Letter to Dad from 26 year Old SD

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This letter was written six years ago by SD at age 26. She was 18 when her dad and I married after seven years of being in an exclusive relationship. SD had no issue with me in his life as a girlfriend. She ghosted her dad after berating him over the phone after hearing (in a bad way) that we had married. He did not see or speak to D for three years. SD did start to visit and talk with dad, but was cold, rude, manipulative toward him and downright hateful to me. DH was grateful for any crumb and let the dynamic persist. SD stole from us, killed my cat, and was nothing but unpleasant at any encounter. SD tells her dad she was 18 and immature when she wrote the letter, but email records the time and date--she was 26. I learned about the letter when she sent me email telling me to make sure tht her dad checked his email...Marianne is my cat's name--the one her pit bull killed.

"I am writing you this because I don’t know how to talk about it with you. Let me start by saying I love you so much and I remember fondly the days growing up in ……. They were the best days of my life. I would love to build a second house on your property for our family. Thanks to you I have a degree in sustainability and I would love to sustainably develop another piece of our property in to a home for me and any future for our family in F…….. I have lots of ideas for sustainable and affordable housing, and it would be a dream come true to build a home on your property.

I have been unable to come see you or even speak to you on the phone because of Marianne. In the past I have tried to communicate my distain for her but nothing changes and things in fact continue to get worse.

Things between us have never been the same since you married her. Y’all getting married was actually the first disrespect I ever experienced from her and it has never stopped since that time. You and her never even told me you were thinking of getting married. I had to hear that you guys had been married from M’s mom at the neighbor’s Christmas party. M’s mom just came and asked me what I thought about you guys getting married. Well I had no idea that had even happened. I find that beyond disrespectful to marry someones father and not discuses it with their child. From there the disrespect continued. She trashed your house. Got rid of things I had since childhood. Things like your amazing book collection that I would have loved to one day inherit and read the same books my father gained his knowledge and love from. I am crying as I type this because these things still hurt me so bad. and yes I realize these are just things. Things mean nothing compared to someones life but to me they shaped my home and my existence. I have never felt welcomed in the house that I grew up in since she moved in. Do you realize how different things could have been dad? I would live in that house with you, but no way could I live with M. You don’t even ask me to house sit anymore when you leave town and I know it is all because of M. I would come see you every single weekend if she wasn’t there. I can’t stand to see the way she has changed the home I grew up in to some trophy house. I could care less how much some new piece of furniture cost or what priceless antique is sitting on the table. But now when I come to see you that is all I see and thats all she can talk about. It is such a materialistic way to live and I hate it. That is not how you raised me and that is not how YOU lived before you married her.

This is why it has been so difficult for me to move forward and talk to you about things. I don’t want to live near M because she causes me crippling anxiety. After every visit I have with you where she is present I leave and cry. I cry because her continued disrespect to you, to your home, to your property, and to me breaks my heart. I am sorry I have to tell you this and I am not trying to hurt you but it is truly how I feel and it is why I don’t come see you and it is why it is hard for me to call you. Dad I love you SO SO much and I miss you SO much but I can not be around her for my own mental health. Things would have been so different if you had ever considered me when you married her. I guess I don’t have a proposed solution to the problem either. I wish every day that I could just go see my dad and not have to worry about what I might find and how bad I might feel when I get there. I love seeing you I love spending time with you but it hurts me so bad to be around M and the disrespect and mis-trust that she has brought to your home. I really am not trying to hurt you or be mean to you or M, I just must tell you how I feel. I have been struggling with terrible anxiety ever since the night you guys were in town because I so badly want to live in ……. and be near you but I can not be near M.

Please know I love you and I miss my dad so very much. And please know I am eternally grateful for everything you have ever done for me.

Your Daughter

She needs to get over herself

She needs to get over herself.

When your parent remarries, it's perfectly normal to redecorate, change things around, etc. It isn't expected that the family home remain a shrine to an adult child who has now flown the nest. As for expecting you to ask for her permission to marry her father ... she's off her rocker. Her dad doesn't need her input on his private affairs and your marriage only concerns you and your husband.

