My fiance died ..going through horror with OSD and YSD
My fiance died a month ago on my arms, we have been couple of months in process of solving issues with his daughters, he was trying to detach from them saying that he needs me, not them and wants to marry me and live with me, we had a talk about their meddling in our relationship and he was becoming aware how wrong it was.
Then the worst happened and in a second he was gone. I called my OSD immediately when paramedics arrived to inform her of situation. She arrived with her boyfriend in couple of hours to hospital, ten minutes before them arriving I just got the information he passed. I was in shock I was not believing it was truth, we were together just making everything right in our relationship, he was in a process of buying grave in my town, because he had some issues with health, and asked me if I was going to be buried with him there, I sad yes. Well he passed and his daughters took everything from me, in obituary I was only a name, they wrote he was a father, son, uncle, brother and gentlemen. His other relatives were incredulous why they didn't write he was something to me, I begged them for some ashes in little memory urn so that I could make his wish come true and buy the grave he didn't have time to, so he could rest with me one day, they attacked me in most vicious ways imaginable, saying I was nobody and that they were the only ones important in his life, turning his whole family against me saying lies that I wanted to stop the burial in a grave where his father lays, I only begged for a little memorial urn.
His relatives who were on my side received message from them saying to get out from their lives and that he was theirs father, and they knew him for whole life and I was nobody. They made other vicious lies, spread them to all relatives, how I was with him only for money and didn't love him, how I was cheating on him, to make it clear he didn't have much money and I didn't cheat, they threw me out of his house that we were living in when he would come from abroad, now only a few relatives speak to me who were good with the two of us and knew how much we loved each other, and knew of all our plans together.
I don't have any rights to anything because we didn't have the same adress, but he went abroad so he could make money to buy a house with me to have somewhere to live together, because his other properties were not his only. His daughters know this, he told them he was gonna marry me and live with me. I'm devastated I don't know what to do, was someone in similar situation, how did you survive this. Please comment, thank you
Forgot
Forgot to mention, the morning after my fiance died and they took his documents, cards everything they withdrew money from his bank account to which I have empowerment (second card) not sure how you in America call it. Also OSD put her boyfriend as a husband in obituary.
Sending my deepest sympathy
Sending my deepest sympathy for your loss.
Please talk to your bank manager immediately, before these two witches bleed you dry. There may be ways of protecting your rights.
Damn. I'm so sorry you have
Damn. I'm so sorry you have gone through this and everything else.
My condolences to you.
My condolences to you.
These situations are very sad. I am sorry.
I am so so sorry for your
I am so so sorry for your loss. It is a very tragic situation. If you have confirmed that you have no legal standing, I would recommend counseling to help you process this significant trauma.
Yikes
These SD's are royal C's.
Im sorry for your loss.
Recognize how easily the rest of his family turned against you.
In all this tragedy, and of course having your fiance alive and with you tops all, BUT you would have had a lifetime of BS being attached to these toxic losers. You have been spared that. Small consolation in this sadness, but it is a biggie if you have lived years of torment with the toxic scum.
As others have said talk to the bank, consult with a lawyer. If your name was on a bank account with your fiancee Im pretty sure it was illegal for the shite SD's to withdraw the money. Best to check that out ASAP.
Blessings hun and go easy on yourself
ETA I just read your first post. Im truly sorry for your loss but your fiancee had an extremely unhealthy relationship with the SD's. Your life wouldve been like a rollercoaster. One day you are the queen, the next he is all up his daughters a**. Im not minimizing his death its truly awful and tragic. Im just focussing on the dynamic. Its n o surprise the mini wife widow/SD's are behaving this way.
I'm so very sorry this
I'm so very sorry this happened. Like others have suggested, you probably want to speak with an attorney.
My condolences on your loss.
My condolences on your loss.
Get an attorney. That is the only way you may learn what your options are.
Take care of you.
IM so sorry for what you have been going through
As you grieve, I suggest counseling to help process everything. The befores and afters.
But most importantly you should cut off all contact with anyone connected to SDs. There is no real way to do battle with their lies.
And please get thee to a lawyer tomorrow, if you havent yet, and see what you can do as to the bank account and slander. Protect yourself.
And as to his family, they are definitely not going to be on your side.
The enmeshment was high and sick. Thats something you will want to address with therapist also.
And take care of YOU. My condolences.
Ive often thought about what I would do if anything were to happen. I would have someone designated to communicate with husbands very large family. And I am in the process of getting wills together and signed. And cleaning as well as clearing. so to be prepared. There is no 100% preparation, but it helps to get the financials lined up with life insurance etc
((hugs))
empowerment
Not quite sure of 'empowerment'. In the US a second card can be joint - which would mean the account would be yours. Or the second card can be a user card and you have no right to the account after the death of the owner. A visit to the bank manager who can explain why they were allowed to drain the account seems to be in order.
I am sorry this has happened to you. Unfortunately for you, not married with no will, means his kids are in charge and you (most likely) have no legal rights. Your situation is reminder to all of us to have legal documents to back up our wishes.
I'm sorry for your loss.
It's a difficult time for you and it is made even more difficult because you had some assumptions that things would go a certain way if your SO/fiance died.
If I understand correctly, based on your previous post, you had a long-distance, on-again-off-again relationship with your SO which was international in nature. I think he would come and visit you in your country? Or did you come here and visit him?
Based on what you've written, I am assuming he was an American. If so, I will agree with "notarelative" and tell you that you have no legal rights and no authority over anything to do with your SO's bank accounts, property, estate dissolution, or burial instructions.
If you are in another country, I don't know what the law would be in your country but imagine it would be similar to the US. I don't know of any country that would provide legal rights/authority to a fiance without any kind of formal, official records - like a documented will. Especially if the person was a legal citizen of another country.
If he was a US citizen, who was a legal resident of the US, then laws from here would apply. That means if he didn't have a will, his children are his next of kin and have full authority over his estate.
As mentioned, it is a good reminder for all of us to make sure we have legally-defensible documents drawn up to protect us ... and that goes for married couples, too. Why risk probate fights ...
Thank you all
I've detached from all of them, I'm in a process of counseling, don't want to have anything with them anymore trying to forget they ever existed. They gave me too much stress, my friends were worried about me, didn't have time to mourn my fiance because of them. Please if anyone has similar story do share, how you coped.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry
Oh my goodness I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm so glad you're in counseling and I really hope it's helpful for you.
If the bank accounts have your name on them, that $$ is yours and they have stolen from you. I hope the financial institution is helping you.
For all women in a serious long term relationship please let this be a warning for you. I've been with my SO for 21 years and we're now talking marriage to ensure something like this doesn't happen. We have a signed document that allows me to be in charge of his remains after death. We each have a have Power of Attorney, an Advanced Medical Directive and a will. We've tried to do anything we can think of to avoid his kids causing issues but honestly marriage just makes it easier and would give me more rights.
We're in the same situation.
Decades in but I will not marry. We also have all documents in order. Sadly, a marriage certificate isn't a guarantee that adult skids won't still cause problems. It can even cause them.
If my SO were my husband (full legal authority) he could still wind up being manipulated/directed by SD and might act accordingly in relation to what's good for me, especially as we hit the age of frailty.
My philosophy is to always keep an exit door easily opened, and that includes having one of my own family members involved in decision-making, and keeping some legal lines in the sand if I need to extricate myself from my SO in order to have my own care become a priority.
Divorce is a lot harder to do once you get older and especially if any questions come up about capacity.