They really think they work hard, don't they?
dh's really think they do us a favor with their children as loving, but strong and assertive parents.
dh was beaming like an idiot about how his grown daughters have done so well. they are on their own; one finished college, has a nice job, and the other finishing at university.
in my experience, dh let his children insult me, call me names and jockey for position of mini wife. he hardly lifted a finger in my defense, and when he did, it was so weak as to be totally effective (sds saw right through him), or too late to be of any use.
dh has totally data-dumped just how hard it was on me. one sd threatened me physically and gave dh an ultimatum--her or me. other sd dropped out of college, got kicked out of the military, spent time institutionalized and then called me the worst names. (i told that sd to leave the house. she was an adult and i would not take that abuse.)
when i pointed this out to him, i guess it rained on his parade, which he was viewing through rose colored glasses. he snarled and said he was hurt that i would bring those things up, and i should have simply said how wonderful the skids are doing.
clueless. they don't really comprehend the mental and emotional cost of the skids, do they?
Being successful
Being successful educationally and financially does necessarily lead a person to being emotionally mature. My SD finished college. Her first job lasted a while but subsequent jobs have not been long-term. She has very few friends. Few of her relatives want anything to do with her. So when she is older, retired and alone, how is she going to measure her success?
Good for you for standing up for yourself. You should never allow abuse in your home. If you disengage you do not talk about SDs to DH. That way you don't have to tell him how wonderful they are.
Your SDs might LOOK great to your DH but as time goes on, as you have found, the rosy picture starts to unravel. Your DH might be clueless now but eventually he is going to get a big hit in the head with reality. And it might not happen until some one is physically hurt. Your protection is your first priority.
thank you for the reply. the
thank you for the reply. the degree is essentially basketweaving and she did not graduate cum laude, so its a joke.
as for standing up, i was forced to defend myself as dh stood by and did nothing. for those acts, i *had* to say something. silence would have implied cowardice. i fought fire with fire at that time. at least dh had the balls to back me up about asking sd to leave. she did. i am still in shock that he did not rip into me and beg her to come back. :O
btw, both skids are out of the house now.
you are right. disengaging means not talking about the skids at all. in the end, the sds will marry, move away and have families of their own, and daddy will be a distant memory. that is, unless, they cling and never grow up...