What a whiney POS she is.

Approximately 58 uses of the

Approximately 58 uses of the word I. That says it all right there. I didn't count the word me but it's more than once.

Yes - THIS!

The word "I" is what also stood out to me. Also to think that her father needs to talk to her before marrying you? Wow, this girl is self-centered! Never once does she consider what makes her dad happy, only her.

Sadly too many of these self centred kidults believe

Their parent only needs their relationship. It doesn't occur their relationship doesn't replace that of an intimate partner that you fall in love with and build a life/family and future together.

She has aspirations of

She has aspirations of usurping property for her sustainability dreams and you are the materialistic one?

There is a shit ton of me, me, me, me, me with this one. Not one reference to fact and not one inkling of cerebral activity. Only fee fees.

My give a shit about this entitled failed family crotch nugget would be absolutely zero.

Because she is all about manipulation of her your DH, I would make it clear to him, regularly, that she harps on her fee fees but clearly has zero regard for him other than for what she "feels" she is entitled to.

Keep her nose firmly ground into the stench what she is while you and DH live your best lives.

No parent has any obligation to notify their adult children that they are marrying their new love. Though an FYI certainly would have taken any claim to the high road away from this SD. She has no legitimate claim to the fee fees she is so focused on harping on about. Had DH told her "We got married" that woudl have gutted the hill she has planted her "daddy and M hurt my fee fees" flag on and made her even more rediculous than she is.

Time for you and daddy to sell the sustainable dream development properties, hell, even sell the house you live in, and invest in a chapter that SD has zero delusional claim to being her childhood Camelot.

Take care of you.

We just sold all and moved

We did just that--sold everything and moved away and on--thank you for your assessment of her shit letter to dad.

Well done you!

Glad to hear you sold up and moved away from this obviously materialistic, manipulative and entitled SD. We did the same thing and I haven't regretted that decision. Enjoy your new life, your new home and your new furniture.

It's no loving letter to a parent, it's a blatant sales pitch.

"I would love to build a second house on your property for our family. ... I have a degree in sustainability and I would love to sustainably develop another piece of our property in to a home for me and any future for our family in F…….. I have lots of ideas for sustainable and affordable housing, and it would be a dream come true to build a home on your property."

I hope your DH realized that. SD certainly made it clear right up front this is what she was REALLY after.

I’ll be honest, normal kids don’t talk to their parents

Like they're doing a business/sales pitch. The moment they do, its an alterior motive and your guards should be lit up bright red.

my brother did the same crap when talking to dad, he knew he was after money and his estate because his wife felt entitled to it despite having no relationship with my dad

Sickening letter.

So glad you sold everything and your DH has his eyes wide open now, even if it only took 15 years and a dead cat.

Take your time healing, and remind DH if he wavers, of what happened with SD.

I have an abusive SD 23 Feral Forger. Shes mean and dirty and just all around bad. Always was, but shes gotten worse over time. Has sent me nasty texts. I blocked that bish.

I agree with the other

I agree with the other posters. SD is a self-centered, whiny, immature little snot who desperately needs to get over herself. How dare her. OMG. I am so mad for you. Her letter was laden with disrespect for you and your marriage and gave a clear depiction of the type of person she is - vindictive, manipulative, selfish, hateful. You and DH did not need her permission to get married, move, change things around the house, etc. None of that is any of her business. And you certainly didn't need to ask her permission to marry her dad. What an arrogant expectation on her part. She doesn't seem to understand that her dad's life isn't going to always revolve around her and no one owes her a thing. Not. a. thing.

It sounds to me like SD needs some counseling. She clearly has problems that she is acting this way all because her dad remarried. Technically, she should be mad at both of you for getting married, but her letter clearly indicates she is mad at you. She is very clear in the letter that it their failed relationship, her hurt fee fees are your fault. I'll be willing to bet she harbored resentment and jealousy toward you from day 1, even if she didn't show it.

I say keep moving forward, disengage from her and live your best lives. She can be a miserable hateful little person all by herself.

