I met her...
Dh and I were doing some out of town (where she lives) shopping and stopped to get a bite to eat. Who do we run into but dh's "sd" who is with some people incuding one sibling. Sibling was an absolute doll. Dh introduced me and I said hello. We go and eat and before "sd" and her group leave they come where we are to say goodbye. "Sd" tells me "nice to meet you" (not sounding sincere in the least, she didn't smile or anything). I said you too and fake smiled (maybe I shouldn't have fake smiled, I should've nodded?) When we get back in the car dh declares they're "his daughters" out of the blue. I said the one was a doll but not so much "sd." And mentioned how she made the judgy comments about my teenager moving in with his grandparents but yet she gave up a toddler after letting him get attached to her when she knew she wasn't prepared for motherhood when she was pregnant. I reminded dh that THAT is when she should've made the choice becuase it wasn't fair to her kid. My youngest (dh agreed) said that kids dont have permanent memories that young and he probably forgot about her. I said whether that's true or not he was still heartbroken to have mom suddenly abandon him. And she has no business being miss judgy considering the circumstances. Dh said she's immature (that's putting it mildly).
My questions....how should I handle future encounters (hope there aren't any). Is there any point in which I should mention any of her BS to her? Idk whether this encounter will spark future pushyness from her or not. She never did bring that stupid dining room table she was going on and on about by, thank God.
You have to cut her some slack
BF left her, your SO was with her for five years and left her. Was in forster care? She is looking for some sort of “ family” You treat her as a friend, nice to see you, want something to eat. Not saying I would go on vacation with her. She did not do anything to you, except being in your SO life at sine point.
Unfortunately she a reminder of your DH past relationship. If you can not handle it then cut her off as much as possible. There is nothing saids you have to be friends with her. People deal with EX relationships differently. There is no right way.
If you'd read my posts, she
If you'd read my posts, she DID. Trying to live with us with a baby counts (especially when all she would've had to do is dial 7 digits and make an appointment). So does stalking me on fb, messaging me and trying to friend me when she'd never met me. So does tryng to leave a 1 month old with me overnight. So does trying to dump a kitchen table on me when even dh was trying to tell her no.
Why would I treat someone as a friend who isn't one? I'm trying to figure out the best way to disengage.
Criticizing his kids will get
Criticizing his kids will get you nowhere. Calling her out on her own BS is also a disaster waiting to happen. If she doesn’t affect your life otherwise, don’t invite her into it
Smile, nod, change the subject.
Nowhere? That's why he
Nowhere? That's why he acknowledged she's immature? She isn't his kid. There is a reason "sd" is in quotation marks. Read the other posts.
And yet, he refers to both
And yet, he refers to both girls as “daughter.” My opinion doesn’t change.
Your opinion doesn't change,
Your opinion doesn't change, huh? Well goody for you-I honesly couldn't care less. I've read a little of your blogs and you don't seem to hold the opinion that just because as you say, your dh worships his daughter malkes him automatically correct. By the same token, just because he sees "sd" as a daughter doesn't mean she truly is in any significant sense of the word. The girl can't possibly have that many memories from the age of 5 when he was actively involved after all.
So what disaster are you referencing from your original reply?
It helps if you summarize
It helps if you summarize significant stuff in each blog just briefly, as people aren't going to go back and read old blogs, generally. I don't personally remember people's stories unless they are really out there.
So, I don't know anything except what you've put in here, which is that she is DH's former stepdaughter (I think) and she hasn't been very nice to you (I think).
I personally would just be civil and distant to her, I would not ever confront her on anything, unless she does it again.
It's under posts, not blogs.
It's under posts, not blogs. Basically she's dh's "sd" from a former gf, they broke up when she was 5 and she recontacted him at 15. Got pregnant at 18, waffled on giving the kid up for adoption. Kept kid, wanted us to keep him overnight at 1 month old, and when kid was a young toddler didn't make an appt she was told to and lost housing. Wanted to stay with us. Dh said no and threw me under the bus as the reason. She tried to message/friend me on fb. Gave kid up some months after trying to stay with us, then makes judgy comments to dh about how she "can't believe" we let a 16 yo go live with his grandparents. All this makes me not want to get to know her.
Most of us get it
It is not uncommon for DHs to throw us under the bus because it is just easier for them - and they value their comfort more than their marriage. On the other hand, when they are afraid to support us, and we have to take matters into our hands there should be no objections from them. I do remember your earlier posts but don't recall the reason your child went to live with his GP. Whatever the reason, it's none of SD's business, especially if she doesn't know the details. She has no right to bad mouth you at all. Then the phony B.S., "Nice to meet you". You don't want to know her and I can't blame you.
I didn't say the reason he
I didn't say the reason he went to live with his grandparents. Thanks for the support. I agree it's none of her business. Maybe if she'd spend more time handling herself like a big girl instead of trying to nose into our business, she'd be better off.