Update to son making me choose
I have had several emails from my son over the last few weeks. Each one tells me what a lousy person I am and that I am nothing but a disappointment as a mother. His emails have cut me to the core. I replied to a couple of his emails with love and telling him that me and his SD will see him but only as a couple. I will not go without him. Sadly my son has become so abusive in the emails that I've had to block his emails.
It's so hard to let go especially since I will not be able to see or meet the GK. I am trying to stay strong. I keep reminding myself that my son is a bully and that I have to stand up to him.
I thought by now he would have softened and agreed to see us both. I was very wrong. My GK is now 8 months old and I will probably never be in her life. I'm sad that it has ended this way.
There really is no choice to
There really is no choice to make. As soon a kid plays this ultimatum crap, they are done. Enjoy your marriage and the life you and your DH are making.
If later your idiot son pulls his head out of his ass, be cautiously engaging. On your terms. Tolerate no mandates or bullshit from him.
IMHO a mandate is in the court of the quality side of any of these types of interfaces. Toxic side gets no say no matter how much they may think that they are in control. Yes, your idiot son can keep you away from your GK, however, he cannot dictate anything else in your life beyond the perimeter of his own life. When his baby mama divorces him, and IMHO that is only a matter of time, reach out to her to engage in building a relationship that may give you the opportunity to meet and be a part of your GK's life.
Then enjoy watching your idiot son's head explode when he has zero say over that.
Be good to you. Enjoy your best life. Sadly, your idiot son will not have anything near a quality life.
I'm sorry. I have a good
I'm sorry. I have a good friend who went through something similar with her daughter. She thought she would never see her grandchild. The daughter did come around, their relationship improved, and the grandson is now in my friend's life (well, it helped that the daughter needed a free babysitter). Things can and do change. You know you are doing the right thing. Stay strong! Has your son shown any instability in the past--I don't remember?
He has a past of being fired
He has a past of being fired several times, smoking weed in the house when we told him no. We had to kick him out as the disobedience never ended. He was expelled from school in grade 11 for being caught with drugs. We tried to help him but he has a very defiant personality. Unfortunately I have to walk away. His hatred towards me and his SD is just too strong.
i hope I have a similar outcome as your friend. Time will tell.
thanks for replying.
It’s the son lost
He's has a loving family trying to the right thing. But it's his way or the highway 1
Same boat
Im
currently going through something similar with my adult daughter treating me and my husband (her step father who raised her). She will not let her stepdad see the grandkids anymore (they are almost 3&5). Mind you we have been a big part of their lives since they were newborns and now she's ripping them away! Her reasoning??? She blames her stepdad for a traumatic childhood. Honestly I was speechless when I read the long letter from her. It's all lies!
Heartbreaking to go through
Heartbreaking to go through this - check out the DSM-5, son sounds like he might have a personality disorder. Some great folks on this site also recommended that i look at cluster B - take a look too. Defintely firm boundaries with this situation -it sounds volatile and abusive.
The end to a bully is overwhelming violence.
They are cowards and a fist to the nose, a knee to the nads, and an ambulance ride to the ER for reconstructive surgery to the face or for reconstruction of removal a ruptured testicle ends them.
IMHO you failed at I replied to a couple of his emails with love.
Better to have shredded him with how much of a disappointment he is to you and his characterless manipulative crap ends his place in your life until he pulls his head out of his own ass and grows up.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
He will use his spawn as a manipulation tool so do not lament that he is a POS and do not let his breeding efforts tug at your heart stings.
Stand your ground and stay the course on zero tolerance for his crap. If you wish to build something for your GK, buy Savings Bonds for the kid, hold on to them, and when your GK reaches 18 meet them for a nice dinner, go over all of daddy's documented toxic crap, and give the kid the notable accumulated Savings Bonds with decades of interest growth. Hopefully your GK will rip daddy a new asshole as you hopefully will continue to do for the rest of his toxic miserable nasty adult life.
Grrrrr.