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SD it is what it is

Newimprvmodel's picture

Submitted by Newimprvmodel on Sun, 09/04/2022 - 10:41am

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Adult Stepchildren

SD and her fiancé requested going this weekend to a big cultural event near our home. Of course we bought the tickets. Ugh.  Pretty pricy. 
They live about 5 hrs away but their visits are months apart, they never stay more than 2 nights. Excuse is always sports practice? Which apparently they only use when they visit us because they travel all the time to exs family for days on end. Whatever. DH never makes the connection.  While 
driving in the car last night they were discussing Thanksgiving plans amongst themselves as they sat in the back seat. Preliminary and conversation was like yeah we should fly and see so and so friends but no mention of my DH and it was so hurtful as they have not spent a holiday together in the past 15 yrs. Does she think her Dad has no feelings?

my dad is being buried tomorrow. Really just me DHand my adult kids. Oh and ex going as well. 
So many emotions. But acceptance is sinking in. I've always tried to please others make it right. 
I realize SD will never be more than superficial short and sweet visits. And the visit was not stressful. I didn't cook and cater. I sat back and it was ok. 

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Sun, 09/04/2022 - 10:54am

Crappy timing on her part.

I'll be sending you all the positive vibes I have in store tomorrow. Try to focus on the happy times.

(((((HUGS)))))

JRI's picture

Submitted by JRI on Sun, 09/04/2022 - 11:01am

I give you credit for even being in the car with them all, I might have been in bed crying before a funeral.  Yes, acceptance of reality is the only way.

"Mental health is an ongoing dedication to reality at all costs".

I'm sorry for your loss.

Catmom024's picture

Submitted by Catmom024 on Sun, 09/04/2022 - 6:41pm

Yup.  It is what it is. That finally became my motto a few years ago.  

Condolences on your father's passing. 

Birchclimber's picture

Submitted by Birchclimber on Mon, 09/05/2022 - 9:10pm

Acceptance is a very calming virtue.   Step parents should learn to master the shoulder shrug and the deep sigh early on in our relationships, to help lessen the inevitable skid induced anxieties that lie ahead.

My condolences to you on the loss of your father.  Hugs...

grannyd's picture

Submitted by grannyd on Tue, 09/06/2022 - 9:27am

Aw, Newimprvmodel,

I'm so sorry about your father's passing! My Dad is in his nineties and I'm grateful for every day that my sibs and I continue to be blessed with his presence. I can well imagine the misery and loss that you're feeling right now; sending the biggest ((((HUGS)))) that the internet can muster.