Now that the brats are adults, how are yours surviving in the game we call *life*?
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My SD's (PASed out on narcissistic sociopath BM's koolaid, and the nuts do not fall far from the tree) are not completely out on their own. They both are self-absorbed and entitled, and have never accepted any kind of responsibility for their actions, it's always been someone elses fault.
One of mine is married and living with mommy (BM) while her husband works to support them (yes, at mommy's house). My other is in college and lives at mommys when she's not in school. Both have never had to be responsible for bills, etc. *YET*.
Just curious if any of you out there have any skids over 18 and how they are managing life on a daily basis. Do they have a hard time holding down jobs or keeping relationships?
Well, my dear loser of a SS18
Well, my dear loser of a SS18 graduated high school. Promptly entered a career in dealing drugs (because it was easier than college or a real job). He has currently been shipped off to live with his biological father (DH had adopted him while married to BM) where he lives for free and does NOTHING all day long but I don't think he is dealing as he is in a new community. Well, he isn't dealing yet - he seems to attract the worst specimen to be friends with. Supposedly he is "looking" for a job (it's been months) and is starting community college next semester (I'll believe it when I see it.) but how that is getting paid for is a mystery. So, SS18 is doing nothing except bouncing from house to house of any type of parental figure he knows that will accept him. Since his biodad was uninvolved in his life I think he might be able to milk that situation for a long time if he plays his cards correctly. Who knows.
To specifically answer your questions - SS cannot even get a job to "hold down" because he has no work experience since BM refused to let him have a job in high school. Also, he is unmotivated and entitled so he probably isn't applying for jobs that are his skill level and thinks he should be making big bucks. As far as relationships go - his actions have him currently with no relationship with myself or DH, BM's SO won't let him live there either - so I would say, yes he is struggling with relationships with anyone who expects something out of him. By the way, BM still tells him how proud she is of him. FOR WHAT?
OSD and her FH totalled their
OSD and her FH totalled their car last December, and were without wheels. She was planning on getting married (which she did, this last summer), my DH had an extra vehicle, which he said he would give her as part of his wedding contribution (he doesn't make much $$). Sure as shit, in June this year she announced, as she was verbally abusing him, that the vehicle he gave her was "owed" to her, and she somehow had the illusion dear daddy wasn't going to contribute a dime to her wedding. He ended up sending 1k 3 days before, but she still didn't include him in it.
YSD is partying it up in college....will be interesting to see how she makes it through. She also can't hold a boyfriend cause she thinks she can manipulate them and verbally abuse them like her BM did (to my DH during their marriage). She even once had the balls to tell me "boys/men are so easy to manipulate"....the WOW alarm went off. I realized BM has been teaching her own daughters how to use and abuse men (well, I guess it's easy when she's a sociopath with no conscience). I really have to wonder if both my SD's have any, if not all of BM's personality disorders. Time will tell. For now, I'd say YES.
Wow, your SD didn't include
Wow, your SD didn't include her dad in the wedding but expected him to pay for it?
Mine are gradually working their way out of the swamp they plunged into along with BM after the divorce. SD has always been difficult (arrested for fighting, almost didn't graduate, loses jobs, BFs and friends like dirty underwear because of her verbal abuse, got pregnant out of wedlock by a real loser). She and baby still live with BM and shows no signs of moving out. In fact, she just took over her brother's room for baby. She went to trade school and is now employed. She treats her dad OK but when she visited recently, she got verbally abusive again. Stayed too long! I snapped at her and then she cried. She has issues and I hope she gets treatment someday.
SS was another case. Repeated 8th grade 2x due to truancy and not doing his work. BM is a slacker mom. Finally he had to go to court for truancy (child in need of services how humiliating) and got arrested for pot and got DUI and arrested two other times for underage drinking. He was sent to charter school and made up 2 grades and now will graduate with class. Halleluyah! He's good to DH but hasn't made much effort to come see him or anything (his fine money would have paid for about six trips). We spend enough just visiting them 2x a year.
