Ignore her, she ain't worth it. DISENGAGE COMPLETELY FROM HER.... .

SM Mantra "Ignore the whore". It does not mean that the SD is a whore. It's just catchy and rhymes.

But the point is to ignore aholes. Your DH should ignore her aholiness also, but that's on him. You cannot make him do anything. You only have control over yourself and hopefully your home.

Part of ignoring is not to care if they blame things on you as long as your husband doesn't. My SS32 and his GF think I am the original b*tch from hell. I have never done one thing to harm them - my only "crime" is to ignore them and their issues. They should be thankful that I do - the alternative would be to have their asses tossed in jail for their transgressions.

Several months ago when we were out of state for vacation SS and the GF invaded our home (totally uninvited), ransacked my most personal possessions, spent nights here in OUR bed not the guest room, made off with SIX LITERS of alcohol and left pots of dirty grease, etc. Part of me would like to literally wring their heads off - but my reaction is to ban them 100% from my life. They are NEVER allowed anywhere near me. They truly think what they did was no big deal.

I truly have ZERO interest in what these two user/losers think of me or what they say about me. I honestly don't even care if DH still loves his son (he does) as long he does not inflict that POS on me. I don't need DH to ream them out for their despicable actions - I just need him to keep them away from me forever.

Please don't waste time trying to convince your DH that his daughter is not a good person. That rarely works. Just make sure that you don't have to deal with her.

If you have been waiting for 12 years for your DH to "say a few words to her" it's probably not going to happen. Even if he did, it looks like it will have no impact on SD.

What many of us have done is to 'disengage'. There are various degrees of this. Some of us quit trying to please the Skids. We don't engage in conversation with them, just be polite, smile and let the words go in one ear and out the other. DH handles birthdays, Christmas, etc.

Others like me have banned the skids from our homes. DH has the freedom to visit SD just about whenever he wants but I want nothing to do with her. I do not discuss SD with DH. If he brings her up, I will change the subject in a few minutes.

At first it was hard partly because I was so mad at SD for being so hostile and rude, and at DH because he could not seem to find the courage to demand that SD treat me with respect as his wife. Mostly I was mad at myself for being such a doormat. But as time goes on, it gets better and better.

Just as Sandy states, at first I was angry at myself for not recognizing I was being used and hated at the same time-- for just trying to be included. I should have thrown in the hopeful towel long before I did. I understand the messages you received, I received similar, until I stopped listening.

I have accepted my doormat daddeee (DH), will never protect me with respect to his daughter wives; I have to do it myself. I had only a couple of alternatives,either divorce a man whom we otherwise we have a perfect marriage, or get a way from every stinking piece of his sickening buddy enmeshment. I chose the later and now I have zero to do with them and it works. That means NO interaction and no communication; they no longer exist in MY life; he is free to do whatever and whenever as long as NO demands are made on me to do anything. That includes coming to my home, which he allowed them to repeatedly disrespect me in-- without either of us as much as saying one word back, (it should not be my job). It is my job, however, to stay away from toxic people who do not like me. I will never expose myself to the inevitable misery again, and I have also accepted it will never change for me; that might have been the hardest part-acceptance of my reality.

Yes, occasionally I feel left out ( I had envisioned one big happy family too), but not as much as I did when they were around me. This is MUCH better and my life is more peaceful, my marriage is better too. When your husband is this emotionally sick, for whatever reason, you can only protect yourself. He is not going to change or protect you and trust me, you cannot go back for more of it alone, unless you love being gang abused, lol.

And, the posters on this site helped me. I learned I am not alone, my feelings are normal under these crazy circumstances, and to not expect the support a wife normally--would ordinarily have-if their DH had a backbone.

You are in a lose, lose situation whenever people do not want you around or want to include you. You just are...they will find fault with anything if you are even near them. You will say nothing right, cook nothing right, buy nothing right, plan nothing right, gift nothing right, act nothing right, you will never-ever be right...think you get the picture. By the way, the more interaction you have, the more they triangulate. It may be this one now, then later on-- it is these two and then next time somehow--all of them, plus...

Some husbands do come around, mine is likely not one. He knows what is going on because he NEVER says one word about them to me, nor does he ask me to do anything with them either. It it kind of comical, if it were not so true.

