the bios birthday presents, and once recently even gave me a little book when she found out it was my birthday -- or was it out of the blue, I can't remember. Anyway point was, an individual gift to you and not the couple of you acknowledges you exist in their lives, and a separate gift acknowledges that they respect you separately from their dad. Same goes for a card in my view. If she wanted to ignore or diss you, she would simply address her cards to dad and mention no-one else. That is what my two unpleasant skids would do. So, whether it be true or not, put the most positive interpretation on it and it will then give you pleasure. Hard to come by that in our families!