So it's a mixed bag. DH was the parent and when he left it was party time and the reality show lifestyle at that house. BM regressed to an 18 year old level and still neglects the house and kids when she has a BF. Recently there was a fire and she was 100 miles away and didn't pick up her calls. Another event was she didn't pick up SS's medicine for 5 days when he had an infected burn. He ended up with pneumonia and in the ER while she was--you guessed it, at BF's.
But you couldn't blast those kids out of there if you tried. I'm glad but sad for DH sometimes.
"Wow, your SD didn't include
"Wow, your SD didn't include her dad in the wedding but expected him to pay for it?"
YES.
The car he gave her was worth $2,000 (and he'd planned on giving her another $1,000 cash). He wanted to give her the option to either sell the car and use the cash towards the wedding, or keep the car and get $1,000 cash from him. It all turned and blew up in his face. Somehow PASed BM convinced her that the car was really "owed" to her and not part of his contribution, so she was pissed off enough to blow up in his face and refused to talk to him. He finally, at last hope, decided to just mail her the $1,000 three days before the wedding in hopes that she'd include him. NOPE, she didn't.
Somehow through all the verbal abuse against her dad, she seemed to believe, my income was to be part of her wedding too. Sorry bitch, you can't treat me like the daddy-door-mat and EVER expect me to give you another dime for anything. You're NOT my SPAWN.
It's AMAZING to me how these
It's AMAZING to me how these entitiled adult brats will CASH their daddy's checks (for b-days, Christmas, Weddings, WHATEVER) and REFUSE to have a relationship with him.
WTF do you call these animals???!!! Cause they ARE NOT human beings.
Oh, well, she saw us spending
Oh, well, she saw us spending all kinds of money (bought a house and furnishings, etc.)---BUT it came from MY DIVORCE SETTLEMENT. Still, that entitled bitch felt she deserved a chunk.
Her and her sister are just control freaks with daddy, and if he doesn't lay down his sack for them to wipe their feet on, they verbally abuse and emotionally blackmail, and finally completely disengage. Nice way to treat their dad, huh?
HE'S NOT! He graduated from
HE'S NOT! He graduated from HS in May, turned 18 a few months ago and pretty much done nothing to launch since. Since graduation he vacationed with my parents and his cousins (my bro's kids), had his final court ordered visitation with the SpermIdiot and the SpermClan, vacationed with his mom, her family and I, and successfully wrestled out sofa in to complete and absolute submission.
He has filled out a single on-line application to Wal-Mart though he has not hiked his happy butt up to our local retail Mecca to make application to the several fast food places and other businesses there though his mom and I do ask nightly.
He has made no effort to apply to a trade school, community college or university. Though his mom and I ask about it nightly.
He has recently sworn in to the AirForce delayed entry program. He studied his butt off for the ASVAB and scored exceptionally well on the test. He is now studying for the Linguistics test and will hopefully qualify for the Armed Forces Language School for two years of training. Now that he is the darling of the recruiter’s office he is getting excited about his AF opportunity. None of the AF stuff would have happened if not for his mom and I staying constantly on his ass.
If he makes a quality effort in the AF he may earn his way back on the mom and dad college scholarship program. I am confident that eventually he will get it figured out and become a man of standing in his community.
If I can keep his mom from strangling him in the mean time.
Best regards,
There's hope for him
There's hope for him Rags.
And your posts always amuse me.
Nellie
DUP
DUP
How is my "adult" SS18
How is my "adult" SS18 surviving? Well let's see... He did manage to graduage HS this summer without any help (i.e. sleeping with teachers/principals/administrators) from BM. I think that's been his biggest accomplishment.
BM got him his 1st job. He quit. DH got him his next job. He quit that too. He is now "looking for work" which equates to being a bum. He's living with his GF in her dad's basement, rent-free of course.
