If she has a full-time job, 1-2 months is plenty of time to give her to find an apartment and move out.

Stop paying for anything she uses. Change the wifi password, she doesn't get it. Don't buy her food. Start charging her for her portion of the rent and utilities. Ensure she's paying for her own car and car insurance and phone.  If not, shut those down.

You could always try being incredibly blunt with her "So you've been working for 8 years now, you must have saved enough for a down payment on a home. Just think how much fun it will be decorating your very own place. What part of the city were you thinking of moving to?"

If she balks, ask her if she seriously intends to live with daddy for the rest of her life?

And stop avoiding her. Don't go out of your way for her. Take your place as queen bee and let her know it. If she starts to decorate or change things round, change it all back and let her know that you don't want that. 

Did you tell your husband before you married him and moved in that you expected his daughter to leave? If so,  I'd be reading him the riot act now. Frankly, my expectation would have been that absent a big push out the door, a 32 year old who lived with Daddy and had been living with him for a number of years would not be moving out just because he got married, and her leaving would have been a pre-marriage demand. 

It might be that there needs to be an ultimatum, which you shouldn't give unless you're prepared to leave.  I'd try marriage counseling before that, though. 

A household where a 32 yo DD live in.  You set yourself up for this drama.  Aspecting this living arrangement

Its going to be hard now to get her out.  DH has his happy family , DD does not bother him.   You must go for broke and tell DH you want DD out.  You can not live with two woman in the house. So either it's you or DD 

It doesnt sound like your DH wants her to leave and is in fear of upsetting her. So that is two against one, and we all know how it usually ends for the SM.

The best you can do is make it uncomfortable for her BUT my take big daddio wont be happy if you do that. You are in a threesome right now and your DH is happy about that, your SD is happy about that. You are the only one with the problem, that is what both of them will focus on. You have every reason to have a problem with this, do not get me wrong. I just do not see this going in your favor unless your DH is willing to say goodbye to his adult grown ass baby girl.

I never believe in ultimatums. This one though I would give one, and when he chooses the grown ass DD be prepared to leave. 

I hope this goes in your favor girl, you deserve a good life

I feel your pain, I've had 3 years with adult ss and I cannot wait for him to move out. luckily he's met somebody and is saving for a deposit on house so it's not immediate but he will be gone within a year and there's no way he's coming back.
Maybe you husband could talk to her about trying to meet somebody, approach it in a way so that he comes across as worried about her and wants her to be happy and not end up single and lonely. Surely if she meets somebody then she would want here own space and more likely to move out. 

If your husband isn't up for that then I'd just be as awkward as hell, I wouldn't avoid her I'd just be there all the time doing something I know would annoy her and if she complains then tell her if you don't like it move out.

Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt for it. I got my SD31, a mini-wife on steroids out, I got my SS29 out and I did it before they reproduced because if you think it's hard now, wait until your SD comes home pregnant. Sorry, my response is going to be long, but I was where you are and I had a DH who fought every sign of maturity or evolvement in the SKs, especially SD, every step of the way. So, here goes:

I was co-dependent. Very afraid of losing DH. This is relevant because when you're scared shitless of losing someone, you won't go quite far enough to get the results and respect you want and deserve. For many years, I tried to point out the mini-wife syndrome. I tried every which way possible, but I only got my head bit off by my DH. He used every tactic under the sun to "whip me back into shape" and use my fear of loss to his advantage. It worked every time. He would withdraw from me, gaslight me, rip my head off and shit down my throat, come up with all kinds of justifications for why I'm wrong and imagining things. SD got off Scott free on shunning me in my own home for over 7 years while moving in with us full time. DH sold me out. In the meantime there was SS turning 23 and showing no signs whatsoever of moving out. I had to buy a place and invite DH to make a deicison, but that's a whole other story, so I'll leave that one here.

So, DH, DD (also DH's DD) moved into our new place. I immediately regretted it because if you think the enmeshment improves when the mini-wife moves out, you're sadly mistaken. SD ramped it up and managed to cause problems from afar. I got very depressed and realized that I had gotten to the point of fearing living like that for the rest of my life than of losing DH. In fact, I had one foot out the door. I was ready to tell DH that buying a new home was a mistake and that I want a divorce. Since I was at that point, I had nothing to lose, so I staged an explosion. 

