SD20 invited DH to a rock concert
DH told me yesterday that SD got free tickets to a rock concert and invited him. He likes the band and wants to go with SD20. SD20 is not allowed in our home because of how she treated me in the past, and lies she has told to get things from us. DH wanted to try to have a relationship with her again after they had a falling out, and I agreed this was fine, as long as she doesn't come in our house. I don't want to have a relationship with her because I don't trust her. She is a reckless person who only cares about herself, and is very manipulative.
Now I am stressing myself out because I wonder what she is up to. Also, I don't want DH to take our only car and possibly have it broken into. Just wanted to get your opinions. I might just be overly suspicous of her due to her past. I really can't stand her, and I don't want her to get DH into any trouble with her antics.
As long as he agrees to
As long as he agrees to maintain your boundary of seeing her outside the home.. I'm not sure I would read too much into this.
If she knows his interest in the band.. and she got free tickets.. it doesn't seem totally off base she might invite him.. also maybe she could use him for a ride.. buying her a shirt.. food.. drinks.. etc?
Is the concert venue/location crime ridden? If you truly have a concern for the safety of your only vehicle..and aren't just trying to throw up roadblocks to him attending.. then let him know he will have to figure out a rideshare.. or some other option to get there.
Are you concerned that SD could bring illegal drugs with her? maybe that's a reason to ask your car not beused too.
Otherwise.. he takes normal precautions.. doesn't leave valuables in sight.. not sure why a concert would be overly risky.. assuming they would have some security.
Probably what she's up to is
Probably what she's up to is she wants a ride to the concert and someone to pay for parking and buy her stuff while there. She also might not have anyone else to ask to go with her - does she have a lot of friends?
As for the car, how far away is the concert? Is it at a regular venue where they have paid parking and security? If so, I wouldn't worry too much about the car. If the car belongs to both of you, I'm not sure how you tell him he can't take the car, unless you have a legitimate need for it at the same time or he is planning on street parking in a neighborhood where crime is an issue.
Understand
Believe me -- I DO understand. If you own part of the car I can see why you would feel the way you do. You probably feel like you are partially funding the outing with the Daddy / daughter bonding - and you are. As the other posters have commented, if the venue is in a dangerous place for your car to be, ask that DH go by Uber or equal.
Otherwise, this is one of those situations most of us SMs have been through, where there is no clear win-win situation for us. Yes, it is important, even as an adult, to have quality time with your parent. It is also important to assure your partner that they are the most important person in your life, and relay the message to their children. Apparently your DH has not convinced you that this is the case. I think he has a lot fo work to do BEFORE he goes to the concert. Good luck with this.
Not sure about the venue
Yes, I am worried about her bringing illicit drugs, but since she is over 18 it shouldn't affect DH. Also, yes its our only car and I'm not sure about the venue. The city I originally thought it was in is a nightmare for vehicle crime: catalytic converters being stolen in broad daylight, shootings, homeless camps with stolen cars everywhere, ... but I just found out its not being held there. Thank goodness. I am probably just accustomed to worrying when he brings her up, given her past shi**y history. DH knows the rules, and he will be handling the insurance deductible, etc if the car gets damaged. I have rental coverage, so I should chill out. I just can't stand her. She is such a rotten turd.
the only issue is that if she
the only issue is that if she does have illegal drugs.. could the car be siezed by authorities. and that wouldn't be covered? but that may be a small probability I guess.
DH is her guest. She can drive her car.
Keep it simple.
Quit putting so much thought into any of this. Just state how it will be and don't give either of them more space in your head than absolutely necessary.
DH is her guest. She can drive her car.
Keep it simple.
Quit putting so much thought into any of this. Just state how it will be and don't give either of them more space in your head than absolutely necessary.
Many years ago…
On the rare visits from SD's (both live far away), I would let them ride in passenger seat to be closer to Dad for their short stay. Fast forward to this last decade - fortunately we see them even less but they ride in back seat. Had a horrible feeling one might try to grab steering wheel and wreck car - because they drool in their evil dreams of inheritance. I trust my intuition - Not Today Satan!! Not Today!
But you need the car, don't you?
I'd let them go rock out in peace. I would however have an important use for the car beginning a couple of hours before they're supposed to leave. I might be mean enough to neglect to mention that need until I was pulling out of the driveway.
Just how I roll.