The only bills he has ever been responsible for are car insurance and cell phone. He constantly harrasses his Gma's to give him money because he's broke. See my last blog about SS getting MIL to pay for 2 months of car insurance at Thanksgiving. He waited until the cell bill was due to tell me that he can't afford it and he wants to cancel his service (he's on our family plan) so now I have to cover that $100.
My SS won't know what real survival is until both of his Gma's are gone and he has no one else to turn to.
LOL! Their "adulthood" is a
LOL! Their "adulthood" is a joke....
SS26 has a part time job, spends most of his time NOT working, yet has all kinds of money to spend. Going nowhere with his nowhere friends, FAST.
SD24 didn't graduate from high school, lives with baby-daddy in a trailer park, making babies on our tax dollars.
Both have WONDERFUL tattooes. I'm just so proud...NOT!!!!!!
Your Skids sound a lot like
Your Skids sound a lot like my SIL. Out of wedlock spawn so the taxpayers will pay the hospital bill then back to college to load up on another $50K in gov't subsidized loans. She does not have a snowball's chance in hell of ever actually graduating. School for her is an income stream.
They even bought a house on the Obama bucks first time homebuyers $8K program. It is only a matter of time before that place is back on the HUD auction block.
She works for an elderly couple and pays no taxes on her income. She is going to blow a gasket when H&R Block tell her how much she is going to owe in taxes in April.
And somehow she and her now DH can afford some great art work on their various body parts. :?
Your BKs are a product of a
Your BKs are a product of a great mom/dad
Congratulations on your great kids.
All kids should have parents like you and dh.
@Rags- Has he passed MEPS yet
@Rags-
Has he passed MEPS yet and what was his ASVAB scores?
Yep, he has been through
Yep, he has been through MEPS. He did MEPS the week prior to Thanksgiving.
His gross ASVAB score was in the 96th percentile.
I could look at his score sheet if you want the breakdown and his technical scores. There were different codes for the Army, Navy/CG, Marines and AF that I had to look up on-line to figure out. Over all his scores looked pretty good regardless of which service I looked at.
Other than having to take the Linguistics test the only MOS I found that he did not qualify for with just the ASVAB was the Navy Nuke program. He missed that by 4pts across several sub sections of the ASVAB but could take the Nuke test to qualify if he wanted go that route.
My understanding is that 96th percentile is pretty good. The AF recruiters are pretty excited about getting him in to the Linguistics program. Apparently that is currently the hardest area to get qualified candidates for and there is a significant need for them at this time.
I will update when he takes the Linguistics proficiency test.
I just hope when he goes in that he keeps his head out of his butt and makes a concerted adult effort of his AF enlistment. He is a very nice kid who needs some significant structure, discipline and time to mature.
Cross your fingers, knock on wood, sacrifice a goat, whatever you think will work for him/us.
Rags, just FYI: I scored in
Rags, just FYI:
I scored in the 99th percentile on the ASVAB back 10 years ago. I scored a 125 on the Defense Language Aptitude Battery. I went to the Defense Language Institute for 63 weeks of Arabic, starting in May of 2001. I graduated on 12 September 2002.
I haven't touched that language in the 8 years since graduation. It was a good time - tough school, but quite the party on the off hours.
Do keep us updated; depending on where he lands after that, I may end up being his boss. There are few enough of us and I've been in joint (all services) billets since the beginning.
99th percentile! Wajid
99th percentile! :jawdrop:
Wajid Zane Sidiq.
My Skid will do well on the DLAB also Insh-Ala'h.
Right now he is basking in the glow of his high ASVAB score and his date for the DLAB is bukrah baad bukrah. He is studying some resource books that the recruiter recommended so I am hopeful that he does well enough on the DLAB to get the school.
I truly hope you are his boss. Having a strong, demanding professional mentor who is not his mom or dad would do him some good.
Best regards,
Oddly, both my entitled adult
Oddly, both my entitled adult brats have always been 4.0 students, and the youngest was responsible with her job at the local pizza joint, so it will be hard for me to tell if they will sink or swim in the game of life.
