" REALLY" !!!!!!!!!!!!
OK. so I THOUGHT it was set in motion in BF mind that his kids were not getting anything this year from him because of their nasty behavior and disrespect towards him all year long ( I have previous post regaurding this matter).
Just a fast fill in: No calls on fathers day or holidays or his birthday and they refer to him by first name to other people and not " Dad or Father"....
They bash him and all that stuff to ANYONE who is willing to hear it without knowing BF at all, the " Pitty party"...totally inconsiderate and VERY disrespectful, liars and major story tellers.
Anyways BF tells me he is back to struggling with the issue if he should send money or not, his mother ( who gets the SAME treatment from them) tell BF she hopes he reconsiders " HU" ??????
Hearing this my blood was boiling, here I am mad as hell, and tired of my BF getting treated like crap by his BK and disrespected period. What REALLY set me off is how they refer to him by his first name.
So I told BF well, if you send cards with money then make sure you sighn it off with your first name ( trying to making a valid point here), So I tell BF "Ya know, I am going to call my dad and see what he would do because he is not bias and very fair and honest".
So I call my dad, explain the situation as it is and always has been, He tells me, " I would send them a card, and write in it if you would like to come over and get your gift and be respectful and talk would like to have you over". But do not put money in the card!
My dad said that way BF is putting the ball in their court, and can't complain that BF didn't do this or that, and he said not to mention money just say " A gift". He said those that show up and want to be respectful can have their gift, those that don't show up don't get theirs.
I thought it was a good idea, leaving the option up to them, even tho BF and I both know most likely none would show up. BF told me no he is not going to that because they wont show up he is not going to send a card and write that.
I told BF well just sending money for people that don't respect you and treat you like this is not right, so then he says.." I don't know, I prolly wont be sendng them anything anyways".
I got frustrated inside, because I know he loves his kids, but I am tired of him being the thoughtful one and they live as if he NEVER exsisted. I know BM has alot to do with ALL this behavior but were not dealing with babys here who don't know right from wrong or who are retarted ( I hate to use that word but it is true).
I feel like if he goes through with it he just cosighning it and they continue to think they can KEEP treating their father this way because nothing changes from his end when things come around.
Need advice, sorry so long..
dont understand why he feels
dont understand why he feels the way he does about dong it ths way. This is what I could come up with in my mind:
1. The hurt of no one coming by
2. Bm and BK are all about controlling people and circumstances,
afraid of the way he will be seen in their eyes oe something, I just dont know.
I mean, it can't be any worse then what its been, I feel if he did as my father suggested its saying " I AM your father, and I am not tolerating this behavior so if you exspect anything from me them you have to come here and BE respectful.
He told me it would just turn into a big mess, but honestly I feel like if he did that way he is putting them in ther place and taking a stand at the same time.
And as for them calling him
And as for them calling him by hs first name..it doesn't matter what he does, they continue the disrespect.... This s the problem!
were dealng with ages ( 15 to 19 ), were also dealing with some very angry people here who are not only disrespectful to their father but are a issue with the law, the community, no respect for other people, they make threats ..I mean it goes on and on..just encourageable!
They have NO problem telling ANYONE f*ck you, when they get mad they litraley tare up their mothers house..I mean..it does not matter what BF does and shows how much he cares, their mother favors the girls ages 15 and 16, men and boys are beneath her, the boys honestly barely like their mother but at least show respect to her only cuz she needs them more ( finacially) then they need her.
Its just sick and twisted...really ;/ This family is NOT normal, I have NEVER EVER seen where a family has to prove ther tough, even the mother???? its allabout who can whoop whos ass???
I just dont get it.
I have never seen such mind control and oh lord..it just goes so deep..I could write a book and prolly have it be a best seller.
I am just LOST with this matter.. COMPLETELY lost!
Oh wow SA, I completely
Oh wow SA, I completely agree. The more I got upset by him "dangling the carrot" in front of me (aka, talking about what he wants to do for them, or whatever), the more satisfied he seemed to be to have the "conflict" with me being upset, so that he can "justify" his drive and desire to do what he wanted to do in the first place for them, and yea, I end up looking like shit to him for being the "penny pincher". HE will spend what he wants, and I am to shut the hell up for even questioning him.
Lately, I've been just going along with the stupidity. Pretty much playing the 'yes man' and not showing any frustration whatsoever to him. Sort of deflates his desire to want to pick a fight with me, so he can feel justified in his behavior, and yea, he's missed his OD's first wedding anniversary......I suspect other holidays will follow over the years......especially since we are just in the very beginnings of the lovely adult brats campaign (1.5 years) of "no contact".
I actually kind of like it. The more he pushes, the farther they go away. And some of you have been dealing with these determined whores for years and years........
Quite frankly, I'm going to enjoy the "away time".
The best advice that I could
The best advice that I could give is to let it go and not get involved. They are his kids and it is his relationship with them, not yours. I know that it hurts you to watch him being disrespected, but you have ZERO control over it.
RE: Trystme, You are
RE: Trystme,
You are absolutely right that they are his kids, I been with him over 6 years and nothing has changed.
I have a BS that is 19 and if he had disrespected my BF or me the way hs kids do their lips would be removed from their face.
I have " ZERO" tolerance for addittude and snye gestures and comments.
This does make it hard because the exspectations I have of my BS I also ecspect the same, I am not bias by no means, whats good for one is good for all.
I know things would not be this way if it was not for BM being a hateful bitter b*tch and putting crap in their heads.
This does make it hard for me as for my opnion because I am all BF has, so when he comes to me and asks me I have to be honest, we are partners( as I exspect the same).
Its just not the disrespect with him but I get the brunt of it like most SM on here, I seen to be the exscuse for EVERYTHING and EVERY reason.
Things were always good in front of my face when they wanted money or wanted their dad to buy them something, then its like " Take the knife out of my back because I know you'll need it again".
I smartned up after so many years and decided that I was not going to be used or be a pawn any more for their manipulation, I tolerated things that my own BS would of been swollowing his teeth from " Honestly".
I have no issue disengageing myself from such hatefullness, I have even put my own BS out on the street with all his crap at one point for disrespecting me..my view is two way and I know I am more emotonally equiped to be hard to prove a point and stand my ground, I understand that this is the difference, because I also understand how people act effects the whole unit, the whole household and its very hard to ignore.
I am just disgusted really :/
Your boyfriend is a classic
Your boyfriend is a classic co-dependent enambler.
He keeps hoping that "someday" they will "see the light" and "be nice" and show him respect.
If you have been with him for six years, you know that he has been this way for a long time (even before you two knew each other).
I can understand your frustration, but it would be wise to stay out of it now. You have done your best to get your BF to wake up to good advice, but he is still struggling with what to do.
I would just make sure if he does give them money, etc... that it does not come out of your pocket, or that it causes you two financial hardship.
It is very difficult to watch someone self-destruct, but there is really nothing you can do to force him to change.
The more you talk about it to him, he can come to resent it, even if your input is good.
Your dads advice sounds good, but now it is up to your BF to take all the advice he has been given and either do it or not. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Your next step will be to decide if you really want to live this way?
Hopefully, your BF will not send them money, etc. Just wait and see what he does. If he is like my DH, he will wait until the LAST MINUTE to decide. It drives me nuts, but I have learned to back off and let him have some time to process the information. It has helped, otherwise he feels "flooded" with too much input, and gets flustered. Maybe your BF needs some space now.
Good luck.