I don't know why I still find myself feeling so ungiving.

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Ok, I haven't posted in a while. Things with my younger steps having been going relatively well. Also, I have been busy. I am now a legal assistant in a family law firm. The irony is not lost on me about that.

Anyway, the other day my husband asked/informed me that he needed to switch cars with me so he could take his adult stepdaughter and her boyfriend to a baseball game. I NEVER drive his truck for any reason. It makes me nervous to drive the truck.

Anyway, this is the same adult SD who has been horrendous to me. I am not allowed in her house or to interact with her baby for any reason, for no other reason than she doesn't like me. Yet, I am expected to do what I feel is risky driving for her convenience.

I realize this is small potatoes compared to what I see in my day to day job. I mean really, this is nothing, yet I can't quite seem to lick the resentment.
I feel like saying if she wants a ride in my car she can call me up and ask me herself, otherwise, screw em. All this would turn into is; oh that mean Susanna wouldn't let Dad use the small car. Really, both cars belong to me and my husband and while SD isn't the least bit nice to me, HB is very generous so I know how petty this seems if I raise the issue anymore than I already have with husband.

I can't explain this anywhere else though without sounding like the wicked witch of the west so I guess I just needed to put it out there.

Thanks for reading/listening muchly.

// Susanna

I understand

Hi Susanna, your post really resonates with me.. WHy should you be inconvenienced by someone who has been nothing but nasty to you... I mean, its ridiculous.. we as the steps are just supposed to shut up and smile, while these ss and sd take advantage, and pull carp left and right!! the when weve had enough, and want to pull away and not do nice things fot these ungrateful little s**ts, we are the bad guy?? Man, when does it ever end?? hang in there....:)

Fudge it a little?

I know this may sound petty, but sometimes the only way I can find sanity is to make something up. My adult SD (21)who has hated me for 13 years, asked DH to borrowed my cell phone for a few months bcuz she couldn't pay her phone bill. DH thought it would be ok bcuz I use my work cell and the other never gets used. If she were aappreciative and nice to me, I'd have no issue with it. She neber says "thank you" to me for antyhing I've done. So instead of make a big stink to DH that I didn't want to lend it to her, I said my work phone was not working right (and this was somehwhat true...)and I needed to carry the other phone as a back up to reach customers. Can you fudge things a little here and say you need it to take your friends to blah, blah, blah? Can you get creative and say "you wish you could but I had plans to ? Just an idea...hang in there. I know what you're going through.

I understand, too.

I had to give up my nice little car - which worked great for me and my child - when I married a man with three children. Next thing I knew, I'm driving a huge honkin' Suburban. Couldn't fit them all in anything smaller. It sucks. It does. Frankly, I think your husband should be another one of those we nominate for the Annual StepTalk Butthead-of-a-Husband-Just-Doesn't-Get-It Award.

~ Anne ~

"Love, having no geography, knows no boundaries."
(Truman Capote)

I disagree

I find often (nearly every time) that avoiding being straight and direct gets me in more trouble. This is SUCH an obvious lie (the cell phone not working, the car is not big enough, the dog ate my homework, whatever...).
Just say I am upset with the way I am treated, and I would prefer not to share my car, and I need your support and understanding in this situation (that is to your husband). Or even better - don't mention how you are treated. Just say: I am not comfortable sharing my car, it is my car, I love it and I don't want to share it. Be gentle but firm, and very clear. THis is only going to work if this is indeed YOUR car, and you love it for real. My husband and I share one car, so it would not even cross my mind to feel anything about SD using with "Daddy"; but a number of other intrusions on my personal space (key word: personal)tick me off~

Your SD acts as if she prefers you did not exist. If you did not exist, your car would be not an option. So there. You don't exist, no car, come up with another solution.
Or else get over it, be the "mature person" (words my husband uses when he tries to manipulate me into doing something to please his adult kids against my wishes), share your car. What makes you mad is how she treats you, her using your car will keep you mad, since nothing will change.

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