It seems to me that most of
It seems to me that most of the young people is girls that think they shouldn't have to pay anything. And think that mommy or daddy should pay for everything. Don't get me wrong there are plenty of boys that do this but it just seems as though most are girls???? So glad I don;t have a step daughter!! I think I would have killed her by now!
Re: Adults Skids In a
Re: Adults Skids
In a nutshell, just like you all, tried everything, was a great SM, still the evil SM.
I've changed my tune, become hard after all these years.
I decided after 17 years, if that's all I am and this is how I'm treated, I think I'll have some fun with this...run with it, live up to your title! You'll have a lot less resentments and when you are attacked, at least it's legitimate. That's how you play it.
Evil stepmother lessons?
1. Disengage;
2. Shut down the bank of SM/Dad;
3. Limit $$ on gifts;
4. Don't invite them over except for ceremonial holidays; in fact, you can on occasion fake illness and not go somewhere with DH that they invited you too (especially if they invited you to be their entertainment and humiliate you --- if you know what I mean);
5. Spend like-to-like, he spends $1000 on his kids, you spend $1000 on your kids (or self) don't announce it, just DO IT;
6. Be selfish, just like DH and skid(s) are.
My best advice is like-to-like when dealing with adult skids (children are another matter). With adult skids, I will not take the higher ground and be the "mature" adult, that creates an unlevel playing field...ADULT skids have no higher ground when they hate you (for whatever reason) and forget reasoning...neither does a DH that doesn't support his wife and won't reason (or play fair) so throw reasoning and emotions and that quaint "take the higher ground guilt trip" and throw it out the window...they will use this against you...just do what yeah gotta do to protect your own family, peace of mind, household and marriage, just do it, don't ask for permission, don't back down.
Free of resentment, skid(s) and DH have new found respect for me if nothing else.
End of Story.
Silverstone~ YES---I've
Silverstone~
YES---I've already....
1) Disengaged - COMPLETELY (ZERO CONTACT EVER) as a matter of fact, if those brats ever start a relationship with daddy-doormat again, he is to have relations far far far away from me. I never have to let them back in my house or be around me. I never have to be a part of their b-days, OR holidays. That will be entirely up to him.
2) Shut down MY BANK - I'm the bread-winner in our household (make double what DH makes) and I've made it VERY CLEAR if those bitches can't be nice to me, they can rely on daddy-doormat to help them out (and THEY KNOW how little they'll get from him)
3) No more gifts. PERIOD. (that goes without saying regarding disengaging)
4) No more visits or invites to my house. Up to DH to make arrangements to get together with them outside of our house. His kids, his problem. His deal to do holidays, b-day get-togethers. Never me a participant again.
5) He's not going to be able to do much for them, so I don't have to worry about the even-steven. As a matter of fact, I do more ($$) anyway for my own bios.
6) Yep, I am thinking about ME (my DH), MY Children, and MY family. Screw his relatives.
FORTUNATELY, my DH has come to realize (after reading Stepmonster), he SHOULD HAVE put our marriage first and the kids revolve around it. That saved our relationship, and we have been able to rebuild what was severly damaged by the entitled SD brats.
sd19 is still living across
sd19 is still living across the country, with her boyfriend. she threw a tantrum when she changed her wedding plans to wanting to marry in europe and didnt get the financial support she expected from it....so she's been busy alienating just about everyone from her life....except dh. she's coming here in january and dh told her she could stay with us. that will bring a chaos like no other.
ss17.5 is officially flunking out of school now. still no driver's license, no job, no responsibilities and is currently looking at a future of living in our basement forever.
the guilty parenting is really working well!
My lazy 26 year old stepson
My lazy 26 year old stepson is living on the streets, has been for the past 2 years. My 24 year old stepson graduated form college and is traveling and working his way around the world. That one will be OK.