Labor to be induced next week for OSD
OSD lives about 3 hours away. Expecting 3rd child. Things are a little complicated.
We have been very good to all our children. My kids love dh and really hate the way his kids treat him and also how they have treated me.
When osd was expecting 1st child we gave her a party, we were there when the baby was born along with all the other family members, bm, skids, in-laws, etc. We spent a lot of time with baby and very attached. osd then became pregnant again when 1st baby was a year old. During this time MSD is also pregnant & I was invited to baby shower at bm's. I didn't want to go to bm's but was persuaded by DH. Surprisingly it went well at the shower. I had expected pot shots to be taken at me but everyone was kind. Walk away from baby shower straight into estrangement. No good deed goes unpunished. Now back to osd. So osd is expecting 2nd child and out of the blue we are estranged for about a year and a half. Attempts by dh to contact osd were ignored. We did not see 2nd child till he was a year old. osd contacted her dad. She never apologized but wanted a relationship.
Fast forward to present time. My dh & myself would love to go to the hospital and be there for baby #3 but we do not want to subject ourselves to all the (what I now call) haters. The bm, the msd & her spouse which we have now been estranged for 5 years & they now have two kids (we have never seen).
osd knows we do not want to run into the haters. Osd calls last nite to update us and it appears she wants us to come. My dh tells me he does not want to run into msd and bm and put up with their nonsense but that now he is concerned no one will be there and he feels torn as he does not want to run into the haters but will feel bad if no one is there. My dh's side of the family live 3 or more hours away & bm lives a couple hours away. the in-laws live close and I believe they will be there & I also think that if bm & msd were not planning on going they would go the instant they discovered we would be going. Of course they would not be told by us but the way they work they would grill osd. I say we stay home, call and check in and after the dust settles we go and see our new grandson who by the way is being named after my dh. That in itself is a miracle to me.
Your advise appreciated. I thank you in advance for sharing.
I say go ~ rise above. Don't
I say go ~ rise above. Don't let the haters get to you. Haters are gonna hater regardless if you are there or not. Be civil n ignore of necessary.
Would rather be remembered got not going ~ OR for going. OSD wants you there ~ isn't it her child being born.
We all realize we can't please everyone all the time ~ but we do take special moment for building memories. This is one of them ~ if it doesn't work out like you want. At least they can't say you didn't show up.
Good Luck & Congrats
Go. Look radiant and you an
Go. Look radiant and you an DH make it clear that you are happy together and that the cockroaches in the opposition can fuck off. These idiots invariably will be like cockroaches in a dark room that scurry for dark corners when the light is thrown on. Be the light.
They will scurry for their dark toxic corner.
Very Well Said Stepaside. I
Very Well Said Stepaside. I agree with you . We can fight back to if we are attacked . It also makes them think twice before they want to start trouble
Beautiful baby boy born. We
Beautiful baby boy born. We went and bm was there. Everything went very nice. Everyone on their best behavior. Thanks for the advise and glad we went.
Congratulations on your new
Congratulations on your new grand baby.
This would be hard, I feel
This would be hard, I feel your pain, I have been there. Can you feel comfortable to try to rebuild this relationship and be there for SD or is this beyond repair in your thoughts? If you feel you can go, I would as this is a chance, however go with no expectations. be there as support but keep your safe distance emotionally.
My SS's wife pulled some stuff on us. Thru counseling I think it came from hateful things she was told by SS, his brother and their BM. I tried but it was strained. There had been many issues with SS that had not been properly addressed by his dad (husband) and I think SS thought he had a right to gripe to his dad about me. I had told husband I would give his son one last chance but after 20+ years of knowing this child I predicted what would happen and it did. She got upset with me for not being there when baby was born but we had no due date and were not called. I had asked. She was very hateful and SS chimed right in. We got several hateful emails from SS. I stopped reading them and I backed off completely. There was never an apology and I have no doubt we were bad mouthed to anyone that would listen. I did get to see the child once, I was careful, tried to ignore what had happened and tried to be pleasant and supportive. She acted like nothing had happened. I thought maybe it was just hormones and tried to forgive and move on. Then another blow came over the little girls' first b.day which she had asked me to help with. BM was coming in which I didn't know so they decided to change days so that SS's mom could be a part of this. I explained to SS's wife that we'd be glad to come and celebrate the little girl's birthday on _____date as we'd be in the area, told her we didn't have to make it big, didn't want to go out of their way for us but that is was not a good idea for me and BM to be together as we have never got along. I honestly did try but the lady was very hateful and vindictive, told the boys lies (none of which was mentioned). Wrong thing to say and well, again the attacks came on how we were terrible parents and that we would never know the little girl as our grandchild, that they never wanted to see us again. This was 5 years ago. I have made no more contact, I have not seen the girls since. I left it all up to husband to deal with, I think he saw his son once. If they were to act like they wanted us back in their lives I think I would stay away myself and let husband deal with it all himself.