Such a huge help

The validation I'm receiving from replies like yours are helping me fight for the next phase of life--living it. With the bad vibes from SD and tightrope act with DH, I'm a shell of the woman I was. Counseling was today and every week with a life coach as I reactivate and heal. We'd been married eight years when she wrote that and it took another six years of her shit for DH to reach the end of his tether.

What A Witch

That's disgusting. Sadly, I could see DH's oldest daughter doing the exact thing. I'm so glad you have moved far away from this horrid woman. Hopefully, your DH will see the "real" person and block her.

What an awful entitled girl

What an awful entitled girl she is....

It's all about

So selfish. I can see how dealing with her has done your head in.

Why is she mad at you and not

Why is she mad at you and not her Dad? He's her parent, not you so he is the one that gets to decide if he wants to tell her he is getting married. I imagine he had a reason for not telling her and by the sound of the drama she is drumming up I can see why he made that choice.
What makes your SD think that her Dad wants her living in his house when she is a full grown woman? Most parents want to pursue their own hobbies, interests and travel after they have done their job raising the kids. The kids leave the nest and have their own life, not live with their Dad as a mini-wife.
My step diabla got a degree in sustainability as well. Now she works in marketing which I find hilarious considering how self-righteous and superior she acted about her supposed commitment to sustainablity. Isn't marketing & consumerism the exact opposite of sustainability? Lol At lease she has a job.

Parents do not require approval and permission to marry

Someone. They certainly never asked their unborn kid for permission to marry someone. Entitled kids like this are the same ones who believe their parent can't have another kid without their permission

kids do not get authority to involve themselves in their parents private bedroom matters which these are.

she certainly feels entitled to build a home on daddy's property doesn't she?

when i met my husband, sd's had cut off contact with their dad and disappearn over lies their mum and affair stepdad made about my husband. When we married, hubby refused to search out daughters to inform them we were marrying

they cut off contact and my husband didn't believe they had any authority or power to be in a position where we reqd their approval to marry. After 5.5 yrs no contact, we had been married 3.5 yrs and had 2 kids aged 1 & 2.5.

it took sd's barely a yr for eldest sd now 23 to call dad with fake tears how he abandoned them to marry and have kids with me. After all, bio mum had referred to me as the half naked Christian whore their muslim dad married. What was hilarious and she got caught out on this with sd's and my ils was i was a born and raised muslim woman.

after that call from sd's and my husband telling me what happened, i refused to be around sd's. I saw them as dangerous and hell bent on destroying pur marriage yet bio mum who was actively cheating with affair stepdad whilst married to my husband (their marriage is totally fine even though they married in secret the week after divorce was finalised and stepdad left his wife to marry biomum), its bonkers and something my husband will not tolerate

A couple of things - 1) the

A couple of things - 1) the only specifics she goes into are how she misses possessions or losing out on building a home on land that daddy owns; 2) why was it your job to clear your wedding with her first? I hope your DH sees through all that. Her letter makes it clear that the only thing she cares about it is money...and when you got married that threatened her claim to all of daddy's things.

My conclusion too

I've decided that it was about money too--not any love for her dad shown ever. I'm so mad--deeply angered seeing the hurt he went through the last 15 years. The sting of rejection savaged me, but nothing like the helpless pain I felt at seeing DH hope upon hope that she would "grow up." She can kiss that dream goodbye. We spent it all on a new house.

Were our DHs seduced?

I'm always surprised to hear the SDs imply that their dear, virtuous, celibate dads had been seduced by an evil woman. I dont know about you, but my DH initiated our relationship. I dont think he had one single thought about his kids when he started chatting me up.

