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Moved my son and I in with my fiance and his 2 adult sons-now his daughter want in too

suzanne2020's picture

Submitted by suzanne2020 on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 2:47pm

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Adult Stepchildren

2 years ago my fiance talked me into moving in with him with my 15 year old. He has two sons in their early twenties still living at home, but he assured me they each had a plan to move out by the end of the year. Didn't happen... now, his daughter 18, who had been living with her mom, wanted more freedom and has moved in too, She's still in high school, and is expected to go to college in 8 months, but there's been talk of her going local-living at home to save money. My son graduates high school in a year and a half and gets along with all, but he has an active schedule and is hardly home. All the others are homebodies and I'm feeling disrespected by my fiance to allow our new relationship to endure this extra stuff. The daughter, nor fiance consulted with me at all before she moved in and I feel so low on the totem pole. Plus she has to share our master bath with us, becuase the guys are crowded with one bath upstairs. Am I tripping? Do I not have rights because I'm not married and it's my fiance's house? Thanks.

Aunt Agatha's picture

Submitted by Aunt Agatha on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 3:37pm

Yes your DH has completely de prioritized you.   You are being disrespected.  
 

Can you get an apartment and move out until these adult children launch?

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 3:38pm

You have the right to pack up and walk out the door.  I don't personally think power in a relationship being based on who pays for what is a healthy set-up. If he wants to marry you and invited you to move into his home, he should take your needs and feelings into consideration.  Moving his daughter in with zero discussion with you is not taking your needs and feelings into consideration, it's acting as if he's still a single man and he can do what he pleases. 

I'd put any wedding plans on hold until he gets his kids launched - in fact, I'd move out entirely until that was done. 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 3:39pm

I would move out.  I would want to live in a place where I had a say as to things that affect me.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Submitted by Exjuliemccoy on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 3:39pm

Move out, and demote him to a boyfriend. Do not consider living together or a wedding until ALL kids and skids are fully launched.

suzanne2020's picture

Submitted by suzanne2020 on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 5:27pm

Thank you!! I knew I wasn't nuts--felt like I was in a boarding house. Not romantic at all!

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 6:23pm

Yeah, we try to tell people not to fall for that line. "So and so will be out by the end of the year, so please move in." It rarely ends well. They tell you that it's your home, too, but then they go and do crap like this.

Are you in a place, financially, that you can move out? I know it sucks, but unless he's willing to hear you and take action, there's no other choice. Well, except living in hell.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Thu, 01/30/2020 - 8:57pm

No, you aren't tripping. What you do need to do is move out and make a home for yourself and your child away from the trainwreck of this shallow and polluted gene pool.

This guy has proven his word is useless and he is far from the quality of person anyone should want to be their equity life partner.  Save your son from this crap and find someone of quaility rather than this refuse of a man.

Sadge56's picture

Submitted by Sadge56 on Fri, 01/31/2020 - 3:46pm

and I think you should take the good advice being given here. Great work having raised a 15 year old son who gets along with all and has a busy life. Well done you, and you need to protect your relationship with him.