hi I am new to this site. My husband and I have been married a third time. I got addicted to a drug that almost ruined my life and I am in recovery. My husband and I know what caused our marital problems, one even being me having an affair. we are reunited and very happy now. we are in therapy. my stepson lost his mother from cancer several months before we got married the first time 12 yrs ago and he was not happy when we married, nor was my husband's family saying I was not good enough for him. I am a registered nurse and he is a retired schoolteacher. there is 19 yrs age difference between us. we remarried a second time, in 2003 and I was suffering from this drug I was addicted, Klonipin, like to have ruined my life. I became so miserable due to the problems in our marriage, living with his grown son who is 28 yrs old, and drug addiction, I had an affair in 2007 which ended in divorce again in 2010. we remarried in october 2010. before we remarried a third time, my stepson and his wife had been coming over frequently, my husband was spending time with his grandchild and had established a relationship with him he is 6. my husband said his son was really abusing his time, and just coming over getting on his computer while he took care of the grandchild, not really showing any interest in his life

when I came back, he got so angry, emailed me told me I was mentally ill and to leave. he told me his wife said I was unsafe for their children to be around, and she said I was a witch. This woman is actually mentally ill herself and her child is disabled. I am not a witch but I am wiccan, which is nothing about devil worship or anything it is just a nature based pagan religion. since this time, he has refused to come visit my husband, let his grandchildren come over to our home, and denied his oldest child the relationship they had before I came back. He would for a while let my husband go out to eat with him and the children, but that is all. they have a new baby and he has only seen the child once in 1 yr. I have tried to apologize, told him that I am in recovery, and we are so happy now. He told my husband he needs to see a psychiatrist. they live in a filthy home, snakes and mice get in, the yard hardly gets mowed, and it is cluttered with trash, and tractor parts and old tractors which he collects and sells sometimes she does not work, wears black all the time, obese, and does not cook or clean her home and will not let anyone in the home not even her own parents. they also are hoarders, the house is so full I am supprised they can walk thru it. we feel that the children are victims of neglect on a psychological level.

this stepson has told me in our second marriage " that he was here first " and indicated he is entitled and seems to be jealous of our relationship. he is an only child, spoiled. my husband says he does treat me better than his first wife and that she had some kind of mental condition altho fully functional. I know I said I would never marry a man that had children to avoid all this, and I never would have believed a child could punish there father by withholding his grandchildren from him. I have asked him does he think we are crazy does he hate me or what? he wont talk to me. my husband has told him how unhappy he is with his behavior and now he barely talks to his father. he is completely emeshed with his wife and her parents. Her parents to him are ok and her mother has mental problems too. I also told him I am a RN I have worked with all kinds of patients including caring for small children in critical care. we treat our pets better that they treat there own children. He is very self centered and if things don't go like he wants, he loses it. I am young attractive and many people say I look better than his wife. it is almost like sibling rivavlry. anyway, I feel like I have made a mess of the whole thing and I am having problems coping. I feel like I am keeping my husband from his grandchildren, he loves them but he says he can live with it and our lives are more important. it hurts me now being sober, esp after what i did to him to see his own son treat him so badly. many times I say to myself I should leave, so my husband could be happy with them. but my husband is angry and he says if I ever left him he would never forgive his son and he would move to another state and never see him again.

I was very physically ill on the drug over time, and by 20007 got involved with more drugs, and the affair and I like to died. I was irrational and I was indeed temporarily mentally ill during this time, and I understand why the stepson would be angry about me hurting his dad. I am shocked now in recovery it all happened. But we feel that we are finally getting our relationship problems worked out and we are happy together and working hard on our marriage. but the guilt of this situation is eating me up inside.