More drama with adult step kids and ex wife
If any of you remember my last post about my stepdaughters wedding and how horribly my husband and I were treated I have a bit of an update. We decided to move to a different state and we are in the process of selling our house. My husband got the house in his divorce settlement so his ex wife had previously lived there for several years before they split up. As we are packing my husband realized that all the family photos of when his kids were growing up and all the photos of the grandkids were gone. We knew his ex wife took all the framed photos but he didn't realize she took all the albums and extra prints as well. He emailed her and asked why she didn't leave any extra prints and she basically responded with that he made the decision to leave the family so he didn't really deserve the pictures. He can't even get digital copies now because she has the computer that had all the pictures stored on it. He has zero photos of his kids and because he's blocked on Facebook from everyone he can't even get pictures from social media. We then looked at his Facebook page and every picture that he was ever tagged in before the divorce is now gone. Pictures of his kids graduations, his sons wedding, the births of his grandkids and special moments with them are erased. Even though he's accepting that he's probably never going to have a relationship with his kids again, he at least wanted to have the memories of being a dad and the few years he was allowed to be a grandparent. Now everything is gone. He asked a friend to go on daughter in laws Facebook and try to find the pictures of him from these events and send them to us but the friend said that the photos were deleted. Every picture that included my husband was removed. What's worse is our friend sent us a screenshot of stepson posting on Facebook on Father's Day wishing daughter in laws dad a happy Father's Day and how wonderful of an example of how a dad should be he is. My husband was his dad and hero for over 30 years and in a split second he's not a good a father and grandfather? Just because he didn't love his wife anymore and wanted a divorce he is now not worthy of being a father. This is sick and disgusting and I hope one day he knows how this feels. My husband has zero living relatives apart from his kids and grandkids. This so so heartbreaking
Very sad
My DH has zero pictures of his kids in the early years tho we have the ones since we've been together. How sad for your DH.
Speaking of pictures, YSS and I have had a difficult relationship. Nowadays it's superficially polite but not close. He has 3 girls, now 23, 21 and 15. They lived out of town and we seldomr received pictures of them. One time, I asked DIL if schools still took pictures and she sent me those that year.
Flash forward to when BM died. For some reason I can't remember, all her stuff (pictures, Christmas ornaments and displays) were delivered here, I think it was where SD and her girls were going to fight over, I mean divvy it up. There were box after box after box of YSS's girl's professional quality pictures.
I thought they could have sent us one set but whatever. Steplife....
It's baffling to me that they
It's baffling to me that they hate him that much that they are willing to throw away memories. All the photos of the family after the birth of oldest granddaughter have been deleted. All of stepsons important moments from his military career that my husband was present for have been erased. The only pictures left are are the ones that have daughter in laws parents and of stepson and his family themselves. They were willing to delete photos of ex wife just to erase my husband. We also were sent a copy of youngest granddaughters birth announcement and when it listed grandparents, neither me or my husband were included. This little girl is about to turn 2 and we've never been allowed to meet her. We saw her from a distance at the wedding but my husband never got to hold her and wasn't even told she was born. I hate these people so much
They have earned and deserve the hate.
The Karma bus will run them over, then back up and do it over and over again. Give it time.
You and DH live your best life. Which is also the best revenge.
Let the POS SS rot in the cesspool of toxicity he is building.
My DH has one photo album of his kids, he ex kept all the rest.
My DH has one photo album of his kids, his ex kept all the rest. The only reason he has that one is on the the kids snuck it to him. His ex was court ordered to either make copies of all pictures, or provide him with the photos so he could make copies, and she never complied. Refusing pictures has a whole chapter in the HCBM handbook.
I wonder if it would be worth
I wonder if it would be worth it to take ex wife to court for copies. The divorce has been finalized for a long time now so it might just be a waste of money. My husband briefly considered taking stepson to court for grandparents rights but in most places if the parents are married then we don't qualify so we decided not to pursue it any further.
