Hey, everyone:

I recently married, and inherited two adult SDs (24 and 21yo) and one SS (18yo) along with my own bio son (8 yo). I really wanted us to be a family, since DH was denied a lot of time with his kids growing up. At the time we married, one SD (21) and SS lived at home with DH, and my DH and I discussed - and agreed to - SD continuing to live with us. SD's agreement with DH was to pay $200 per month "rent" (really, to help with food and utilities) and to pay her own car insurance and cell phone bill. We told her that she needed to work full time and pay her bills, but if she chose to go to college full time, she could live with us rent free.

SD was doing okay until five months ago. Almost immediately upon moving in with DH and I, she quit her job and took a census job. She asked to stop paying rent for two months, so she could save $$ to take the CNA exam and course. We agreed, but told her that she had done the wrong thing in quitting her job at all in this economy. Two months later, she hadn't paid us a dime, and she spent all the money she was supposed to save for the CNA exam.

Anyway, fast forward to the present day, all SD has done for the last five months is sleep until the afternoon and play Xbox all night. She does not pay her bills, and as expected the census job ended and she made very little $$ from it because she didn't put in the hours (20 hours per week at most). DH has spoken to her several times about paying her bills and looking for work, and she pacifies him by putting in apps at a few fast food restaurants and then laying around the house all day again. She does not act like someone really looking for a job (still hasn't done her resume, hasn't registered with the local work force group, doesn't follow up on applications she puts in) and to be truthful she doesn't have much in the way of marketable skills.

On top of everything, she doesn't help out around the house at all. Her room and bathroom are disgusting, with dirty clothes and dirty tub and dog pee all over the floor (yes, she has a dog, too). In the common areas, she has mopped the kitchen floor once, done the dinner dishes less than 20 times in 5 months, cooked one meal, and refused to do anything else around the house.

I am at wits' end. I don't want to give DH an ultimatum, and force him to choose between me and his daughter. On the other hand, he keeps saying that he will tell her that she needs to get out "in a month" and never does, because she cries and says she's trying the best she can. I wouldn't want to kick my child out either - SD can't live with her mother, because BM needs someone to help her pay rent, and SD has no job - but I am getting resentful of the financial and emotional drain and the strain on our new marriage.

Any suggestions for how we might handle this? DH is willing to listen to advice, and admits that she's a problem, but neither of us knows what to do. We feel like we can't kick her out on the street, but by letting her stay with us and violate the rules, we are enabling her in ways that I think are unhealthy.

Thanks for listening! Just being able to write this is helpful.

Susan