Gone For So Long
SD16 stopped coming over around the end of summer, she got her drivers licenece, and we wouldn't let her take her car from our hose to her BM's house. Because SD16 was talking about drinking and driving, and smoking pot and driving. At this point we didn't want to be liable. We have told BM how we think SD should be watch closely and not have as much freedom as she does. But BM thinks we are just party poopers and does not care what SD does. ( I am scared to death SD will cause and accident and it will fall back on us since BM doesn’t like to keep her car insured. Not to sound like a jerk BM has nothing to loose we do, we have a business, a home, and other things they can sue for. BM has nothing.)
She did come over for Christmas of course to get the few gifts we did get her, and she will text every few weeks asking for money. I am to the point with DH that I can't even deal with his games.
I asked if he had talked to her a few days ago, he said he text her but she never writes back, or he tried to call and she ignores him. Well last night SD text asking for money, and DH sends it of course. The entire convo was, "Can you send me $$ " and he sends it then end of convo. No Thank You or any other convo just please be my bank account.
Why is DH such a doormat? Why does SD have to be such a user? We will hear from SD again in a week or two cause of her birthday, I already have her card and $25 amazon gift card ready to go.
Why? Because it works
I have a similar situation here except SD is 60, not a teenager. She calls DH84 and asks for money and he responds. I think he does it because he thinks that's what a good dad does. He is missing that part where a good dad pushes their kid to do for themself. She does it because it works.
I already told him this is
I already told him this is going to cause problems when she gets older. We are not paying for her entire life! He said it makes him mad she ask him, I told him then ignore her. If she doesn't answer his normal convo ignore her money request.
The next step
Here's what happens if your DH ignores money requests. SD will ramp up the emotion, "I'm sick", "I'm depressed", "I dont know what to do", "Everybody hates me", "I cant get a break". My SD managed for years while married, her ex took care of things. Once they split, back to dad's wallet.
ATM Dad
Kind of like a wharehouse Dad, but they dont live with their child.
Hopefully your finances are super-separate.
Hopefully when he sends the cash its not that much.
But seriously - are you supportive of this/ Does he pay child support?
I would really revisit the financial sitch, because these are marital assets going to a skid that doesnt really do anything to have a relationship with her father. And she is being rewarded for doing this.
UGH, and this will NOT get better I promise, because SD22 cries that she doesnt have a relationship with father, yet does nothing to stay connected and complains hes "just good for some cash and a yearly hug". Well do something about it if you want a relationship. Even her sister SD15 had to tell her "well you go off with your friends on Dads bday, and you dont really contact him for anything and he has tried many times to text you to go out"
Oh yeah, and she will later blame you because she doesnt have a relationship with her father.