Pictures. YSD married. DH
Pictures. YSD married. DH paid for the wedding reception and the photographer. YSD and her H came and showed us the proofs. They came back and showed us the album. They showed him the pictures they got for the attendants. Then they left. Not a picture for him. (And it can't be blamed on BM as she died shortly after the divorce she wanted.)
Stepdaughter just got her
Stepdaughter just got her wedding photos back and my husband is on only one picture and I was excluded from all the photos. So no point in her giving us any pictures of the wedding. We definitely don't want a reminder of that day.
Photos.
When my XW moved out of our marital home, that we had purchased 3mos before she bolted, she left all of our wedding photos. I kept them for many years. She did ask for them a couple of times over the next 4-ish years. I ignored her.
The ygot dumped during one of my many moves since then, I kept them for a number of years. I never looked at them.
When I accepted an invitation to my XILs for coffee, it was an erie deja vu. My XW's bride picture was still on their wall. A huge picture. There were a number of our wedding pics in frames on shelves in several places in their home.
I did not keep any pics of that wedding. Though one is etched into my brain. A pic taken from the choir loft in the cathedral we were married in. It is a huge cathedral. We purposely noted open seating in the invitation and had the attendants seat people evenly thgroughout the cathedral. My family had moved to that city about 3 years before the wedding. My XW's family had been there for decades. My XFIL was a former city councilman. My XMIL had a long business history in the community. Once seated, her invited guests would get up and move to the L. The choir loft pic had the two of us at the alter. The L side of the cathedral was packed with people standing in the isles on that side. My side, had 30 people in the first two rows and 2 people near the back. Not sure why of hte hundreds of pics the photographer took, that one sticks in my mind.
Flushing memories is not something I would advise. Though, I have no regrets for having trashed the wedding pics from when I lost the marriage lottery the first time I played.
My DW of 29 years and I eloped. I regret that we do not have more pics from our wedding.
Skids who trash the pics of their family and their childhood will in all liklihood regret it. But, if it keeps a toxic spawn out of the lives of a quality parent and their mate, then good riddance.
IMHO
This is right out of the narc high conflict exwife playbook
Same happened to my husband in during the divorce exwife claimed she was burning all photo albums and destroying them because my husband was divorcing her. It was a manipulative tactic.
she alienated the sd's about 4 yrs post divorce due to pas, disowned ss who was living with hubby. Suddenly after 5.5yrs of no contact, eldest sd reinitiated contact and would repeatedly message hubby so-called she just came across pics of hubby on his own whilst married to her mum basically trying to brainwash hubby how happy he was with her- except he clearly wasn't happy.
it was all a manipulative tactic. The cutting him off it hurt him and took him a while to get over it but one day he realised this was just a toxic relationship to have. He wasn't gonna put his life on hold for them, they just weren't worth it treating him like that.
Yep...
Straight out of the playbook. DH has limited pics of his kids' young years. Thankfully, he had a lot on his computer and somehow a box of pics got put in his stuff by the moving company. I somehow got the oldest son (years ago) to let me "borrow" a box of home movies he had in his car. I copied them all for DH (from VHS to DVD). Sometimes, the universe looks down on you and blesses you....that was our case. Other wise, DH wouldn't have much of anything.
Yeah it doesn't look like
Yeah it doesn't look like anything was left behind by ex wife. Apparently she told him that if it took him this long to notice all the pictures were gone then he really doesn't need or deserve them. Apparently there were also no actual printed copies of the photos of him holding his grand babies when they were newborns in the hospital and stepson and daughter in law deleted the only pictures anyone had of those moments. Those we can never get back.
High conflict exes will always find a way of guilting
And shaming you, especially narcs. Just try to not take it personally. The ex is damaged goods. Whatever my husband's exwife claimed would happen to hubby (she said horrible things to lower his self worth and self-esteem), the complete opposite happened and she had to do damage control with her kids. All the lies she made about my husband she simply could not drum up the same lies about me, because they'd be so absurd and ridiculous.
just do your best to zone out the exwife's nonsense, she's being a petty biatch
sick and disgusting
I sincerely hope that the karma bus comes fast and furious for them.