Your situation sounds deep too, but only you know what to do, when. If things do not improve and you are dealing constantly with this dynamic, you may need to reevaluate what you are willing to tolerate.

Hope is great, if you have anything to hold on...because peace is your ultimate goal, period.

You, like me, are not much older than your OSD. I am 53; my OSD is 42. That has been a thorn in my OSD's side. My DH is very passive and OSD believes that her father is her property. Then I showed up almost 15 years ago and ruined everything for her.

You will never get her approval so don't try. You also can't convince her father that his DD is not so nice. He has to realize that on his own. Disengage for yourself and and for your marriage, but make sure you set boundaries.....like when daddy's house gets volunteered for a holiday and you are the one that is going to have to do the work.

My DH's eyes were opened to his DD's behavior. It DOES NOT mean that he stopped loving his DD or stopped wanting to spend time with her or his gkids. It means he understands that I do not.

The only way to fix this is for DH to jerk a knot in her tail each and every time she spouts her toxic crap and he needs to do it publically and immediately when she pulls that crap.

No more tolerance of her crap or it never ends.

If he won't, then you will have to do it.

IMHO of course.

Good luck.

Perhaps flat out telling your DH exactly how you feel about the disrespect and how it affects your relationship with him. That's what I did with my DH. Ask him if he ever spoke to his parents that way and what would his parent's of done or said back? Ask him if his father would of let his mother be disrespected like that without saying anything? Come up with some good comments to fire back at the b$!($ when she starts. Then sit back and let her make an a$$ of herself in front of everyone while you just stay calm and polite.

Not sure if you still have to host Xmas and if you want to at your house. But, if that were me and the adult skids or anyone pulled the same stuff and volunteered our home, I would put the cabosh on that asap. They never asked you ahead if time and just planned it. Total disrespect for you and your DH.

Good luck

You are quite the trooper to just be agreeing to spend your vacation in the same destination as your SD! I too have a motorhome, and I have it just for the simple fact that I will NEVER have to sleep in a strange bed again and worry about the possibility of bed bugs and only GOD knows what else. You stick to your guns, honey.

Your DH my agree with you on some issues here; but they tend to pacify us where skids are concerned.

If you have a direct problem with the control, take the reins and stop it on the spot. I finally had to do this and it works like a charm with DH too. When my DH saw that I was no longer going to attend family events with BM and I was no longer going to tolerate SD56 controlling my life, my home, and my conversation; he saw the light, without me saying a word to him. The more I expected my DH to see the light, the less he even tried to understand.

Just take your issues up directly with the problem creator. It works like a charm. No harsh words, just set the rules, let SD know them, then stand your ground.

I look at it as, I am the Alpha Female here; my SD56 nor my SGD32 (mother/daughter) are going to take that position in my marriage, my home, or my marked territory. It keeps the record straight and forward.

I love it, these toxic women are mad and hate me even more. You see, they hate me anyway and want nothing but drama; I took the drama out of it, when I stated my position. I now ignore them, they are nothing to me. With that said, I will hold the door open any time to let them out with a haunting silence.

No big scene in doing this, just do it in a quiet, polite manner.

((((hugs))))

Yuck! Your DH needs to grow a backbone. I'm surprised the LMFT didn't question why he lets his daughter tell him what to do. He acts like the child and his daughter the parent. He's not embarrassed that his daughter was going to lecture him over a new car?

What's his relationship like with his mother? He sounds like someone who is used to feeling sheepish and getting pushed around by women. If that's the case, maybe he'd benefit from personal counseling.

I don't have any great advice, but I'm in a similar situation, not with skids, but with DH'/s family. They love to plan things at the last minute and expect all of us to drop everything and go. I've told DH that I think that's disrespectful and I won't abide. I even sent him off on his own because I wasn't about to cancel my plans to go. BM is the same way - everything is coming up "last minute" and she expects DH to accommodate. We've had some big fights over that. The only thing I focus on is maintaining my own boundary. It helps me feel a little better, but man it's a struggle.

There is a wonderful author, his name is Larry Winget.  He is an extremely assertive individual, and he has a great book titled Grow A Pair, I have a copy for me because I still need to grow a pair at times.  I think your DH needs to read this book and take it to heart.  I bet you could find it at a used book store for less that the price of a new one.  It is a great book,