SD picking up all her stuff, how to handle the situation
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So we kicked SD20 out on Tuesday. She just called DH and said she was coming on Saturday to pick up her things. I really don't want to be there, because I know she is going to run her mouth and I may just lunge at her. However, If I am not there, I have to worry about her stealing stuff. I am trying to see if DH can get the house key from her beforehand, so we can just leave her stuff on the curb like trash, but this may not be doable since we cut her phone and she does not have one. How would you handle this? Would you stay home and stay in the distance? I KNOW she will say something, she always does. I have a hard time saying nothing since this has been 17 years of abuse from this person. Any suggestions?
I would definitely stay home
I would definitely stay home to supervise. Hell, I'd provide the boxes and help her sort and pack. Make yourself a promise to not verbally engage with her. Buy yourself a new sparkly, or treat yourself in some other way if you successfully get through the day without bloodshed.
Even if you and she do get into it, still treat yourself because, at the end of it all, she's gone!! Woot!!
I would leave it out in the
I would leave it out in the yard and have a lock smith come out this WEEK and change all the locks.
I would be there so she
I would be there so she doesn't steal. As far as the lippy talk, I would have a friend/witness there so she's more likely to be on better behavior. Someone she doesn't want to make an ass of herself in front of.
Even if I change the house
Even if I change the house lock, she still has gate card (private development) and mailbox key which I need to get back. I was just thinking plastic garbage bags, screw the boxes, I don't want to have to collect them for her...
contact the post office and
contact the post office and request a hold on your mail, say that your key has been stolen and you have to work on getting a new box.
Id box her stuff up, so she
Id box her stuff up, so she minimizes the amount of time in your home. Def need to be there though, so she doesn't steal or damage anything..
Also, change the locks. Even if you get the key back, no telling if she made another copy.
I didn't think of the copying
I didn't think of the copying the key... It's a sliding glass door she has a key to, so far, I have been putting the bar in the door so she can't get into the house. I still need to get back mailbox key and security gate card.
i've had my stuff put out on
i've had my stuff put out on the driveway in the pouring rain by my ex and locks changed. it hurts. don't hurt her. just don't. just let her get her stuff, stay close by and don't say meanful things. treat yourself afterward for being the better person. my ss18 is supposed to come by this weekend too to get his stuff. he was supposed to come by twice now and had no help. it bugs me but i also know it's painful being kicked out.
If she didn't lie, manipulate
If she didn't lie, manipulate or steal from us, she wouldn't be out. I don't try to hurt her, it's the other way around. I don't care if she has help or not. I'm more worried about my stuff, my house, my feelings at this point than hers. People get kicked out for a reason, not because they are model citizens.
Yep, bag up all her stuff and
Yep, bag up all her stuff and change the locks. Tell her that her stuff is in the yard. Period.
Yes...it is your
Yes...it is your home...please stay. Call the police department and have them supervise her pick up. If someone doesn't like it...too bad.
Be there so she can't steal
Be there so she can't steal anything. But, don' be vengeaful about her stuff. Pack it up and give it to her. Be the bigger person.
I would stay. I'd also pack
I would stay. I'd also pack it ALL up for her, but leave it in her room and not outside. If it's all packed ahead of time she can grab it and go, without spending unnecessary time in your home picking and choosing what she wants to take (and leaving behind all of her garbage). It also ensures she won't need to come back later for things she missed. Change the lock, ask for a new lock to be placed on mailbox, and have her gate key deactivated. Don't bother telling her you did any of it, it will just cause a fight.
I fully agree with
I fully agree with flabbergasted, it will force you to be in control as well as her.
I agree. This is your home -
I agree. This is your home - prove it. The minute she walks in, say before you start your packing, I need the key and the card key from you. If she says she forgot it. Then tell her to go and get it and when she comes back she can pack. Do not take no for an answer - no matter how abusive she is.
Have her crap pre-boxed and ready to go - it will make your the visit shorter.
STAND UP FOR YOURSELF - it is your life, marriage, house!