Question
Is it at all possible that the Toxic BM told lies that she was cheated on and you are the mistress?
Thats the only thing I can think of that would be any kind of reason for this treatment you have described.
So there was a woman he dated
So there was a woman he dated before me that they all knew about so I don't think that's the problem. They just hate him for leaving ex wife and I'm just guilty by association.
Suggestion
He needs to grieve the relationship that he thought he would have with them...maybe seek some therapy to talk it out.
That defies comprehension, really. All that toxic energy.
He genuinely wasn't expecting
He genuinely wasn't expecting his kids to take the divorce the way they did. These weren't little kids, they were grown adults with lives of their own. From what my husband told me, the day they told the adult kids, stepson and my husband got into a screaming match and stepson told my husband he isn't the man who raised him and he isn't his father anymore. It's been years now and he hasn't changed his stance on that. Now my husband said he won't ever consider reconciliation until his son apologizes. There is zero chance of that happening now so they will never see each other again. Were hoping the grandkids reach out to us one day though
I don't understand people who
I don't understand people who do things like this. When my ex and I split, the photos all stayed with me because I stayed in the house. When the first post-split father's day came along, my ex had just bought a house of his own (he stayed with his mother until our finances were settled). I went out and got one of those big frames with spaces for different pictures and filled it with pics of the kids from different ages, and the kids gave it to him as a father's day present. I hated my ex for awhile in the early days, but I was cognizant that his hapiness and well-being had a direct impact on the happiness and well-being of our children. Fast forward 10 years, my ex was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. The two of us sat down together with the kids to tell them. They talk to me about their fears and their weird anticipation of his eventual passing. I don't thibk I could he there for them in the same way if they didn't know that I genuinely care about their father. People need to grow the fuck up.
My husband briefly considered
My husband briefly considered taking stepson to court for grandparents rights,
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Oh my goodness, DO not entertain this. Read inside and out, Troxel v Granville . There are no Grandparent rights. Everything is left up to biological parents to decide who their kids see and spend time with. SCOTUS has ruled parental rights are highly protected in this matter.
Now lets say there was an open CPS case, THEN (may be) you might have some leverage to step IN and request a reasonable visitation schedule. The parents MAY be uneducated enough to think they have to agree to it, OR loose their case since their attorney didn't tell them it is OK to tell Granny to take a hike, then jump in a lake. THAT outcome is not because there are GP' rights.
Dont waste your time and money on a rabbit hole case.
As far as all the petty games bm has played. It just doesn't matter. It's part of their pathology. To inflict as much pain as they can. Now you want to consider Grandparents rights? ---good golly noooo.
With a BM like yours, (we are very familiar with those kind), Just the thought of dh looking off in the distance, thinking about his Grandchildren he has no relationship with, ,,,,,, LONGING to see the Grand'babies" will bring women like your bm great joy just to think about him, THINKING like that.
Just--- let--- it--- goooo
Go live your life as abundantly as you can.
From what I've understood,
From what I've understood, the only way GPs can have a snowballs chance in hell of gaining any kind of rights is if their child is dead and their child's spouse is refusing them access.
Oh we won't be pursuing it.
Oh we won't be pursuing it. Someone brought it up to us and we briefly looked into it and realized we would be throwing our money away. We don't qualify on any grounds to even be considered. Also we don't knkw what the grandkids have been told about us so there's a good chance the kids don't want to see us and that would make it so much worse.
From my perspective.
This sounds like an infidelity situation and not just a bitter divorce and petty step children. The reactions from all parties involved are way out of proportion to parents divorcing and dad remarrying.
So while there was no
So while there was no physical affair, my husband did start to have feeling for another woman at the end of the marriage. He wasn't happy with ex wife and was ready to move on. He began a relationship with this other woman a few months after ex wife moved out but obviously things didn't work out. Ex wife has been accusing him of having an affair ever since. I'm sure stepkids also believe he cheated but he never did. He ended his marriage before he ever started seeing anyone else.
Kind of figured...
Which explains the high level of toxic reactions.