DH and I have just recently started attending a new church in the town we recently moved to. The church has had a theme for the last few weeks "I am offended."  Last Sunday, the preacher talked about reconciliation, discussed how one should approach someone who has hurt us, or someone whom we believe may have been offended by our actions. We all have been there, but the pastor reassured us that healing can only happen if both parties are willing and if the desired outcome or objective is peace and forgiveness.

This sermon prompted DH and I to have a serious converstation about his inability or unwilligness to approach his family's behavior, in particular some of the adult SKs. DH gave me several reasons why he avoids all confration or attempting resolution with his family. Here we go:

1. They are not ready to receive the message with an open mind

2. He is still upset and is not ready to forgive them

3. Anxiety about having this conversations

4. Outcome may be worse than what we have (I believe he is referring to being completely ostracized by his family for standing up to them).

We had our first therapy session, overwhelming to cover so much ground but we decided to start from the beginning. That is, before I came along so that the therapist could build upon the family dynamics. She labeled my DH's relationship with his family as "emotional enmeshment." I was not surprised. 

We are not half way through our story and we only had 50 minutes... LOL but she left us with this thought: Resolution can only come from two people who are willing to participate. In our case, it does not seem like some want that. Therefore, DH has to make a decision, attempt to reconcile, set boundaries, or lay the relationsip to rest, and grive the loss. 

I think it was difficult for DH to hear the same thing from a total stranger....