No one else was home besides DH and I. I went nuclear and laid down the law about what changes I wanted and that I wanted them before the sun set today or else. I declared myself as "Queen Shit of Turd Island." Yes, I used those words. I had a major come to Jesus meeting with DH and since I'm not a yeller, DH just about shit himself when he saw me in a way that I had never been in 20 years. I told DH that I'm to be the woman he's fucking (and yes I said that) and that no adult who I'm not fucking can live with us. I found the Step Mother's Bill of Rights and repeated the tenet about, "I will not be made out to be an interloper in my own marriage," several times. The SKs will NOT have the code to get into our house. They will not ever live with us again. I told DH a bunch of things about SD and I do not regret it. I laid down the law about gaslighting and DH's withdrawal from me for weeks, months at a time all because of something to do with SD. He must remember that he has three kids and not one. He must remember that he has two daughters and not one. He will not longer run off to celebrate Father's Day and his birthday for one on one dates with SD leaving his other two kids out. I went crazy. 

It worked. SD tried right away to move in with us and DH said no. She's tried a few times since and DH has said no. DH now shows affection to me in front of SD. The mini-wife crap improved greatly, but DH faultered a few times along the way. I would be quick to remind him and he'd smarten up. The faulterings got way fewer and farther between to the point that there really aren't any now. I can't change SD. She is the clingiest cling-on ever, but DH ignores her texts and constant attempts to contact him when he's with me. We never used to have date nights, but now we do and DH does not look at his phone at all. Our marriage has improved 1000%. Last year on my birthday and Mother's Day, DH thanked me for taking charge of our marriage and family and setting us on a much healthier path. SS did the same. It turned out that DH did not tell SS to do so. SS developed a whole new respect for me, but doesn't know why. DH and I never told anyone about my nuclear meltdown six years ago. DH's entire side of the family treats me with much greater respect than they used to. I can't even list all the benefits I got from realizing my worth and going nuts that day. 

You are 50% of your marriage. YOU are the woman of the house. You have every right to take charge of your marriage and YOUR household. You are the matriarch of the house, so use that power. You have way more power and influence than you think.

Just a note about our DHs' "issue." It's a very deep issue. It's almost pathalogical and the prognosis is slim to none. My DH would literally sabotage any sign of maturity, growth or evolvement of any kind in SD. It was really weird. DH would quit marital counselling rather than take the risk of losing SD. It's like anything I said, no matter how gently or tactfully, DH would hear my words and it would immediately be translated in DH's mind as "lose SD." So, a convo would be me: "DH what do you think of the SKs doing one chore a week?" = DH's tranlation: "lose SD." Then I'd be scratching my head wondering how on earth DH could come to the conclusion of ripping my head off and shitting down my throat. These types of dads have a major disorder: their addiction to their daugthers. It's from either guilt or fear of losing them. These dads will sabotage any sign of healing because in their minds they just cannot afford to lose their poopsies. That issue overrides any logical conversation you have around helping the adult DD become independent. Logically these dads know that, but emotionally they just aren't there and are addicted to operating from fear or guilt. So, with that, it seems that the cards are stacked against you and that any and every tactic you use won't work. That's why you have to go full-on nuclear or lay down the law in a come to Jesus meeting. 

There is nothing wrong with a woman requiring the utmost respect and commitment. I honestly believe that more of us should do it. In the meantime I looked within to delve into whether there was a pattern in my life of being an inferior female who wasn't as worthy of love and commitment from important males in my life as other females. I felt that was important to deal with or the pattern would just repeat itself in my life. 

You will have to stay strong. Forewarned is forearmed. Here's what will happen when you take charge. Your DH will react badly. He's react in a way that makes you think he's leaving you (and you have to be prepared that he might). Your DH will withdraw, gaslight, fight you, threaten divorce, call you evil, jealous, throw any of your painful past experiences in your face and tell you that you're screwed up from that and are therefore interpreting things incorrectly... and on and on. Your heart will pound out of your chest because you'll wonder what the f did I do. I shouldn't have said anything and now I'm losing the man I love. Only you arent. I mean you might, but you're really gaining a new level of respect. While you feel all that and be a bundle of nerves, you'll also feel exhilarated for taking charge like that. You'll feel your power and it'll be amazing. Then you'll be so proud of yourself that you'll be at peace with divorce if it comes to that. 

In my case, my DH didn't divorce me. He found a whole new level of respect for me. Our marriage improved a thousand times over. My DH even confessed to me that he felt liberated from no longer having the personal pressure of catering to SD's every whim and chasing her constantly. DH actually felt physically better. 

