I do not even know where to start... There are so many little instances that it is easy to get off the main track... Sorry to make it this long!
My parents were divorced, and my father was the main caregiver, meaning that I lived with him instead of my mother. He made it clear that he can not and does not want to stay alone once I go to college, have my own family, etc. We had that conversation when I was 13, and shortly after that he moved in with his girlfriend... His girlfriend was his choice (despite of what my mother tried to 'program' me to do) and therefore was beyond my reproach (in my own mind). It was his choice, end of discussion.

I moved to US in my early 20s to further my education,and after a few years was swept off my feet by and married an older man with two daughters. Knowing my own experience as a child of divorce, I gave LOTS of leeway to his two daughters, who were 13 and 15 at the time of our wedding (never should have done that from what I know today, but I was too young then). Never have I attempted to replace their mother, or act as a substitute. If there was an emergency, I was there to help, never requesting anything in return (or expecting anything). I put up with resentment, cross stares, plain speeches to make me shut up, exclusions, etc., etc., etc. I have encouraged and NEVER complained about hubby taking his daughters on vacations to Europe when they were teenagers while I was left behind building our home (acting as a construction manager) and handling a new-born bio-son. There was never any resentment on my part since they were teenagers, and I was not too far gone from that age to remember that one pretty much has no care in the world at that point - I was expecting shitty treatment, and it was all right with me as I was hoping for the grown-up relationship later on. I also thought that it was important for a father to make his daughters feel important, meaningfull to him, and loved, and that could be accomplished through time spent together. Little did I know!
During our 15 years of marriage (longer than with his ex) DH was talking to his kids about me behind my back, and not in the flattering manner... he was attempting to make himself look 'cool'...
Now they are 28 and 30. Have lived with my husband ignoring me for majority of our marriage...there was no time together, no romance, just resposibilities... Every moment of his free time was spent with the two grown women, myself excluded... Last year I started to demand that he spends TWO hours every week with me: not talking about any of the children (be that from his previous marriage or our own). He had dificulty with that demand! During one of the designated adult nights we were at a restaurant, and he was highly unpleasant. When confronted by me, he told me that "you have to try harder". I walked out on him...
He has learned since then that he needs to devote time to me and me alone, and he grew to LOVE it...

My current issue is vacation time. I did not join (have sent the three of them: DH + 2 SDs) on three vacations this calendar year. Hubby wants a x-mas vacation with SDs and myself and our bioson... I can not put myself in close quarters with two 30-yold women who act as if they are still about 15 and expect me to take care of their dad, their half-brother, cooking, being the emotional buffer between them all, etc. and admire them for their antique behavior. I have explained to hubby that I would rather he goes on vacation with SDs and asked him NOT to assume any blame for any of it (after all, I should have set boundaries long ago!).
I do NOT WANT to be forced to interact with the grown brats! DH still does not get that it is a highly uncomfortable situation for me, particularly since they are single and 28 and 30! There is an unhealthy fixation on the father, for crying out loud! High time to have their own interests, families, cariers, children - you name it! There is a whole world out there! Let me be! What do you think?