Time to cut them off. They are adults and these are logical consequences for a admitting their gold digging motives.  Now you will have a fight with DH over this but I recommend cutting him off too.  Time to take your power back.  Sounds like you do well for yourself, you worked to achieve it, now enjoy it yourself.  It's also time for the truth to be said about the financial support you paid (wasted) on the skids.  He should be the one defending you and demanding respect as your wife, his chosen life partner, let alone your role as family bank.

 I'm not sure I could stay with a man that used me like this.  I did plenty of coaching my DH with parental advice thru the years and it looks like it will pay off with the YSD, but I'm done making him look good.  The skids are all adults now, 23 and up.  Time to start having those difficult discussions and DH and I are discussing how to do this.  If I'm such a wonderful wife, why hide it from them anymore ?  

He's going on vacation with BM and his kids and not you?! When you are the one with a job, paying the bills, and you can't go due to working? How can you consider staying with him? ETA why is he staying over at her house for kids' promotions (is that a military thing?) 

If my DH went on vacation with his grown kids and the BM he'd find his stuff on the curb and the locks changed when he got back. That would absolutly be a hill to die on for me.

I know what you mean about the cell phone. We kept SS on our plan way too long. DH kept asking him to get his own plan and SS kept making excuses, then finding other "family" plans that were cheaper (that we would still pay for and he would stay on our plan). I basically said he had a month to get off our plan, or I was taking him off myself. I was the bad guy, of course. It wasn't the money as much as it was a grown ass kid taking advantage of me, and DH keeping a grown ass kid dependent on him to feed his own ego.

Your feelings are valid and understandable.  Disengage.  No more paying their bills or going out of your way for them.  They don't deserve for you to treat them as a parent would when you're not a parent and they don't appreciate what you do for them.

My bigger issue is with your boyfriend.  I would not be OK with him going on a "family" vacation with his ex-wife.  I can't believe HE thinks that's OK.  It's disrespectful of your relationship.  I'd be much more focused on what he's doing than what his kids are.

I can relate to the vaca part because BM mentioned taking sgk to Disney.  As soon as we left I told DH its not happening,  that we haven't been on vacation together and no way in HELL am I going with her...not my idea of a good time.  

It's come up a few times since and I spoke plainly in saying that I wasn't going and if he did I'd be gone when he gets back.

With your skidults and the way they're treating you, absolutely cut them off. If DH wants to pay for their phone bills, that's something he can set up. I'd actually send a group text after letting DH know, to make sure they are aware it was YOU who was paying the bill.  I'd cease all contact after being treated like this. And DH would be on notice that I was about to walk.

I'm sorry, you don't deserve to be treated so badly. 

"I told him before there was first talk of the trip, I didn't like if she was going.... He booked the ticket and I was mad"

I would be long gone when he got back. You told him where your boundary was and he stomped all over it. A cosy little family vacation with his ex in tow? Nope, not on. 

You've allowed your boyfriend, and by extension his kids, to financially use you for so long they no longer respect you. What a slap in the face. THEY get to enjoy a First Family vacation in Hawai'i with BM while YOU stay home and work??? That's outrageous. Where is your self esteem? I can't believe this guy thinks this okay. My DH wouldn't want to vacation without me. This is a sign that you need to completely stop subsidizing ALL of them, so separate funds and start dividing the household bills 50/50.

It's past time you took a hard look at how little you're getting for your money, and how much better you would be doing financially and emotionally without this man in your life. How is your savings account looking? Are your retirement accounts fully funded? Start prioritizing YOURSELF, because your bf doesn't and his adult kids never will. 

You deserve better, but you have to start standing you for yourself.

I let my older kid stay on our family phone plan until he married and his wife decided it was time for him to merge with her. It was only $10 a month, so I didn't mind. My DD got her own when she hit 18 and of her own accord, which is great. My youngest doesn't have a cell yet because he's irresponsible.  If DH wanted to carry his BKs on the family phone plan, I wouldn't have minded because it's not much $$$, but we do other things for them and sometimes it goes way over the top. But the lack of gratitude I think is the issue here.  And that's where I also find I have a problem.  When Skidults don't even understand that they should be grateful to you for the support and help YOU have provided.  It's not coming from broke a$$ daddy! And he should set them straight and direct the thank yous towards you! 

I can't get over the vacation to Hawaii...  Because of Skidult and SGK involvement,  I have more BM contact now that I've ever had or ever wanted and looking at their family trip photos would send me over the edge.

I'd honestly tell SO that he's a grown adult who can choose for himself what he does, however he knows your feelings on it and it may very well be a deal breaker for you. If he goes, knowing it could cost your relationship,  I'd let it be the nail in the coffin. I'd take it as a clear sign of my value to him and a sign that I deserve better.  

My feeling is that if I was important enough, he'd cancel and let skids and BM enjoy on their own.

If he and skids value your presence,  something can be scheduled around your work calendar.  Or you and he can plan a weekend getaway.  Something besides aloha with the ex

You should have named it "My BF has just booked a ticket to vacation with BM and Skids without me".

THAT is your true issue. BF. Skds treat you like dirt, its because BF. BF is using you NOT skids.

X.

They are the X. That is it.  There is no place for an X in a relationship we have with our SO. Even if our SO spawned with that X.

At least in the overwhelming majority of situations.  If the X is not toxic, and the demise of our SO's relationship with that X is just one of those things... then maybe. A very slight maybe.

I don't usually like to be too firm in telling members here to run for the hills but in your case, w/ you paying the bulk of the bills/gifts/etc, and then him vacationing with his kids and ex ... run for the hills. Make it clear that the second he puts sock one into his suitcase, it. is. over. the piggy bank is closed, he is no longer a part of your future and I suggest you spend the time he's living it up on the beach w/ his ex, looking into an apartment of your own. Or if you're the lease/morgage holder where you are, pack his crap and inform him that he has two weeks to sleep on the couch and after that, he is out. 

And when he sweet talks you keep in mind: he is vacationing with his ex on a beach while you are home working to pay the bills. 

You. Deserve. Better. 

....the phone bill is annoying,  but not a deal breaker....the trip to Hawaii with the ex would have me screaming "done!"

I feel for anyone with difficult Skids, but a BM like this is as bad. Mix them both and you get a time bomb unless you have an SO that understand boundaries, that inappropriate behavior needs to be put in check.

Please come back and talk to us. How are things going?

Mine play the same games. They are their own dysfunctional family. I told my DH not to mention the BM or the SD to me anymore. They are both toxic, and all three of them play games. I don't care anymore. I also told him (to which he agreed) to start paying all the household bills. This way, I don't ask about what he does with his money. I don't care if he pays his 29-year-old SD's cell phone bill. I don't care if he helps pay his 23-year-olds SS's rent. I don't care if his sisters live rent-free in his rental. I don't care if him and his exwife finds reasons to stay in court. He rather pay all the bills than have me nag him that people need to stop taking advantage of our household. 

WTF? He's going on VACATION without you? Are you kidding me? I would be LIVID too!

Your feelings are valid. I have 3 SD's who are exactly like your skids. I could die and they wouldn't shed a tear but they would be mad that I didn't leave them any money. It hurts. I would cut them off. Let them see how hard it is to be an adult and pay their own way in life. (Of course, BM will probably still send them money, but whatever.)