You are here

Step grandparents

Anon2009's picture

Submitted by Anon2009 on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 7:05am

Forums: 
Adult Stepchildren

Ugh. I woke up and can't get back to sleep so here goes.

I think it is always great when a grandparent can be as involved in a grand child's life as possible and all the adults get along.

It's hard to know what things will be like for me as a sgm. I get along with my SDs so I don't think they'll play games.

But some blogs got me to thinking about things. I was closer to some grandparents than to others. I had 2 sgps too. I was close to the GPs who passed on. I got along with my sgps but no way would I show them my report card. Neither party would say, "I love spending time with you." I just wasn't as close to them. Same for the sgps I acquired when my mom and dad remarried. We got along but weren't close. We just showed each other basic politeness.

I think being a SK with my own sgps has given me a good idea of what to expect when the sgks start coming. I'll be kind to them like I would be to any child. If a close relationship happens, great. If not, fine. Either way, I'll support my dh in spending one on one time with each grandkid. But I won't tolerate rudeness (blatant or not) from anyone.

jennaspace's picture

Submitted by jennaspace on Tue, 09/10/2013 - 9:18pm

Skids set the pace. In my experience, SDIL and MIL made sure I wasn't the grandma. If they had not done this, I don't know that there would be much of a difference between bio gpa and me.

I had a couple who were like grandparents in my life who were not bio related. I was closer to them than my bio gparents. I think it's the subtle messages (or in my case, not so subtle from DHs family) that communicates who is and who is not considered family.

Disillusioned's picture

Submitted by Disillusioned on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 2:44pm

Yes jennaspace I think you are correct - skids set the pace.

Growing up I thought my step-grandma was the worst person in the whole...and I really only met her once or twice! I thought this because of all the horrible things my mom said to me about her SM. As a kid, you believe whatever your parents tell you. But now, as an adult, I have questioned what really happened based on the fact my mom lies, and is selfish and entitled. Sad to say this about your own mother but it's true Sad

I can see my H's eldest saying the very same things about me! And they are not in way, shape or form, correct. She is a lying, selfish, entitled B(*&^ who can't get past her jealousy

Now that I'm a Step-grandmother I already see my husband's eldest creating these same lies about me where SGS is concerned. I don't think she's foolish enough to openly say nasty things about me at this point to SGS as he is so little and kids repeat everything LOL, but she will go about it by getting SGS all excited about seeing his blood family so he is practically jumping up and down when H and his family visits. Of course she will not so much as mention a word about me...so SGS basically ignores me for the first little while whenever I see him Sad

Towanda's picture

Submitted by Towanda on Wed, 09/11/2013 - 4:16pm

I think it is who raises you.

I had a stepgrandmother. I loved her to pieces and she loved all of us and my parents did not fill my head with hateful thoughts about her.

My skids have done several years of filling my stepgrands with lies and for some reasone, they still love us! I am sure they had a hard time figuring out why they weren't allowed to see us for 3 1/2 years (blackmail) and then poof! They were back in their lives.

Poof! She tried to take them back away again.

Poor little kids. All they want is peace and love in their lives. Of course, I could say poor
DH and myself. All we want is peace and love too!

I am glad my own father allowed my stepgrandma in my life. I learned alot from her. I have very fond memories of her.

dadsnewwife's picture

Submitted by dadsnewwife on Fri, 09/20/2013 - 3:55pm

I had a stepgrandfather who simply was "grandpa". He was a nice man, but, obviously I was MUCH closer to my grandmother. She was warm and loving. My bio grandfather had died before I was born, so he was the only maternal grandfather I had and he was "family" and that was it.

I am now a stepgrandmother to my dh's 5 year old grandson and I can tell you it's not the same as the way I feel about my own 9 year old grandson. My heart skips a beat when I see my own grandson, but not SGS5. He's a nice little boy, but the warm fuzzies just aren't there. I can't explain it. I'm nice to him when he stays at our house, but can I say I look forward to him coming like dh...no. We've had him like every other weekend since he was a baby due to the fact my SS30 is no longer married to his son's mother and lives out of state, so we get him. Dh and I both work and, honestly, I do not care to babysit every other weekend. Dh doesn't mind and loves seeing him, but I could see him like once or twice a year and be perfectly happy. I know that sounds bad. The bond just isn't there.