Once Again, She is Back and Looking for Things
I posted about this step going after the will and other things.
Well, she called today which is surprising because we never hear from her unless she wants something. I quipped to hubby that she is probably looking for something for her son. Sure enough.
SD starts off sweet talking about how she is trying to keep in contact with us at least once a week but keeps forgetting or being too busy. After a few minutes of BS she strikes. She wants us to give her son, the one that just bought his first home, our lawnmower and gas grill. After all, it is time for H to start having someone cut the lawn instead of doing it himself! And, she will be over Saturday to pick them up.
I had her pegged and had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. H. told her NO, emphatically NO. I added that she should come up here once a week and cut the lawn with OUR mower rather than hire something, that is what someone that gave a carp about us would do. (called it as I saw it as Rags would say) She didn't like that got off the phone quickly.
Thought H would be upset about what I said but he wasn't. He actually said I was correct about the reason for her call!
This is the kind of thing I had talked to my Doctor about. I am wondering whether to tell him or just mark it down since she didn't get anywhere. But she keeps trying. Wonder if I should chain down the grill so it doesn't disappear like other things she wanted have.
Last year H bought a 0-turn lawnmore. I think it makes much more sense for her to offer to come and cut the grass for us using OUR mower instead of having to hire someone. He isn't giving that up. Right now it is his pride and joy, so to speak.
As for the grill, I grilled chicken breasts outside today because it was so nice.
Really, doesn't have time to help us out when we need help, but has no qualms trying to get things from us for free.
You know, H actually said that he was hurt
that she called looking for the mower and grill. That is the first time he has ever admitted anything like that.
Maybe, now that he is having more and more health issues, he is realizing that he can't depend on her for anything even though she is his daughter. I imagine that must be a terrible thing to realize.
As I wrote when she first went after him about the will, she wanted 3 separate wills - one for him, one for me, and one if we died at the same time just to secure that SHE would get everything. She is not interested in medical power of attorney etc., just what she gets. At this time it is NADDA.
You do have wills and POA's and all of that locked down, right?
You do have will and POA's and all of that locked down, right? And, yes, I'd lock up both the grill and the lawn mower!
Yep
That is taken care of but I keep an eye on H because wills are subject to change if she can get to him and he is haing a bad day.
We have been married over 30 years and because he was a good father and paid his child support, I had more than he did. Most of what we have we accumulated together.
Yes.
"I imagine that must be a terrible thing to realize."
Think of all the years of denial, even though he likely 'knew'. Perhaps that glimmer of hope is finally gone, is he crushed inside or is it a relief to finally admit it? He really needs compassion right now.
Thank you for this important reminder! So many times I have to remind myself to be compassionate towards my DH's feelings. As an outsider, who has studied human behavior for over 30 years, my 'vision' is pretty clear. Having no bond or 'warm fuzzies' with OSD, for example, I tend to be pretty clinical about what I see. It isn't the same for him, because even though he knows I'm likely right, it's still his child...and it hurts.
You know Trudie, I really
You know Trudie, I really tried with her. This is not a case of just because she is a step I dislike her. This is a case of when someone shows me what they are, I believe them.
We have been in this house for 14 years and not once has she ever taken us out for a burger, an ice cream, anything.
Her Father could use help as he has great difficulty walking, heart and severe lung issues but alais she is too busy, EXCEPT when she made it to the hospital that time to try to get him to change his will. And a few weeks later tried to sweeten me up about the same.
As I say, when you show me what you are I believe it rather than what you tell me. If she hasn't done a darn thing for us in 14 years there is notlhing to show that she will be any different in the future. And she proves that all the time.
You betcha. Funny, I know
You betcha. Funny, I know what she is like so well I nailed what her call would be about.
It is interesting…
...how we, as outsiders, can 'see' so clearly. So many times what we 'see' isn't favorable either.
Keep your shite locked up.
Keep your shite locked up. The nerve of her.
Have a security camera
Have a security camera trained on the mower and grill and if she steals either article, take the footage to the police and treat the situation as the theft that it is.
My inlaws are in their 80's..
My inlaws are in their 80's... and now we pitch in with my BIL to pay for their lawncare.. it was getting to be too much for them. We have like 8 acres of our own to mow.. so it just wasn't going to be feasible for us to mow theirs too (plus we don't have a good trailer for our mower).. and their mower was at the point of replacement..
My parents would offload things to us when they didn't want them any longer.. like my mom's car when she stopped driving.. but we would have never suggested that they give something to us that we actually were USING.
Now.. if she wanted to buy you a new grill for father's day... and son could have the old one.. fine.
Buy her Father something for
Buy her Father something for Father's Day? You have got to be kidding.
I was kidding.. haha.
I was kidding.. haha.
I'd buy a chain/lock and tie
I'd buy a chain/lock and tie down both and if she does somehow 'get' them w/out you noticing, not only file a report for your 'stolen' objects but make sure she knows it.
Wow
Some things still amaze me in StepHell. This is one of them. Definitely tell your doctor. I remember your post on that conversation with him. He is a mandated reporter so the more he knows, the better he can protect you and your husband as you guys age. I'd also consider getting some cameras. They aren't expensive and provide a lot of security AND proof. I'd get that set up and let that witch know cameras are installed. Make sure things are locked up. I'm sorry you have to deal with this nasty woman.
Thanks Cajun
This is one area whre I do't know if it is important enough to report or just being petty since she didn't get away with it.
If you recall what I talked about, this is how she operates. After this she will disappear again for months and then slink back and try again.
I think I will tell my Doc next time I see him, about this incident. Like you say, he probably knows more about elder abuse/theft than I do. Also, if sometlhing does happen where she is able to get to my H., there is a Doc. record of what was going on with her, if not one where she is reporated.
IMHO.. just a request with no
IMHO.. just a request with no rancor, bullying, browbeating is not necessarily abusive. If she actually comes to take them.. that rises to attempted theft imho. If she accepted the "no thank you, we are still using both".. without too much pushback.. I would jsut be aware of those things and that they don't disappear.
In This Case.....
it wasn't a request. It was a statement that "I'm coming to get the yard equipment on Saturday" that had to be vehemently told NO. And it took both her father and the SM to get her off the phone. This woman has a history of toxic and abusive treatment of her father and the SM. Simply because of that, I stand on letting the doctor know. Paper trail. She will only amp up her abuse as her father and SM age.
We have a new issue starting to show on our board....with many of us coming to the "elderly" years here (including myself and DH), we are beginning to see elder abuse issues by toxic SKs. And the only way you handle that is through documentation and legal help, such as the doctor.