Don't get me wrong. SD still pisses me right off. She's still the biggest attention whore I've ever met. She still has no inner self and she still texts Dadddeeeee all day, every day. I really don't care about what she does anymore. It's DH's response to that that I care about. He's very good about always including me, sharing information with me and tending to me and our marriage. Does he still respond to her contact a lot? Absolutely. More than I'd like, but the improvement is such that I really can't complain. SD will always be the empty shell that she is and will therefore always need constantly Mummmmeeeeee and Daddddeeeee supply, but my DH knows to balance that and put our marriage first. 

Take charge! You can do it. You have us. Come here and post every day if you need to. We will send you lots of strength vibes. You are a super woman. You can do this.

If you need to, write a script and post it here. Rehearse it. Rehearse remaining calm. There are veteran SMs on here and we're happy to share our experiences with you on what worked and what didn't. 

Hugs!!!!

IMHO no adult lives in a marital home without agreement from both spouses whose marital home it is.

The second one or the other spouse says it is time for the no longer welcome clingon resident to go, they go.

End of discussion.

Yeah I agree Rags. 

Though, in the minds of these grown up babies, it is "their family home" which they think is theirs to live in for life if it suits them.

In the case of the OP, she assumed the SD would just move out after her Dad and OP got married. Not so, cos his baby girl isn't budging from "her home'.

It's this whole entitled mindset of these kids that gets me.

Even if I had stayed with ex, I wouldn't have moved into his home, because his baby girl is exactly like this, it's "my home and I'm not moving anywhere". 

I said to ex, if we decide to live together we are getting a new place of our own, and it will be just for us.

I can see where you'd assume that a grown woman would move out once her father remarried. But these women aren't like other rational women. So it's hard now to demand something that should have been addressed prior to you moving in. That the home is her childhood shrine doesn't help. "Daddeeeee you can't kick me out of my own hhoooouuuuuuuusssse."

You mentioned replacing dishes. "SD, do you want to pack up these dishes for when you get a place of your own? Otherwise I'm going to donate them. If you want them, have them packed by x date." And then if she doesn't have them packed and out of the kitchen, follow through and donate them the next day.

Same with furniture. SD, we're getting a new couch. Do you want this old one? You might need to rent a storage unit until you can move in to a new place, but I'd be glad for you to have it. SD, do you want any of this old art? Etc.. room by room.

She'll either take the hint or go ballistic. My guess is ballistic.

I didn't have the same situation as Evil, but I also had to have the Come to Jesus meltdown before my DH took my feelings about his kids seriously. I HATE turning into a head spinning lunatic using every curseword I know and then some, but all the calm requests and talking did exactly zero to solve anything. Also like Evil, he's had some slip ups, but very few and far between now. Does your DH already know that you don't want her living there? Or have you been quietly seething all this time? If your DH doesn't know, he NEEDS to. Maybe they could have a nice bonding activity by looking at apartments together.

If you're adventurous, have wild sex in the middle of the living room when SD is out but expected home any minute. Let her walk in on that. I speak from experience here. I don't know which kid heard us and left. Don't care. Never happened with any of them again. And it's still hilarious to me, even if it was MY kid.

Wow. Give her notice...maybe a date 2 months from now. That's generous. On that date, put her stuff outside n change the locks. Queen Bee power! If she causes a scene call the police. 

The whole thing is that these daddys don't want to rock the boat and have a straight up talk with their little princesses (or princes). 

In ex's case, he was too spineless to sit down and have a conversation with her about her future, launching etc. On the rare occasions that he skirted around the topic, she would immediately throw a tantrum, cry, scream and shout "You are trying to get rid of me" and then storm off to her bedroom. 

I said to him, when she does that, follow her! Stand in her bedroom doorway, keep your tone calm and level, and say that this needs to be discussed now.

He would say, oh no it's too much hassle or it's not worth the aggravation....

For me, the SD was 20.

Like all children in the house she had chores because DW did not want to charge rent. SD was working full time and then doing Cheer in the evenings and it got to the point that I would hear " When am I suppose to do these chores, I work all day"

So I installed a lock on her room and simply locked it when the chores were not done, so when she arrived home at 9 PM her room was locked and would only be unlocked once the chores were done to my satisfaction. This was the tipping point for her and she decided to move out.

Odd as she only had 1 chore a day, now she lives alone and has all the chores every day. Who knows.