We didn't tell his kids when we eloped to Las Vegas. He certainly didn't ask anybody's permission to marry me. How do these SDs get these ideas? If your SD is married, did she seduce some innocent lamb? Did she ask her dad's permisdion first? I doubt it

Its the typical evil stepmum golddigger hoe syndrome they

Perpetuate. its absolute bs in my opinion.

when my husband was introduced to me by a mutual friend, we clicked and got along well. my husband's 2 daughters had cut off all contact for a year prior over some bullshit lies they knew their mum and affair stepdaddy sold them about dad.

my husband took it real hard having those kids ripped away from him but over time realized he wasn't gonna be held hostage to their and bio mums manipulation tactics.

bio mum thought she'd be able to have my husband drop everything. She spent aftermath of divorce playing the victim and telling everyone that my husband would grow a lonely old man that nobody wanted him.

imagine her dismay when he meets someone, much younger, a foreigner and educated. It blew her story and angle to shreds. She then had eldest sd message my husband after 5.5 yrs no contact about how they knew he had a new family and new wife and kids and wanted a relationship with him. Sd's claimed biomum was good now and was the one wanting them to contact daddy to re establish a relationship

She expected and demanded hibby put his differences aside as they both had new families and to do this for the sake of their kids yet demanded hubby come with their son only to meet sd's in affair hubbys home with affair hubbys kids from prior marriage that exwife broke up. Me and our 2 toddlers were expected to stay home. that didn't sit right with my husband and he ignored all those messages

eventually after a yr eldest sd called her dad fake crying how dare he marry me and have 2 kids with me. It was to replace them. Suddenly we were the problem why they had a crappy relationship yet they ended their relationship before i even met my husband. Our kids were 2 & 3.5 and they were blaming us for the non existent relationship they didn't have with dad. Ignorant of the fact they refused to attend meet ups, their mum and stepdad would ban them attending meet ups or lunch out at a restaurant over lies biomum made which sd's knew were lies. Thats on them, not us

now ss he was under hubbys sole custody so when we were serious he did mention he met someone who he really likes and the first time we met it was a smile like an awkward one meeting daddies girlfriend for the first time.

When we were getting engaged, hubby told him beforehand because in our asian culture, the guys side comes to the girls side to initiate an engagrment and ask her father for permission to marry etc and ss flew with hubby and some of his siblings to my country.

he never once felt obligated to be askinng permission from them when he was paying cs, allowances etc whilst they were in school. They had bo authority to dictate his intimate sex life. My husband had told me that although he was married for 16 yrs to his exwife, it wasn't a marriage and he felt he wasted all those yrs.

he wanted to experience a true marriage and have kids the proper way in an inclusive household with us co-parenting together and raising them together. He knew his kids would grow up and he'd be alone. Kids don't think about that, they think their minimal relationship with elderly parent is a substitute for the sexual intimacy they have with a partner or spouse. Kids do not fill that void ever.

SD likes Boy Toys

SD goes for younger boy toys. She has to have complete control or she's gone. Now that she has gained 40 pounds, it may not be so easy for her. What a fat, whiny, mess she must be these days. Karma's a bitch. I'm feeling okay about her misery after taking the high ground for so many years. I didn't have much choice as SD had daddy under her thumb until very recently. Eloping to Las Vegas sounds very fun.

Holy C@#p!!!

That letter is really all about HER and what she is missing out on. I don't know the entire backstory but has she made any serious attempts to get to know you better or bond in any way? It sounds like you had the nerve to fall in love with her father and become some sort of obstacle to her getting everything she wants. I have two stepsons (the oldest one is the problematic one) and that's why I joined this group. Holy Toledo! I'm so glad I don't have stepdaughters; they sound hideous! I'm reading through your other posts. She sound slike a master manipulator.

SDs are able to inflict the

SDs are able to inflict the most damage. Count your blessings!

Sounds a bit like my SD.

Sounds a bit like my SD. Wants thing. Doesn't want certain things. Constant complaints ....

my husband actually purchased our place for the acreage, hoping a child would build on it ( he and wife #1 had no children for almost 10 years after that). SD doesn't want the physical house nor does my BD. My BD & Husband asked if I'd consider splitting land and giving them ( paying for it) some acreage for a future home they'd build. I have no issue there. I eventually need to talk to SD about it/ deed still my DH & my name ( he's deceased). There's a life estate on house/ when I'm gone, it is tobe sold, profits split between girls. I envision issues if I split off 2 acres

Sounds a bit like my SD.

Sounds a bit like my SD. Wants thing. Doesn't want certain things. Constant complaints ....

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Letter to Dad from 26 year Old SD