Well if it's not one things it's another. After going quite a while of showing no interest in DH, last night YSS calls to ask his Dad for money and lets him know he's starting community college in January. We haven't seen YSS in person in 6 months and he's less than an hour away from us. I have watched my DH grieve this relationship then he pipes up he'll do what he can for this son knowing he's had to take a pay cut from work that was the equivalent of this grown child dropping off child support. At times I feel like I'm truly being punished. If DH goes on and gives his son the money, I get to pay what doesn't get paid on bills. Before DH lost hours at work we had talked of helping YSS with what came back to us in child support but not a huge lump sum. YSS is looking into student loans, grants and the like. He still does NOT have a car and we are still ticked he got his girlfriend this nice diamond necklace for their one year dating anniversary as he should've had priorities on saving money for a car and college since he decided to not go through with entering the U.S. Navy (he would be in basic training in March 2010).

I feel like DH's son is throwing his life away for some girl who will go off to a college 3 hours away and forget about him once she's established there. He talks of marrying her in 7 years but I really don't know that many people in late teens that date that long then marry. Currently YSS's girlfriend is a Senior in high school and he graduated May 2009. I realize from therapy I can't control the situation but I don't want to feel a financial pinch because my husband is impressed this is his only child who's truly made an effort to pursue college and wants to stick with it. 3 of his 6 children dropped out of high school and only 2 of those got their GEDs.

I still don't have all the facts but it's tough. Before DH married me he was piss poor and I feel like I've made his life better while the crap from his children have made my life nothing but stressful. The sense of entitlement these children have is beyond my comprehension. Today in my therapy session the therapist compared my stepchildren to the leeches in the Chevy Chase National Lampoon Christmas Vacation movie. Remember Cousin Eddie coming for an unexpected visit and expecting Clark to provide for his entire family to have a nice Christmas with a convenient long list while out shopping at Wal-Mart? It feels like my life! My therapist got a huge kick out of the brownie box story from YSD and couldn't stay professional but burst out in laughter. When I told her YSD is too lazy to walk across the street to take her son to a pediatrician appointment because it would mean more steps to the crosswalk, she just shrugged. I told YSD today I won't be giving her any rides in 2010 unless I offer to help her out. I'm tired of feeling like I'm nothing more than their pawn for money and a taxi service. This gal is 22 years old, doesn't have her driver's license or her GED and everyone in her family makes excuses to keep babying her and she is married with a 1.5 year old son!

YSD tried again last night to force her way to get me to make 2 Christmas dinners. She flat out said she'd come eat with us Christmas Eve or the Saturday after Christmas Day and I corrected her quickly. She is eating with her mother and siblings Christmas Day at 3 p.m. and can come by before or after that else eat leftovers and snack food/cookies another time. I can tell all this Christmas prep is causing problems between DH and me. I'm not begrudging him his children but he needs to see they could care less about seeing him unless there is something in it for them. Yes, I understand his last "happy" Christmas was in 2003 when he was still married to ex#2 and all his children would gather at his home. Life goes on. Back then the oldest grandchild was 5 years old and a lot of the children had not married and had their own children. Why punish me when we could have a good Christmas just the 3 of us on Christmas Day with his children dropping in when they can with a few hours notice? I don't get to see my family that live out of state and that saddens me but I'm trying to make the most of it. My dad passed away this time of year 5 years ago. At least my DH still has both his parents living and blessings he could count if he'd only try. I did find out from his best friend he mentioned the whole last happy Christmas to him as well so now I wonder if my DH still has a thing for his ex-wife. I am thankful his best friend spoke up for me and told my DH to be happy where he's at, to quit looking back at the past, and make the most of what he has today. Yes, I wish my first husband hadn't died when my son was 6 years old but I've accepted that my life will never be the same after that, same as my dad dying.

What would you think if this were you? Should I be worried? My DH is never open with me about anything that bothers him. He just stuffs his feelings inside and leaves me to wonder why he's so distant with me and my son. I'm not forcing him to stay married to me but I'm not going to be compared to the ex-wives and the wonderful memories he had with them til he seeks counseling or at least learns ways to cope. I've tried to get him into counseling but he doesn't want to open up to anyone period. I just want to survive the holidays and start new traditions so the Christmases that follow this one don't seem so dreary. To top it off, I caught my husband's cold over the weekend and want to get well by Saturday as we have a party to go to at his oldest daughter's house. He refuses to go if I don't go with him. I'm really achy and think it's turning into an upper respiratory infection but don't dare tell him that unless I get a confirmation from a doctor. If I'm not better by Thursday afternoon, I'm seeing the doctor on Friday. I'm so stressed I wonder if my body will heal. Know the feeling?